Fabulous Adventures Across the Magicaverse!
by EpicFightingTroper
Summary: One's a cute purple-haired ditz! The other's a blue-haired HERO OF JUSTICE!  They go on fantastic adventures through TIME and SPACE together!
1. It's Begun!

**Author's Note: Please note that my previous story, Mighty Morphin Fortress Rangers, is now dead (Or at least in permanent hiatus), since I found this more fun to write.**

**Alright, so please enjoy!**

**Oh, and please review this if you have the time, thanks!**

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><p>Sunlight<p>

_errgh..._

Slits of it burning through her eyelids...

Tsukasa woke up with a start.

Everything _looked_ the same, but... at the same time... _different_...

Ah, now she remembered, she had just moved from her original hometown to Mitakihara Town, because of her dad's new job.

She sat up and covered her face with her hands. "Well, at least my sister's still here..." thought Tsukasa, though she'll surely miss the blue-haired geezer.

She took a peek outside her room. That was strange, she was usually one of the last of her family to wake up, but the house was empty. Tsukasa looked at her clock.

_11:20 AM, Saturday_

Good, at least she didn't have to rush to school today, especially if it was a new school in a new neighborhood.

She looked around her new home. She hadn't yet become used to the layout of the house yet, but she at least knew where the living room and bathroom was. She looked inside both of them.

_Nobody_

She wondered around the house, trying to familiarise herself. She walked up the stairs to the level where her room was (For their house had two stories) and noticed another room right next to hers. Kagami's bedroom, perhaps? She wasn't sure, she was way too tired to do anything but fall asleep right after they moved last night.

She opened a cracked and peeked inside the room. There she was, Kagami. She was sleeping peacefully enough. Tsukasa decided not to disturb her.

She slowly closed the door...

*_THWACK_*

She heard the sudden sound of breaking wood just right above her head.

Tsukasa slowly looked up. What could be-

It was a knife.

A _**big**_ _knife_

And it barely missed her head by a few inches, causing a few strands of bright purple hair drifting down from her head.

Then, there was _silence_.

It wasn't your ordinary absence of sound, the one that you could hear in any sufficiently deserted area.

No, this was silence was _different_. It was way more _silent_ then simply silent, as little sense as that made. But Tsukasa felt it.

"Tsukassssaaaa-sissss..." a very familiar voice whispered to her behind the door "Letzz _**PLAYYYY**_..."

Tsukasa certainly knew what her sister sounded like, of course, but even though the voice of her dear sister was what she was hearing right now, she swore it was _definitely_ not the sister she knew and loved. It was different, somehow. It was more hollow, more echoey, more...

_Demonic_

She ran.

Jumbling down the stairs, she heard the sound of multiple doors opening. She looked back. There she saw her family chasing her, knives in hand, and with those terrifying grins on their faces.

And their eyes...

My god, their eyes...

They were massively oversized and bloodshot. It looked like their eyeballs could fall out of their sockets any moment now...

She screamed.

Then, a hand shot out to grab her wrist.

Tsukasa's gaze shot to the side. There was a blue-haired girl, a blunette, who she didn't didn't recall seeing before, who was holding her wrist. She appeared to be around her age.

"C'mon, let's _go_!"

The strange blue-haired girl pulled her along, away from them and into a hidden door in the floor. That was strange, she didn't see any lines that could have indicate a trap door, it was like the floor cut itself to help them escape...

"Hurry, get in!"

Tsukasa shook off the distracting thought and jumped inside. She really didn't have any time to comtemplate what was happening to her right now.

The purple-haired girl landed in a painful thud on what felt to be a concrete floor.

"_Owww_..."

Tsukasa looked up. It was then she realised that the trap door didn't have any hinges. She saw the blue-haired girl lift up the piece of floor and push it back into the hole they just jumped down from. It attached itself to the wall instantly, like a puzzle piece.

The blunette took out a cutlass from the big, blue cape she wore. It shone like a lantern.

Tsukasa walked under the former entryway. She went on her tippy-toes and touched around. She was astonished. No cracks, no gaps no indication that there had ever been a door here.

"Amazing isn't it? That's extra-planar magic for ya." the strange blue-haired girl said, spinning her shining sword like a revolver.

Tsukasa turned towards her. It was the first time she had a really good look at her.

She wore what appeared to be knight's armour, with a big, blue cape cape wrapped around her.

"E-Excuse me, do you know what's going on? I'm really-"

"Demons."

"Wh-What!"

"Demons. Manifestations of human despair. I bet one of them's controllin' your family right now. Let's see... that bastard must be hiding here somewhere... Aww f*ck it, I'm just gonne _blow it all up!_"

"_**WHAT!**_"

"Oh, don't worry, your family won't have a scratch on them."

She threw her cloak over Tsukasa, covering her. The blunette peeked inside.

"Name's _Sayaka Miki_ by the way, _**Hero of Justice**__. _What's yours?"

"T-Tsukasa... Tsukasa Hiiragi."

"Well then, Ms. Hiiragi, you better hang on _tight_."

Sayaka closed her cloak back over her. Tsukasa held on tight underneath. She could hear the sound of swords being thrust into the ground.

_Silence..._

_And then..._

_*__**KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM**__*_

_*__**WRAUGGHGHGHGHHH**__*_

The sound of an explosion viciously rang in Tsukasa's eardrums. Pieces of what she assumed to be debris rained down on her, protected only by the cloak the self-proclaimed _Hero of Justice_ left her.

She uncovered her head.

_Destructon._

That was the only word she could think of upon seeing the remains of her new house. Bits of concrete, wood and steel were all over the place. She could hear a croud of people gathering around her wrecked estate. The whirr of police sirens nearby was also heard.

"Tsukasa! Is that you? Oh _god_, Tsukasa, I'm _so_ glad your _alright_..."

Tsukasa looked behind her, spotting her sister, Kagami. Her voice was now normal, as was her eyes.

She held her in a **_VERY_ **tight bear hug.

Not that she minded it.

Kagami noticed the blue cloak. "Say, where did you get that, Tsukasa-chan?"

Tsukasa looked back at the cloak.

How should I explain this, she wondered...

* * *

><p>"Homura-sama, Sayaka-san's <em>missing!"<em>

"What do you mean, _missing_!"

"We've sweeped the _entire dimension_. _Twice_. There was no sign of her!"

"How does one _escape_ _**HEAVEN!**_"

"We don't know ma'am, we-"

*_**bam**_*

*_collapse_*

**/TO BE CONTINUED/**

In the next episode...

Kagami: Who are we running from!

Sayaka: Nazi zombies.

Kagami: Ha Ha, very funny, now really-

Sayaka: I'm serious, _**NAZI ZOMBIES**_.

Tsukasa: Err, sis, I think we should _listen_ to her... She looks like an expert in these kinds of things.

Sayaka: Yeah! See this cape? This is a sign of my _hero cred_. You don't **_question_ **_hero cred_.

Kagami: *Sigh*, she's another crazy one, isn't she?


	2. Nazi Zombies, Oh My!

**Author's Note: For sanity's sake, I'm going to make the Lucky Star characters middle schoolers, regardless of what they were in the original.  
><strong>

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><p>A redheaded magical girl landed on a rooftop, chomping on Pocky, like she always does, when she wasn't munching on apples, that is.<p>

The girl sighed. 'If she's gonna run away from Magical Girl Valhalla and have adventures, then she should at least take _me_ along! We're in a _relationship_, goddammit. I don't wanna turn it _long distance_, especially since I don't know any interdimensional phone service...' the girl thought to herself, before slapping herself and going to find _her_.

* * *

><p>"Nice to meet you again! How's it been going? Oh God I am <em>so sorry<em> about your new home..." the nice lady at the door said to mama Hiiragi as she embraced her.

"Oh, it was fine, no worries, they'll say it'll be rebuilt _free of charge_! Isn't that great?" Ms. Hiiragi replied.

Tsukasa looked at the new house she was moving in. It was lucky that her mom had close _acquaintances nearby_ willing to share living space, or else the her family would've become a troupe of poor, wandering vagabounds.

The style of the new house she was moving into looked vaguely Ultramodern-ish, at least from what Tsukasa knew of the many different types of architechtural styles. It had a sleek white finish on it's outer walls, and lots of glass windows side by side.

And for a moment there, she thought she saw a little boy watching her from behind a well-hidden corner.

"Well... Let me help unpack your luggage, you poor people must be _shaken_ by what happened yesterday..." the woman said, helping their parents pull their luggage inside.

Tsukasa slumped down at what she assumed to be a dining table. Kagami did likewise.

"By the way, Tsukasa, you didn't tell me yet where you got that... big blue rag..."

"Hey, please don't call it a rag, sis, it's far too _pretty_ to be called a _rag_!"

"Alright, alright, fine, a cloak, then. So, where'd you pick up such a nifty cloak? I sure hope you didn't _steal_ it..."

"What! Does this cute little face look like the face of a thief to you? I got it as a _parting gift_, _**of course**_..."

"From who? From Konata-chan? I can't believe she's classy enough to give you that. I'd thought it would at least have an anime character or two embroidered onto it."

"_Mou~_ I recommend you not insult the tastes of my best friend, even if she's hundreds of kilometres away..."

"Hahaha, okay then."

_Whew, that was a close call..._

"Tea or Coffee?" the nice lady's husband asks. Apparently, he's that rare breed of husband that stays at home and tends to the home front rather than win the bread and breaking his back over the unforgiving capitalist beaucracy that comprises the life of a salaryman. Good for him, both sisters thought.

"Tea, please..."

* * *

><p>Sayaka's in deep shit now...<p>

_**REALLY**_ deep shit.

She doesn't think any swear short of the f-word can describe the amount of suckage she just released unto the world.

She only wanted an assistant. Preferably someone who was superstitious enough to not question all the strange shit that was happening, yet still practical and reasonable enough to get her out of almost any situation that got too hot and bothersome.

Like a slave from Ancient Greece.

She, however, didn't expect, of all things, _Nazi Zombies_ from what she presumed to be from an alternate WWII timeline show up. And in _here_, of all places.

Sayaka sighed. She'll need to find The Doctor sometime. Time Lords are good at stopping these kinds of time shenanigans, right?

She was pretty sure this entire section of the school was already cleared out due to a mass stampede caused by these National Socialists, but right now she could sense two, possibly three people somewhere behind a corner right behind her...

For the love of Madokami.

Well, nevermind, there were only three of them. She'll cream these bastards before they can lay their grubby, disease infested hands on _anyone_.

But first...

Sayaka struted up to them, clearing her throat to catch their attention.

"Excuse me, gentlemen,..." she said in perfect German (Well ,at least she learned _something_ during her incredibly dull stint in heaven). "...but could you please leave this establishment of learning immediately. I believe you are unnessesarily distrubting school functions-"

The tallest of the Nazi Zombies put a combat knife to Sayaka's throat.

"Why don't you get out of our way, _impure one_." he spat at her face.

"Yes" said another one of the zombies. "We intend to claim this place as an outpost for the _glory_ of _Germany_."

"We will _purify_ this building, and after that, the _**world**_!" the third zombie said.

"Oh _come __**on**__ now_!" Sayaka responded. "Like your toothbrush-stached leader has an omniscient morality license. Only the most powerful of beings in the multiverse are allowed to gain one, officially speaking, though I don't think even _they_ deserve such clearance. Besides, I hope you realise that your beloved leader is _long de_-"

"_**Shut up**_, _you_."

The Hero of Justice sighed. Looks like they won't go so peacefully into the night. Ah well.

She transforms into her Magical Girl form. Bradishing a cutlass from her backup cape, she cuts them to pieces, first the leader, then his two lackeys. Jets of crimson blood spurted out of them.

Sayaka clears her sword of blood by waving it side to side.

_Well, all that's left to do is clean up the-_

Sayaka's eyes widened as she watched the bodies of the Nazi Zombies reassemble themselves before her eyes. Craning his neck, and with a blood-curdling sceam that shattered the glass walls of Mitakihara Middle School, the head zombie opened a portal to another dimension, summoning an entire horde of other Nazi Zombies pouring forth from the crack in reality.

Now she thinks even the f-word isn't strong enough to describe what was happening right now.

So she ran.

Rounding a corner, she spotted Tsukasa and another girl with the same purple-hair as she did. A sister, perhaps? Nevermind, they were about the only normals in the vicinity anyway.

"_Run!_" Sayaka shouted to both of them. Tsukasa, remembering what happened to her the last time she met her, thought it wise to follow her. Kagami trailed behind.

"Who are we _running_ from!" asked an exasperated Kagami.

"Nazi Zombies" Sayaka replied.

"Ha Ha, very funny, now really-"

"I'm _totally serious_, _**NAZI ZOMBIES.**_"

"Err, sis, I think we should listen to her... She looks like an expert in these kinds of things..." Tsukasa suggested.

"Yeah! See this cape? This is a sign of my _hero cred_. You don't _**question **__hero cred_." Sayaka boasted.

"_*Sigh*_, she's another crazy one, isn't she? Look, how do I even know-"

***MOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAANNN***

"_**PURIFY**__ THEIR __**MINDS**__. __**DEVOUR**__ THEIR __**NEURONSSS**__!_"

Kagami quickly looked back. She did not doubt anymore.

"_**GAH!**_ _HELP MEE_..!"

Kagami screamed and jumped into the waiting arms of her hero(ine).

"Quick learner, aren't you?" Sayaka said.

The blunette looked back at them, and so did Tsukasa. Because once you've seen your entire family become mind controlled by manifestations of human despair, then see your house get blown up by a magical girl, Nazi Zombies almost seem normal by comparison.

The blunette sighed in relief. The zombies weren't as slow as the ones she faced in the Romeroverse, but they weren't exactly the quick and agile type. In fact, calling them 'agile' would be like calling a truck aerodynamic. They kept tripping over themselves and over their comrades, sometimes even losing a few limbs as a result. But of course, like Sayaka had personally seen in action, the parts eventually fit back together. The blunette wryly noted, though, that sometimes (Okay, make that most of the time) the pieces will reattach in the wrong places, or even on the wounds of other zombies, creating such shambling monstrosities as a zombie with hands for feet and feet for hands, and another with a face full of eyes and heads for feet, and other hilariously macabre stuff.

"Quick, I'll need some matches, and an aerosol can. Do any of you know where this school's storage compartment is?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know! This is my _first day_ here!" Kagami shouted in reply.

Turning around another corner, they find an old janitor sweeping the floor.

"Hey gramps! We need matches and an aerosol can, _stat_!"

"H-Hey, wait, like I'm gonna let you kids-"

Before the janitor could finish, Sayaka quickly moved his head arounf the corner, so that he could see the incoming horde.

"Oh my _GOD_, _**COSPLAYERS**_! Here, have this Flamethrower, just remember to clean up the ashes afterwards" he said, handing her a man-portable flamethrower before locking himself inside the storage shed.

"Well, you know what Task Mage Jaya Ballard says: _Of course you should fight fire with fire. You should fight __**everything**__ with fire._ "

And with those words, Sayaka Miki, Hero of Justice, burned down the entire Nazi Zombie horde with a flamethrower, only stopping to close the tear in space-time using magic.

"Whew, at least that's over and done with" Sayaka sighed in relief, dropping the flamethrower unto the ground.

"This has got to be the craziest day I've ever had..." Kagami remarked.

"Well, it's only gonna get crazier from here on" Sayaka replied.

"You forgot _me_, blueberry head!"

Sayaka turned around.

"Kyoko-chan, I-"

Sayaka could barely get her words out before the redhead's lips met hers.

_What were you doing, going on without me?_

_Mou~ Kyoko-chan, I forgot..._

_Sayaka-chan, you know it's dangerous. I don't want to be **left out** of that!_

_Mmm, okay Kyoko-chan, you have my word..._

A gaggle of students peeked around a corner to them.

"Umm, excuse me, are the scary zombie cosplayers gone already?" one student asked.

**IN THE NEXT EPISODE...**

Kagami: Aww crap, what is it now!

Sayaka: Vampires, _Kung-Fu_ vampires!

Kyoko: That sounds totally retarded, yet so totally awesome at the same time. I'm in!

Sayaka: Good, because we bought _Guile_ along too!


	3. Modern Art Is Freaky!

**_New Chapter_! Bon Apetit! :D**

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><p>It was night at the Art and History Museum of Mitakihara. A lone figure, clad in the crisp white regulation uniform of security guards, walked through it's dark aisles with a flashlight. While any other muggle to the business might scream and lock themselves in the house with the terrifying combination of extreme darkness and disturbingly detailed and surreal statues and paintings, Yamamoto Godo was totally used to it.<p>

Totally.

He passed by one creepy looking statue as he went about on one of his nightly patrols. 'God, I can never get used to that thing...' he thought to himself.

_Help us..._

His head snapped in the direction of the statue.

_**Save** us..._

"H-Hello? Is anyone there!" he yelled.

_WE._ _NEED._ _**MORTAAALLLSSS!**_

"_**GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAA**...!_!_!_"__

* * *

><p>Puella Magi Sayaka woke up.<p>

Or at least, FORMER Puella Magi. She clutched her head, then, she remembered.

She had just run from the Magical Girl's Valhalla that she was supposed to enjoy for all eternity, under the watchful eye of the great goddess with pink hair.

Too bad sitting around drinking tea with Joan of Arc and co. for all of eternity wasn't her style. No offense to them, of course.

"Sayaka-chaaann... Let's do some _moorrreeee..._" a very groggy Kyoko slurred.

"Umm, Kyoko, we've been doing nothing but making out for the past week. Don't you want to do something mooooooree... _adventurous_?" Sayaka replied.

"Yeah, like what? Punch up some pirates off the coast of Somalia?" Kyoko expectatley said, cracking her knuckles as she did so.

"Well... Hey, wait, we haven't seen Tsukasa and her sister whatshername... yeah, Kagami. Tsukasa and Kagami! We should go visit them soon, we haven't seen them for a while now... "

"What! Those two weaklings? What are they gonna do with us, got _kidnapped_ and _scream _for_ help_?"

"Hey, don't be like that! I consider them travelling companions. You know, like in Doctor Who, _normal people_, just along for the ride!"

"And I suppose we'll have to _rescue_ their normal asses all the time, is that right?"

"Are you insinuating that rescuing cute damsels-in-distress _isn't_ fun?" Sayaka teased.

"It is for _you_, maybe, Ms. _Hero Of Justice_..." the girl with fiery hair said, slowly laying back and wiggling a suggestive finger towards Sayaka.

"But _surely_ another round of cl** bumping won't hurt, right?"

Sayaka sighed and kissed her lover on the lips...

...only to recoil immediately.

"_EWW_, Kyoko, have you been soloing durians while I wasn't looking!"

"What? They're _creamy_... You should really try some, you know..." the redhead pouted.

* * *

><p><strong>Later, in the Art and History Museum of Mitakihara.../**

"Oh _my_ _**GODDESS**_, _Kyoko_, do you know what this is, Kyoko-chann! This is the legendary blacksmith Hephaestus Vulcan's magnum opus, the allegedly sentient _Elysium Cutlass_! OhmyGodOhmy_God_, there's like, only one of them in the world, and it's like, super expensive, even by inter-universal standards, and even though every museum that holds it has the tendancy to get terrorised by monsters (some even say it's the _curse of the abstract painting, _but that's just_ silly_), people still pay for this because it's that _rare_ and _valuable, _and to think my hometown has gotten hold of it, NNNGGGGGGggg..! ~ " breathes Sayaka, referring the shiny green cutlass mounted on the wall of the museum.

"Sayaka-chan, I don't know why you're getting off on antique swords, but I suggest you stop it now, before anyone thinks you're any weirder than you already are..." Kyoko deadpanned.

"By the way, why am I here with those two purple-haired losers again?" the redhead continued.

"Don't you remember? You were bribed by Morning Rescue to be the class' personal bodyguard. With _orange flavoured Pocky_." Sayaka answered.

"Umm, Morning Rescue?" Tsukasa asked.

"It's basically the Japanese version of Torchwood." Sayaka responded.

"Torch-...wha?"

"You don't watch a lot of foreign shows, don't you?"

"Hey, you were there too!" Kyoko said, changing the subject back to the accusation of being bribed with sweets and waving an accusing finger at Sayaka.

"Well, how _I_ see it, _you_ were bribed, and I tagged along to amuse myself with the contortions of my lovely redhead in her attempts to understand modern art." Sayaka said, a smirk painted on her face.

"_Hey!_ I _to_ can be _so_-phisticated when I want to!" the redhead retorted, struting over to one of the many paintings in the museum. This painting had a plaque labelling the horizontal stroke of as yellow on a brown backround as "Onement 1".

"Let's seeeeeee..." she murmured, furrowing her eyebrows and putting her fist under her chin in an expression of deep thought.

"Ah, I see now, it's a _closeup_ of something..."

"A closeup of what? A supernova exploding in the vaccum of space?"

"No... _Obviously_ it's a closeup of a stick of Pocky, with the backround all being chocolate. The artist was _obviously_ hungry when he painted this... You see this?" she said, her finger running down the horizontal streak of yellow/extremely light-brown/whatever. "There was _no way_ this Barnett dude could've reproduced the colour of pocky sticks so accurately unless he was a fan of Pocky himself..." she continued, nodding her head in approval.

Sayaka just stared at her.

"Wow... You have... You think of nothing but... hahaa..." Sayaka giggled, trying to keep all the laughter from spilling out.

"What's the laughter for, oh Ms. _Cultured_ and _Civilised_, how about you _enlighten_ me..." Kyoko said with a hefty serving of sarcasm sauce.

"Oh God..." the blunette breathed, "...you've spent time with several of the most influential women in _history_... yet here you are, still as _crass _and_ food-obsessed_ as _**EVER!**_"

The blunette then tried to imagine her fiery-haired parter as a learned intellectual, complete with posh British accent and a fondness for tea and crumpets. She only laughed even harder.

Kyoko was annoyed. "Well, WHATEVER, it's not like I'm not really all that interested in all that stuff, anyways..."

_Please aid us, morrrtal..._

Kagami looked around.

_We are **dying**... **HELP!**_

"Umm, I think we better get going now, I think the class already left this room..." Tsukasa interrupted.

"Really, well let's check the Renaissance section first. If I can recall anything from my time as a student, I can tell you your school absolutely _adores_ Da Vinchi... " Sayaka said, pulling Tsukasa along with her.

As she followed them, Kyoko looked back at Kagami, who was still studying the statue.

"Let's go Kagami-san, that statue won't give you lunch, you know?" the redheaded ruffian said, rubbing her tummy while saying so.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, just... just go on. I'll catch up to you soon, alright?"

"Oookay..." Kyoko said, leaving to catch up with Sayaka and co.

Kagami looked closely into the statue's eyes. She swore she saw the statue staring at her a moment ago, which she would've brushed off if not for the fact that she witnessed a Magical Girl fight Nazi Zombies from an Alternate Timeline just a week ago. Plus, she thought she heard cries for help just-

_Help us..._

-now...

_HELP US **NOW**, **MORRRTAL**!_

Kagami immediately stepped back. Okay, either she was the unwitting test subject for some of Directional Loudspeaker technology, or someone's trying to subconsciously communicate with her. That was definitely NOT imagined. Especially not from _her_ imagination. No, those kinds of hallucinations (or whatever they were called) were more suited to people like Konata.

She ran and followed the others.

* * *

><p>"Aaand, to thank you for coming to see the grand unveiling of my giant onion exhibit, I'd like to present to you: Wreaths of <em>ONIONS!<em>. They're one of the most perfect personal anti-vampire defense systems known to _mankind_." an extremely old man wearing an eyepatch and an old blue navy uniform hollered.

Eyeing the necklace of onion in her hand, Sayaka sighed.

"I didn't know society could regress _so_ quickly in the short period I was gone..." she remarked.

"_Hey_, what's wrong with a few onions!" Kyoko responded, gleeful biting into a bulb as she did so.

Judging from the groans of the students around her, it seems not many share the redhead's fondness for the white, bulbous, vegetable.

"Now please be reminded, people, that the huge centerpiece there is a real life giant onion bulb, cultivated over a _year_ by _me_, with some help from the members of the United Assosiation of One-eyed, Vampire-hunting, Onion-loving Sailors. It is my _pride_ and _joy_, so _no __**touchy-touchy**_." the sailor warned. "If you want refreshments, the onion shakes smoothies are right over _here_..."

"Umm, I'll just take my leave and go wander around a bit..." Sayaka said.

"Feeling deeply ashamed at humanity?" her fiery-haired partner asked.

"Nah, I just... my legs are really sore from all this standing around, that's all." the blunette quickly answered, jogging for the nearest exit.

"Well, if you want to catch up with us, the class'll be right by the Van Gogh section, alright?" said Kyoko, her voice unusually soothing.

"Yeah, yeah..." Sayaka waved off.

Kyoko just raised an eyebrow and left with the class.

* * *

><p>Sayaka stopped in the surreal gothic art exhibit.<p>

It was filled with row-upon-row of creepy paintings, disturbingly detailed stone and wax statues, and the like.

Sayaka stepped in front of one of the many statues. This one depicted a man disemboweling himself in the stomach with a katana. There were hardly any people around this area, probably because of the sheer creepy factor. She'd seen scarier things before, so nothing here fazed her.

"I knew you're all hiding... _everywhere_. Come on out, lest I shove a _cutlass_ up your collective asses!"

No response.

"What are doing here, mighty spawn of Count Drac-Jin-Wang, hiding as pieces of art in this godforsaken place of culture, oh ye of mighty strength and martial prowess!" she hollered. She had nothing against this museum. Nor against speaking in modern linguistics. But from what she knew of the Shaolin-vanians, they only seemed to respond to this kind of bombastic speech.

The statue moved.

Slowly, at first. Slowly moing it's eyeballs towards the blunette, then it's head, capped off by removing it's sword from it's stomach, causing disgustingly realistic guts and gore to pour out of the open 'wound'. The thing did not flinch as it stood up. From the two corners of it's 'mouth' grew two ugly fangs. It looked at the blue-haired girl with cold, unfeeling eyes.

"The self-proclaimed 'Liberator of worlds'..." Sayaka remarked, slowly walking around the living statue as she continued, "I heard about your army once... You and your people come from an alternate Earth in an alternate universe, designation 2813-1210 under the Royal Order of the Morning Rescue stable sections in space-time numbering system...

Where Vlad the Impaler was actually a vampire and fled to the China in the year 1450 to escape being burnt as a warlock, taking refuge in a secluded Buddhist monastery, building up his forces undetected for several hundred years using dark magic, _troop_ by _troop_, _soldier_ by _**soldier**_, until that world's Second World War started...

He unleashed his hellish vampire hordes unto the unwitting humans, completely crushing any resistance.

But apparently, the complete and utter domination of an entire planet wasn't _enough_ for your _dear leader_, so eventually, somewhere, some_how_, he developed a means of cross-dimensional travel. Judging from the fact that you gave away your life-signs so easily, assume this is your first time invading this planet, is that correct?" Sayaka asked.

"All this from a bunch of rumours? You would make a perfect Shaolin-vanian. Cold, calculating, _obsessive_..." the statue replied.

"I may be calculating, but I'm not _cold_... And as for my information on you? Let's say I interviewed some _very_ outspoken individuals... I don't exactly know how your modus opareti works, but I can guess... judging from close biological similarities with the Romeroverse zombies and many other creatures of the sort, I assume you propagate by forcibly turning people into one of you, is that correct?"

"We don't _force_ people to, we _**convince**_ them."

"Well, you people can just _bugger off_ for all I care..." Sayaka shouted, "Go on, just _bugger off_ back to your own little universe. We don't _need_ you here!"

"_You are a __**NUISANCE**_" all the statued and paintings in the exhibits told her at the same time.

Moving head back a bit, she barely dodged a shot fired by a pretend statue that was wielding a musket at the far end of the room.

Twirling around, she pulls out her cutlasses and slices the legs off a giant as she did so in one smooth arc.

Turning around, she found a fist that was mere inches from caving her face in. She braced for the impact, only to feel nothing. The enemy froze in his spot, stabbed in the back by a spear, then collapsed, revealing the culprit.

It was Kyoko.

They both smiled at each other.

"C'mon, they're _everywhere!_" Kyoko shouted, pulling along Sayaka by the hand.

They fought wave after wave of Vampires, many of which seem to prefer using their limbs and occasionally on melee weapons. Very rarely do they see one wielding a gun or crossbow. It makes sense, at least from a logistical if not tactical standpoint. Melee and hand-to-hand combat doesn't use up any resources aside from manpower, which they almost certainly have a lot of.

They arrived at a barricade from which the class, Tsukasa and Kagami included, hid behind

"Aww crap, what is it now!" Kagami complained in anguish.

"Vampires, _Kung-Fu_ vampires from another dimension!" Sayaka replied.

"That sounds totally retarded, yet so totally awesome at the same time. I'm in!" said Kyoko.

"Good, because we bought _Guile _along too!"

"What, you mean the guy from that fighting game!" Kyoko said in disbelief.

"_No_, silly! I meant _righteous cunnning_, which is what we heroes (the smart ones, anyway) _always_ bring to the fight!" Sayaka exclaimed cheerfully.

"Oh" the redhead deadpanned.

"Aargh..." Kagami grumbled, "I just wanted a peaceful field trip with my dear sister, then some aliens come and ruin all of it!"

"Well, the more accurate term for it would be-"

"WHATEVER, I'm not just gonna let some murderous pieces of art ruin my day!" she said, picking up the onion garland she had and throwing it at one of the vampires. It knocked him out stone cold.

Sayaka noticed that his colleages quietly avoided the garland as it hit the floor, regarding it with caution. This made her slap her head. Of course, _onions_. They were _vampires_.

She looked around and saw an side exit near the back of the barricade that few noticed. Weird.

"C'mon, I have a plan..." she said, sneaking herself and her companionsout of the door.

They entered the crazy old man's Onion exhibit a few seconds later. The vampires have already breached this area, but the old coot could clearly hold his own against those monsters.

"Here's to _humanity_, _**freaks!**_" he yelled, unloading a cart of onions on the unwitting feet of a group of vampires. They all screeched an inhuman screech of pain. One of them even melted.

More of them were still pouring forth from the sole main entrance of the room.

"You whippersnappers, feel the fury of my _Prized Onion!_" he screamed, summoning up an inhuman amount of strength that was probably last seen in WW2, singlehandedly pushing over the giant onion and causing it to topple in front of the entrance, blocking it and crushing a few of those critters with a satisfying *crunch*.

"Captain-umm..."

"Captain Jackie, a pleasure meetin' you, ma'am!" he said, bowing.

"Umm, yeah, Captain Jack, do you still that Onion Smoothie machine?" Sayaka asked.

"Yeah, why? You wanna onion smoothie?"

"Well, almost, but not _exactly_..."

Kyoko pressed her face against the wall. She heard the sound of concrete chipping away, and the sound of gnashing teeth.

_Chipping concrete._

_Gnashing teeth._

"They're trying to break through!" Kyoko said, shoving a couple of spears into the ground, all tilting towards the wall. "You two! It's time to make yourselves _useful_!" she shouted, motioning to Tsukasa and Kagami. "Pick up as many onions as you you can and pile them to the side of the wall. Tsukasa, you take the left, Kagami takes the right! Our lives depend on it!" the redhead continued.

"Y-Yes ma'am!" Tsukasa shouted, doing a salute and running off, with Kagami following behind. Kyoko shuddered at the amount of food that was about to go to waste, put picking between having to destroy a ton of vegetables to destroy a monstrous horde, and being a mindless slave of said horde, she prefered the first option, even if it did pain her so.

Sayaka confirmed her fears earlier on when she told her the vampire's one weakness (Since sunlight was ineffective. She tried, she really did, she said.).

Tsukasa arrived with an armful of bulbs at the ready, but it was too late, some of the vampires had already breached the concrete wall, and were already breaching the room en masse. She threw her entire armful at a charging vampire. The onions embedded themselves in it's skin, but instead of melting, it's outer 'skin' melted off, revealing a much more human and less monstrous figure. He was wearing ripped shorts, but not much else. Tsukasa checked his pulse (for he looked like a man). He was alive, at least.

Trying to fight back the creatures, Kyoko Sakura was quickly flanked and mobbed from all sides. "Hey, get offa' me, you freaks!" she screamed, spinning her spear to knock out a few of assailants, while still trying to shake off the smaller critters that still hung to her back and legs. Suddenly, she was shoved face down into the floor by a much larger wave of vampires. She was pinned down with over several hundred pounds of undead monstrosity above her. She closed her eyes.

"Crap" she said.

"Kyoko, hang on!" she heard Sayaka say, feeling the weight on her back decrease drastically. Inhuman screams filled the air. She felt a liquid go down her face. It tasted almost exactly like... _liquefied onions!_ Oh right, onion smoothie, _nice_.

Standing up, she found the floor to be covered by an inch of the stuff.

Mumbling somesting about wasted foodstuffs, she looked at the smoothie machine positioned right next to Sayaka. It had a lot of tubes and hoses hooked up to it, with most of them connected to ventilation shafts, drains and into the floor, but one of them was held up by Sayaka, with the green mush steadily dripping out of it. There were also a few cranks that weren't there before, and the redhead felt a strong aura of magic wafting off from the machine, a surefire sign that it was enchanted.

Kyoko took all of this in for a few seconds.

"Sayaka, this has got to be, one of the _most_ _**insane**_ plans you've ever come up with!"

She laughed. "I love it, let's do it!" the redhead fired out.

"Okay, we turn at three, two, one, _**TURN!**_"

* * *

><p><em>Was he gonna be <strong>stuck<strong> like this forever?_

_Will he inadvertently cause the end of the world?_

_Are honey and the kids **safe**?_

All of these questions raged through Yamamoto's mind as his vampirically-transformed body thrashed through members of the force. He had no grudge against police officers, his body was simply being used as a mindless puppet.

Of course, what happened after that rendered all of those questions moot.

It felt cold, and sticky, yet it _burned_ him somehow. It went up to only went up to his knees, yet it _stung_ all over. He could feel his skin peeling off.

He screamed...

...and collapsed.

**/AN UNSPECIFIED PERIOD OF TIME LATER.../**

Yamamoto Godo woke up with a start.

It was strange. He was covered with a blanket, wearing only the torn remnants of his work pants. He was lying on a makeshift bed in the main hall of the museum, alongside dozens of other equally naked and confused people. There were police officers and many, _many _exhausted janitors atanding around nearby. The air reeked of that _distinctive_ janitor scent...

Aww jeez, this was just all too weird.

He fell back to sleep just as quickly as he awoke.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Kyoko Sakura passed by the antique sword where she was sure Sayaka commited mental masturbation over, the allegedly sentient <em>Elysium Cutlass<em>... (Emphasis on the 'sentient')

She leaned close to the shining blade, and remembered what Sayaka told her about it.

"So _you_ were the cause of all this, you little brat of a blade..."

* * *

><p><strong>NAAAAAAAO, IT'S _PREVIEW_ _TIME_ (YAY YAY)/**

Tsukasa: Umm, Sayaka-san, where _are_ we?

Sayaka: Greece, Classical Period. We're here to find a-

Kyoko: A new lesbian _sex slave! _Isn't that right, dearie?

Sayaka: _**NO! **_Just an average _assistant_ for _practical_ purposes.

Kagami: Umm, Sayaka-chan, is this an alternate timeline?

Sayaka: No, why do you ask?

Kyoko: Because of _him_.

Guy with a Missile for a Head: Yia sas, _hallucinations_! Are you here to pay witness to the crazed ramblings of Plate-o the Philosopher?

Our Heroes: ...

* * *

><p><strong>BTW, if you're wondering why nobody has reacted to the sudden presence of two supposedly missing girls, it's because her friendsfamily hasn't yet seen her yet. But thay _will_, and I can't _wait_ to write their dumbfounded reactions then! (It will probably involve fainting. And some amount of hysterical screaming) :P **

**This series takes place 1-2 (Maybe 3, I haven't decided yet) years after the original series, _just so you know _~ :3**

**And for Lucky Star fans, don't worry, the Hiiragi sisters get more lines in the next story. This was just more Kyoko/Sayaka focused episode.**

**Also, as a reminder, if you have any complaints, even the smallest ones, about this series (like a little OOC), please don't hesitate to mention it in a review.**

**Until then, Me_rrrr_y Chrismas! (and a Happy Hanukkah and a Keen Kwanzaa)**


	4. Violence and Psychics!

**QUICK CONTENT WARNING: May be a tad bit violent at times.**

* * *

><p>Sayaka walked into the dark room.<p>

The lights opened, revealing a pair of men in black, wearing shades.

"Ms. Sayaka Miki, Morning Rescue has deemed you trustworthy enough to bestow upon the right to launch any and all weaponary short of nuclear bombs in any location you see fit. Now, if you'll just hand us your mobile phone..."

"Oh, so this is why you called me here... Umm, yeah, thanks and all, but why does the whole thing have to be formalised in some abandoned out-of-the-way apartment? Why couldn't you just visit us in our apartment or e-mail-"

"Ms. Miki, you _do_ know this application is specially designed to launch missiles remotely, correct? We cannot allow them to be intercepted and used by... less than moral individuals."

"Point taken." she said, handing over her phone.

"By the way, why me? What _about_ me do you find makes me trustworthy? Is it all the civilisations I've saved, maybe the one time I blew up a sun to stop an invasion fleet, the one occasion I punched Jack the Ripper _in the __**face**_,-"

"Rub any more of that into our faces, and we'll immediately revoke this right." one of the men, imaginatively codenamed Mr. Blue, said firmly.

"Ah, okay, okay, I'll shut up now."

* * *

><p>"Umm, don't you think this will take up too much up time? My mom might be <em>really<em> worried if I come home late..." Tsukasa worriedly asked.

"What are you so worried about? I know more about time travel than you do. To an average observer, We'll only have gone for a few seconds, max." Sayaka reassured her.

"Well, that's fine and all, but why are you bringing _us_ along?" Kagami asked.

"Why, don't you girls wanna personally experience historical Greece _first ha__nd!_ I know a lot of people would."

"Well, from what I read, Ancient Greece was nothing but slaves, bloodshed, sexism and overt homoerotism..." Kagami said.

"Well, I know someone who won't mind all the senseless violence and overt Ho Yay..." Sayaka said, pointing her thumb towards Kyoko, who was grinning like an idiot. A bloodthirsty idiot.

Kagami simply rolled her eyes.

"Umm, so are we going or not?" Tsukasa asked.

"Right, right..." Sayaka said with a wave of her hand. "I'm just gonna put this last component right _here_..." she said, carefully putting a shiny red apple in the exact center of the magic circle they were in.

Kyoko huffed.

"Oh, don't worry, that delicious apple won't be wasted. Just not on _you_."

Kyoko snorted and looked elsewhere.

The blunette continued to make the final touches on the magic circle of time-travel.

"By the way, Sayaka, you said you wanted a slave, right? Isn't that a little-"

"I'm looking for an assistant, not a slave! An assistant is well-treated and respected. A slave is _not_."

"If you wanted an assistant that badly, why can't _I_ help?" Kyoko asked.

"Kyoko, your only method of problem-solving seems to be 'hit it until it goes away', sooo _**NO**_. Also, knowing you, I wouldn't trust you to do _exactly_ as I say."

"Well, what about the twins?"

"I wouldn't want to occupy their time with duties to me. It's like asking the passengers of a cruise ship to help with cleaning it..."

"Point taken."

"Done!"

Sayaka joined hands with Kyoko, who then forcefully grabbed Kagami's hand, who delicately held her beloved sister's hand in hers, who then firmly gripped Sayaka's hand.

"Geez, we all look like little kids playing ring-around the rosy..." the redhead remarked.

Sayaka huffed.

"Alright then..."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, on a nearby street, a certain green-haired young lady walks down the street, a newspaper in hand and an equally green freeze pop in her mouth.<p>

"Hmm, mock monsshter attack in the Art and Hishtory Museum, eh? I wishh I was therre... " she mused, her voice muffled by her emerald lolly, reading the that day's headlines in bold.

She turned round' a corner to see a very amusing sight. There was a group of children in the park, standing inside an elaborately-drawn circle. Before she could make a smart remark about children and the occult, she suddenly recognised one of them.

Blue hair, blue eyes, and that _**face**_...

She even looked like she hasn't aged a _day_ since the last time she saw her...

_No **way**..._

Her ice pop fell from her mouth.

"S-Sayaka!"

She ran over to where they where, only for them to disappear immediately in a flash of light.

The green-haired girl dropped to her knees, sobbing.

* * *

><p><em>WrrraZhumpBrrrghK<strong>rrr<strong>**a****BOOM**!_

The Hiiragi sisters collapsed face down into what felt to be a dirt road baked by the sun.

"In the name of Buddha, at least warn us that we were gonna get spun around like clothes in a washing machine when time-travellin'" Kagami moaned.

"We didn't just _time travel_, my lovely purple-haired tsundere, we _teleported_ as well. How else did you think we moved from modern-day Japan to fifth century BC Greece?" Sayaka replied.

"That's not the point, you _idiot_!" Kagami angrily responded, pulling her face up from the dirt road as she did so. Only then did she realise that they had landed in the middle of a busy Athenian street, with fearful crowd surrounding them and keeping their distance.

"S-Sayaka-san?" Tsukasa said.

"Hmm? Oh, don't worry, I bet the worse they'll do is call us demons from the underworld and threaten us with pointy sticks and stones. Nothing we can't handle." the blunette reassured.

"No, umm, Sayaka-san, are we in an alternate timeline or something like that?"

"I don't think so, why do you ask?"

"Because of _**him**_." Kyoko said.

Sayaka looked up to see the odd-looking fellow approaching them with an expression of glee on his face... Well, his head, more accurately, since it seems like his head was replaced with the body of a miniature-model missile of an equivalent size. It was strange. His body was a normal human body, wearing a tunic, but his head was tall, cylindrical and seemingly metallic. His 'eyes' were on both sides of his large, tubular head, and his brain appeared to be visibly floating in a prism of green liquid at the top.

Overall, it would be very unlikely to have something like this exist in actual history, or it would've already been recorded in the history books. Then again, anything out of the ordinary would likely make most historians call bullshit and label it superstition.

"Yia sas, _hallucinations_! Are you here to pay witness to the crazed ramblings of Plate-o the Philosopher?" the missile-headed man asked.

"Do not be foolish, are obviously real, for _we_ can see them as well as you do!" a man from the crowd shouted at him.

"See? What'd I tell you? Everything is _fi_-"

*_schwing_*

Sayaka was interrupted by a soldier holding a spear against her neck. Sensing danger, Kyoko pulled out one of her own spears and put it against the soldier's own neck.

Looking behind her, Kyoko saw that Tsukasa and Kagami were being held the same way, with a blade at each of their throats.

"Who are you, exactly?" the soldier asked.

"What would you say, if I said that we came from the east?"

"But you don't look like like _moors_..." he said.

"No, I mean _farther_ than that, on a little island just off the east coast of Asia..."

"You jest..." the soldier said. "But nevermind. Very well then, people of the Far East, disarm yourselves immediately."

"Alright." Sayaka said, then dropped a crapload of cutlasses from her coat. She turned looked at Kyoko.

"What! Oh, okay, I'll play along..." she said, dropping a huge pile of spears out of nowhere.

Some of the guards stepped back in surprise.

One of the civilians stepped forward.

"B-But Sir, they appeared out of nowhere, in a flash of light! Plus, that amount of weapons cannot possibly be carried by a normal person! Can we at least give Alis-Totl the bene-_oww_...!*crash*"

The man collaped to his knees after being bludgeoned by the blunt edge of a spear.

"Silence, fool! You know _nothing_!"

"So you aren't hallucinations after all..."

"And you, young man, you should stop spouting these tall tales about trips to the future, visitors from other worlds, and all that other nonsense around the citizenry, lest their minds be corrupted by the ideas of these... _atheists_..." the guard said, as though their very name disgusted him to the core.

"But sir, you just saw these visitors from another world, t-they're standing right there..." Alis-Totl said.

"They look pretty worldly to me." he said, ruffling Tsukasa's hair. "You do look a bit... purple, though."

"Umm, I think you should go with me..." Alis-Totl offered, grabbing Sayaka's hand and pulling her along.

"Umm, excuse me, _Alis-Totl_, is it? Can you please tell me where we are again?"

"Why, this is Athens, in the Mighty Empire of the Jaredine, of course!" Alis-Totl said, exasperated.

"Oh, right... So who's this Jaredine guy again?"

Alis-Totl stopped, and sighed.

"Normally, you'd be stabbed to death on the streets for sheer ignorance, but I'll make things easier for you cause' you're all foreigners of the most foreign kind. Though, to be fair to my people, shouldn't you already know about our world prior to your arrival?"

"Well, we kinda came here by accident..."

"Really now? Well, I'll bring you over to my house for some tea and biscuits, then we can talk. Umm, don't worry, my teacher might be a bit screwy in the head, but he's very accomodating. _Very_."

"Wait, you live with your teacher?" Kagami asked.

"Why yes, of course! It would be highly disrespectful not to. Especially not when your teacher is pushing a hundred and at least partially senile."

"Oh, right... I haven't asked for your names yet..."

"Ah, yes, my name's Sayaka Miki, Hero of Justice, the bloody-haired lass over there is Kyoko Sakura, our resident dumb muscle..."

"Hey!"

"...and these two lovely violet-haired vixens are the Hiiragi twins, the one with the short air and chronic cuteness is Tsukasa, her not-quite-as-cute-but-still-kinda-adorable sister's name is Kagami, right over here."

"Nice to meet you, my name's Alis-Tol, humble apprentice of the great philosopher Plate-O"

"Umm, isn't it supposed to be pronounced Plato?"

"Well, if that's what you wanna call him in your strange otherworldly accents, then yes."

Right then, Kyoko walked up to the man with the metal head.

"Yeah, alright, so last question, why the hell is your head like... like _that_!" she said, tapping on Alis-Totl's metallic carapace.

"Oh, you mean the _treatment_." he said, pulling away from the virulent redhead. "Sorry for showing you such an ugly sight, this is punishment for speaking and acting in ways contrary to official government policy. You have your sense organs and brain ripped out, then you have your now hollow head cut off and replaced with a piece of junk, then they re-insert said sense organs into whatever godforsaken piece of junk just replaced your head"

"I'm so sorry..." Tsukasa said.

"Don't be. It was two years since that day. I'm used to it." he curtly said, walking slightly ahead of the group.

"So, what is up with with calling us hallucinations?"

"Well, we've been witnessing so many supposed visitors that were actually not there, presumely imagined, so I just said that out of jest."

"So Plato's a researcher too, huh? I wonder if the Spartans have giant robots..." Sayaka mused.

* * *

><p><em>Bssh<em>

_Bssh Bssh_

_Bssh _

*click*

"Yes, madam."

"Ah, Afentikoooooooó, have you identified these... _outsiders_ yet?" a shrill female voice that sounded like someone's evil grandma come back to life rang over the magically-constructed earpieces

"Well, not exactly-"

"What? Wasn't it obvious, Mr. Afentikó? It's the self-proclaimed Hero of Justice, Sayaka Miki, Dimensional Traveller and Former Puella Magi! Clearly, she is not of this earth..."

"But we already know where they came from, Ma'am! They're visitors from the _East_!"

"Just how thick are you, Afentikó? Like, a _**TRILLION**_ kilometres thick? Did you not see the facade of LIES they have built up themselves and used as MASKS? If you did not see through their facade, then you have _no business_ being by right-hand man!"

With a deafening _whirr_, the earpiece spun and dug it's way into the his ear. He cried out in pain as the tiny construct tore through his ear, before melting into pile of red sludge on the floor.

"Heptos!" the tiny construct said from the midst of all the gore, "_You're_ in charge_**now**_!"

"Y-Ye-_YES, __**YES**_, Mistress!" he screamed in terror, before rushing for the door. His equally terrified men followed him outside.

"Hey, wait! I didn't get to bind myself to you yet! And you're not even supposed to be on the field! Hey!" the voice said, it's source crawling out of the liquefied head guard with legs like a spider.

* * *

><p>As soon as they entered the house, Sayaka immediately squealed the unmistakable squeal of a <em>fangirl<em>.

A load cracking sound was heard.

"_**Whoah**_, _Sayaka_, get a hold of yourself before this house collapses!" Kyoko shouted, shaking Sayaka by the shoulders.

"_IknowIknow_ Kyoko-chan, it's just that... " Sayaka seemed to be lost in thought for a few seconds. "Hey Kyoki-"

"Who're you calling Kyoki!"

"-did you know, Kyusikou dearie, that Plato and his student, Aristotle, along with his teacher, Socrates, were one of the _greatest philosophers_ in the western world?"

"Yeah, so? They're not even the _real deal_."

"They alternate universe counterparts. Which is close enough in my view." Sayaka said, before collapsing unto the floor.

"S-Sayaka-chan!"

"No worries, the Blueberry Head'll be alright, Tsukasa-san." Kyoko deadpanned.

"Ah, Alis-Totl, have you fed Euphemia already?" the old man piped up.

"Euphemia?"

"Pet turtle" Alis-Totl said, before running off to another part of their humble dwelling.

Sitting down at the dining table for a few seconds, he seemed to be lost in thought for a few minutes, then snapped back into reality like someone just hit his 'on' switch.

"Ah, yes, _guests_. Alis-Totl already told me all about you people."

"But he didn't-"

"Telepathy."

The Hiiragi twins looked at each other. Okay, so this was definitely _**not**_ the past. At least not _their_ Earth's past.

"Alright, mister, what do you say about giving us a slave. Preferably young, female and pluckier than a gaggle of turkeys. Feel free to name a price, any price." Kyoko rattled off, muching an apple contemptiously.

"Kyoko!" Sayaka reprimanded, sitting up from the floor.

"What? This is what we came for, right?"

"Well, you could've been _nicer_ about it!"

"Ahem" the old man coughed. "My apologies, I don't have any slaves worth selling to you right now... Well, actually, we don't have any slaves at all. It's just another one of the government's cruel punishments. You know, besides this..." he said, pointing to his flat, plate-like head.

"Oh, sorry about that..."

"I do not understand your constant apologies. Anyhow, we have slave sale tonight. In the meantime, please enjoy our most humble hospitality."

"Well, alright, but if there isn't any feasting and/or violence within the next 24 hours, I'm gonna flip the f**k out." Kyoko said in a matter-of-fact voice.

Sayaka elbowed Kyoko in the side.

"Ouch, what'd you do that for, you little bi-"

"My little puppy..." Sayaka interrupted, cradling her partner's sweet face with both hands while holding a mischevious on her face.

"Grrr, Sayaka-chan, there are _people_ watching!"

"_Yes_, I _know_ right?"

"Dear Euphemia's already sleeping teacher."

"Good, good. I'll just check on my progress downstairs. You, Alis-Totl, will attend to their every need. Is that understood?"

"Of couse, teacher. You didn't even need to order me. Hospitality is extremely important, of course."

Nodding in satisfaction, the aged philosopher went down another door.

"Well, our personal cellar stockes _quality_ wine. Would you like a taste?" Alis-Totl offered, rising from his chair.

"Well, first... what's downstairs?" Sayaka asked.

"Oh, it's just research papers, some minor clockwork, nothing that will interest anyone but the most jaded scholars..."

"And I'm one of those jaded scholars." Sayaka said, standing up. "Now, would you please take me down there."

"He'd never let anyone but me and himself enter..." he responded.

"And what would be the perfectly reasonable reason for that be? Hmm, _young scholar_?" the blunette pressed, leaning towards the metal-headed man.

"It would be for reasons that outsiders like you wouldn't understand! NOW, Ms. Miki, will you please _stop_ leaning over the table, it's the only one we have." he firmly said.

Defeated, Sayaka sat down on her stool with a blank expression on her face.

"Now then, I'll go get the drinks. I'll be back in a moment." he said, leaving for the house's cellar.

"Tsukasa, it's your chance! Try to sneak in, _now_!" Sayaka quickly whispered to the velvet-haired girl.

"B-But, why me!"

"You're _small_ and _innocent_. I bet nobody will suspect you of anything-"

"I'm _back_."

The girls all turned to look at him immediately. In his hands was a bottle of red wine and four drinking goblets.

"Now then, you said you came here by _accident_, is that correct?" he asked.

"Well, duuh, what do you us for, _**spies**_?" Kyoko sneered, gulping down the entire contents of her goblet.

"Well, if you were, you would make very bad ones." Alis-Totl remarked.

"Well, how do I explain this, err... well we didn't originally intend to visit _this_ place, per se. We just wanted to go to a place almost exactly like this place..."

"Yeah, except without, you know, all of this 'replacing your head as punishment' business, and the name of the country was Greece, not this so-called _Jaredine Empire-_"

"Techically, it's the Mighty Empire of the Jaredine, but go on..."

"...and guards didn't hurt people on the streets for reasons as trivial as arguing with them or not bowing to a noble you didn't see..."

"Well, it isn't trivial to _my_ people."

"Well, yeah, that's the point. We didn't really want to go here. This place is _different_. Something _botched_ our time-travel spell and now we've veered WAAYYY off course."

"I'm sorry to hear that." he said.

"Thanks for your concern, mister, but we only travelled to get an, AHEM, _a willing and faithful_ _servant_ and then get back. Your people have slaves for sale, yes?" Kyoko asked.

"Why, yes, of course! If you want a slave, you can get one in the market, for the low, low price of six pieces of silver..." he rattled off.

"Ahem" Sayaka cleared her throat. "I said we wanted an _assistant_, not a _slave_."

"Aren't they the same thing?"

Kagami coughed.

"They're not. Your people won't understand the morality of it all..." the blunette said contemptiously.

Sighing, Kagami took out an ancient Greece travel guide she got from Sayaka from her jacket. "Well, if we're gonna have to kill some time till' nighttime, I suggest we do some touring..." she said.

"Ah, I know a wonderful place to eat, it's called the Demeter Diner, they serve some _quality _beef jerky and apple pie..." he said, nearly salivating.

_Restaurants, beef jerky and apple pie? In Ancient Greece! Maybe the Persians'll have the heads of dogs for all I know!_

"_Did someone say beef jerky_!" Kyoko screamed, pulling her head from the table with a ravenous, bloodthirsty look on her face. "The last time I had a bite of beef jerky, I felt like I'd drifted to _heaven_, man! It's too bad tha _Japs_ are too _**wussy**_ to stock these _delisshious strips of meat_ where I can _**GRAB**_ they'm..." she slurred, before slamming her head back down with a *thump*.

_awkward silence..._

"She's like that..." Sayaka apologetically said after a few seconds.

"Yeah, like an animal." Kagami continued.

* * *

><p>Peeking around the small window into one of the bedrooms, the now-appointed head cen checked to see if the coast was clear. There was only one of the foreigners, a redhead slepping soundly in a guest bed.<p>

Motioning his comrades to come closer, he slowly set his feet into the room. He moved with with slow, deliberate steps, to avoid waking her. Even if the others were to dismiss her as 'just a little girl', he knew better, having seen her suddenly grab a spear out of thin air.

Quietly moving across the room, he gestured to the men huddled outside the window to step inside too.

They slowly moved in...

_Really_ slowly...

Alas, it was not slow enough, for a second later, there was a spear, going right through a cen eye socket.

"Don't you underestimate me, you sick f***ks, sneaking into a room where an innocent girl's _sleeping_." she growled. Then, as if to further accentuate the irony, she pushed the spear all the way to the back of his head, hitting the opposite wall and clattering to the ground.

The guard _**screamed**_ in pain, then dropped dead.

Summoning another spear, she smirked at them. Though it was unwise of them to disturb her lovely nap, there's something to be said about the suicidally brave that brought a smile to her face.

"But that's impossible!" the new head guard said in horror, "We completely _disarmed_ you. I _saw_ it with my own eyes!"

"Idiots, you can't disarm a Puella Magi's powers." the redhead said contemptiously.

Summoning up their resolve, the remaining few guards attecked her all at once.

The redhead immediately leapt up to avoid getting pierced, though the bed she was sleeping on was not so lucky.

She pushed off the roof and pounced on an unsuspecting soldier. The poor sod's head was reduced to chunky salsa on the wall with a punch.

The ones closest to the window promptly freaked out and jumped out. Sucks to be them, she supposed. Nothing but upright spears were waiting for them below.

Seeing an opening, a lone soldier screamed and shoved his chest into her back. He finally killed her...

...at least, that's what he thought.

His eyes widened as the girl turned her head a full 180 without moving her body an inch. It widened even more as he took in her long and wide smile... A smile that held no goodwill, at least not to him.

She took him by the throat and pulled him in to breathing distance.

"W-W-Who are you?" he said, terrified out of his wits.

"Me? I'm Kyoko Sakura, just your normal,_ run of the mill_ _**magical girl, THAT'S ALL...**_"

Her face quickly turned from terrifyingly monstrous to terrifyingly calculating.

"You know, before you and your buddies have the gall to attack me and my friends again, I suggest you ran away and tell them how _awesome_ I am...". Grinning maniacally, she forcefully made the lone guard carry his comrades corpses. Then she kicked him out of the house. Literally.

"Kyousyko-dearie" Sayaka said, her head peering over at her beloved redhead. "Oh, you're awake. Wanna go out with us?" she asked.

"What? You mean to _that_ restaurant? _Hell yes_ I am!" the redhead said, diving out of the window.

"nee~ Kyoko-chan, you're always lusting after food. I sometimes wonder if you're really Jughead's genderbent clone." Sayaka sighed.

* * *

><p>"Here's your food!<p>

"Th-h-_hanks_!" the red-headed food dumpster beamed as she looked at her order, which was enough to occupy nearly half of the table.

"By the way, Sayaka-san, where's Tsukasa?" Alis-Totl asked. Someone's clearly been teaching him proper japanese honorifics.

"Oh, she has... _other sights to see_..." she cryptically answered.

He raised an eyebrow, but did not press further. After all, she didn't.

Kyoko paid both no heed. She was too busy stuffing her mouth.

* * *

><p>"The humans of this world are so idiotic. Ah well, I'll go for <em>Plan B<em>!" the voice said to itself, before multiplying itself into many copies of itself.

"Go on, my _children_! It is time! Show them no mercy!"

Screeching, the living headphones attached themselves to every soldier's ear, willingly or not.

* * *

><p>If it'd been anyone else, they would've been <em>suspicious<em>. But since this this was _Tsukasa_, they paid her no heed. It was as if she gave off an aura of pure innocence and _moe_ that made other people hesitate to accuse her of anything.

It was a good thing she managed to snatch a spare toga from what she assumed to the bath. Sure, someone is gonna freak out when s/he finds out, but it was for a good cause, she'll assure h/er/im.

She wandered through the labyrinthian underground hallways. From what she overheard in the conversations here, it seemed like this was an academy for _something_, though she wasn't sure, and all the young men and women walking around are actually students.

She entered what appeared to a library of some sort, with a gathering of students in one corner. She joined the crowd. She saw Plate-O alongside what appeared to be a fresh cadaver. The corpse had what appeared to be a golden bluetooth headset attached to his ear.

"Now that I've hacked into this contraption, using it's direct connection to the brain, I can make this fresh cadaver do _whatever_ I want to!" the old man said.

"Now then, wake up, dear sir..."

It immediately stood up from it's prone position.

"Good, now jump!"

It jumped.

"Now roll over!"

It laid itself on the ground and rolled around.

The class was visibly amazed, with all the "Ooh's" and the "Aah's" reverberating around.

"Now, the fascinating thing is, due to the unique construction of this earpiece, it can theoretically control even still living bei- wait a minute, my class is supposed to have ended already, correct?"

The students all nodded.

"Well, go on. Don't let me keep ya!"

And so they all left.

Tsukasa kept on looking at the corpse. It seemed alive, yet was thoroughly dead. He wasn't even pale. Ah well, it must be magic.

She then realised she had spent a few more seconds than usual to look at the cadaver. She quickly turned and walked away to avoid anyone becoming suspicious.

"You're name's Tsukasa, is that right?" the old man suddenly said.

Tsukasa froze.

The old man laughed. "You don't need to be so flustered, heheh, but I do warn you. You may be gettings into situations you may not have wished for, young lady..." he warned.

She gulped.

"I've been... I've been chased by undead soldiers in my school, and my hometown was nearly taken over by undead alien martial-artist vampires from another world that turn you into one of them. I even met Sayaka-chan because she saved me and my family from demons. Physical incarnations of despair, I remembered her explaining. I was really thankful..."

"Is that why you sneaked in here, out of a sense of gratitude?"

"Yes, but, also... she showed me a whole new world out there... that is, that there's so much more to see beyond the fringes of everyday life that I wanted to help her in anyway I can, if only so I could see more..."

"So, in the end, it was all about gratitude, is that correct?"

"Well, if you put it that way..." Tsukasa said, trailing off as she tapped her pointer-fingers together.

"So, what does your school each you, huh, Tsukasa?"

"Oh, well, they teach me science, math, english, the importance of running fast..." she listed.

"Well, you know what we teach here? We teach people how to knock over goats by _staring_ at them."

Tsukasa blinked.

"Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously! But if that isn't enough, we design all-sorts of wonderful tech. You know about time machines? They were supposed to be invented in the 51st century, but we invented it a **BILLION YEARS** ahead of schedule. Our version also travels through alternate universes if you're so inclined. We even made a field trip to what people call 'Magical Girl Valhalla' last year... nice girl, the one who ran the place, if a little too _saintly_ for my tastes..." he mused.

Tsukasa just stared at him.

"You're trying to get me enroll, aren't you?"

He just rubbed the back of her head.

"Ehe, well, we do have a noticeable shortage of students lately..."

"But why're you keeping this hidden? Education is _good_."

"Be-_cause_", Plat-O wrapped his arms around Tsukasa's shoulers, "_The __**Man**_ is keeping knowledge down."

* * *

><p>"Is that the diner?"<p>

"I'm pretty sure it is, but are ya sure we should be messin' with them? Especially _her_? You saw what she did with the bodies! At least, the ones that were still _recognisably_ human..."

"Well, I dunno about you guys, but I'm staying as _far away as possible_ from that crazy bitch as I can!"

"By the way, wearing those headsets yet?"

"Oh, I forgot. Wait, lemme put it on first..."

"_**AAAAAA**_ahhh... **ASSIMILATION: MOSTLY DONE.**"

Barging into the room, they started waving their pears around menacingly.

"_Everyone_, hands in the air! _Nobody move_, or you'll all be _raw Shish Kebab_, except _you're all the __**meat**__!_" threatened one of the guards.

As if just for emphasis, they knocked over the table Kyoko and friends were dining at, making about a hundred pounds of food and drink to hit the floor.

At that point, everyone complied.

Well, almost everyone.

Kyoko stared at the tons of food wasted on the floor with murderous eyes.

_Oh fu*k no_...

_They were just **asking** for it..._

_The line has been __**CROSSED**_...

Trembling, she held the shoulder of a nearby guard, then forcefully ripped his arm off. His screams of pain caused the rest to tense up.

"_**Kyoko**_! What the fu-"

"THEY _FLIPPED OVER MY MEAL OF MUTTON CHOPS, MASHED POTATOES AND __**DELICIOUS**__ BEEF JERKY_. Plus, they threatenedinnocent lives. THEY NEED TO _**DIIEEE!**_"

Foaming at the mouth, she picked up the table they were eating on and used it to, respectively, bisect a guard in half, cause massive internal bleeding in another, and reduced another guy to red paste on the wall. She then proceded to pick up her chair and shove it's legs into another soldier's chest.

She also ripped off a soldier's head and shoved it down his comrade's throat.

Unfortunately, by the time she finished ripping out a guy's ribs and using it to beat yet another unlucky bastard to death, the enemy had wisened up and held the entire diner hostage the _proper way_, by putting their blades at the throats of everyone inside.

Kyoko slowly raised both of her arms. "God Damn bystanders..." she cursed.

Then a truck came crashing through the window, rendering all that moot.

All of a sudden, dudes in togas came leaping out of the back of the truck, taking down a few of the enemy's mooks.

Kyoko took this as an invitation to resume being the female incarnation of Kratos. So she made the first enemy she met have his face meet the ground. Bloodily.

"Hey guys!" squeaked a very familiar voice.

"_**TSUKASA**_!"

* * *

><p>"So what you're saying, is that Plato did found his little Academy, but instead of teaching mathematics and philosophy, they teach you <em>psychic powers<em>, _super-science_, and _being really witty_?" Sayaka asked.

"Yep, that's pretty much it." Tsukasa said.

"Tsukasa?"

"Yes, Sayaka-chan?" she asked, still wearing the toga she stole. Apparently, nobody noticed.

"Here's for being a sneaky bastard." the blunette said, then kissed her in the forehead.

The violet-haired girl's face turned a very bright red, then passed out.

"Wow, if she's _that_ easily flustered, how'll she handle her passionate _first kiss_ on the _lips_?" Kyoko mused.

They were riding in the truck that Plat-O and his students just so happened to buy from a 21st century junkyard. They were riding away from the city, out into the countryside, with soldiers hot on their trail.

"By the way, you came in right when we were in the most danger, was it a Deus Ex Machina, or are cellpones already invented?"

"Telepathic link." Alis-Totl said, then poined to himself, then to his master.

Figures.

"_There they are! __**GET THEM!**_" the minion's commander screamed at the top of his lungs, his unit coming at them them from the front.

"I'll take that as a challenge." said Kyoko, then she leapt out a side door, pouncing on and taking out a few men.

The truck went on a sudden stop as hundreds of tons of metal met a hundred or so of human guard.

"Plate-O! Stop the truck, will ya?"

"Why should I?"

"I have a _plan_!"

The old man appeared hesitant, but immediately complied when he saw Tsukasa glaring harshly at him.

Stepping outside, she fended off a few of the guards with the blunt edge of her cutlass. Unlike Kyoko, she wasn't as keen on senselessly killing enemies.

Strange. Despite knowing what they were fully capable of, they appeared to attack without fear, like they were controlled or something...

_Hold on_...

Sayaka noticed what appeared to be golden earpieces on each and every single one of them.

_Earpieces?_

Closing the distance, she pulls out the earpiece. Immediately, the guy drops his weapon.

"Oh god, what am I doing here..." he uneasily said. "I'm gonna get my head blown off!"

And with that, he fled.

Huh.

Climbing unto the truck's back, she tries to hack into the network.

"Hey, blueberry-head, help out, will ya?" Kyoko screamed.

"I _am_, just keep on fighting, I _believe_ in you!"

"Oh, don't give me that shonen manga crap..." she said, as she was cornered by about a thousand soldiers, her back to the edge of a cliff.

_Bssh_

_Bssh Bssh_

_Bssh _

*click*

"Yes, yes, what is it, Heptos! It better be good, or I'll do to ya what I did to the last ten boss guards who displeased me!" a shrill female voice said from the other side.

"Oh? What _exactly_ did you do to those troublesome boss guards who displeased you?" Sayaka answered.

"You're reaallly asking for it, aren't yo-...Wait a minute, this doesen't sound like Heptos! Who the _hell_ are you?"

"You _should_ know. After all, you _caused_ our cross-dimensional snafu."

"It's _you_! ..._**crap**_"

Sayaka turned and looked at the soldiers fighting Kyoko. "You _forced_ them to fight!"/\

"Yes, well, it was easier then using fear to control them..."

"Lookie here, you. I don't know your name, or where you came from, but I do know this: Whoever messes with my friends deserves no mercy..." the blunette says, then she overloads the system with magic power, overloading it and blowing up every mind-controlling earpiece.

"Umm, Bob, what are we doing here?"

"I dunno Bob, maybe we- _Holy __**Crap**_, it's that crazy blood-haired girl that Alex told us all about! _**RUN FOR YOUR LIFE**_!"

"Hey, get back here you frickin' cow-"

"Kyoko! Let them go..."

The girl with the blood-red hair grinned back at her partner.

"So what insane plan did you pull off _this_ time?"

"Oh, just a bit of applying magical power to overload magical circuits." she cheerily said.

"_**NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**_**!** My precious evil plan, _RUIIIINNNNEDD_!- hahaha, just joking. You didn't think I could _absorb_ magic power, can you?"

_**Shhh-**_

"Umm, Sayaka-san, just _what_ is happening?" Tsukasa

"Huh?"

Sayaka looked up. Above them the skies shifted. The blue daytime sky gave way to the golden hue of a sunset. The recognisable roar of an aeroplane overhead clued them as to their location

Wait a minute...

"HAHAHAHAAAAAHAAAA! _Your __**world**_, ripe for the picking!" the shrill voice gloated.

"You-"

"Hahaha, too late, CHILD. You may have put a tiny portion of my forces out of comission, but the rest are setting sail _right now_! They'll be taking over your wretched city before long..."

"Actually, if you were ever planning on invading another dimension, you should've known what they were _capable of_."

Bringing out her cellphone, she dialled a number. "Hey, Mr. Blue/\? Yeah, over here, right off the coast of Tokyo. Yeah, at the center. I've already marked it out for ya..."

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, you know, calling reinforcements."

Suddenly, the roar of rockets were heard all over the teleported city of Athens. Missiles were seen zooming over the landscape. The sound of an explosion was heard.

Heads turned. The lady's hiding place was being bombed into oblivion, a larger than average athenian house.

"What? NO!*boom* Tell them to stop!*crash* If this keeps up, I'll *boom*, I'll..."

"Then stop this immediately. Stop and get off your stupid ass off planet, and _**never come back**_..."

"Never."

"Then _perish_."

"What? _**No!**_ *crash* Aa-ghhbhzzzzzz*static*"

"Sooo, what do we do now, Sayaka-chan?" Tsukasa asked

"Umm, let's just focus on getting you two home first..."

"Yeah, good idea." Kagami said, exiting the truck. "Let's get home before mom and dad get freaked out even more than they probably already are."

* * *

><p>"Well, that was a surprise. I've seen and done things most people can't even imagine, and yet this is the first time I've been slapped by someone's mother." Sayaka complained, nursing the bright red slap mark on her cheek.<p>

"Oh, it could've been worse. Someone in the family might've known that crotch kicks work on girls too, you know." Kyoko reassured.

"Wait a minute, we didn't get that slave we came for!" the redhead continued.

"Oh, yeah. But at least we... oh right, we barely saved any lives cause' of your indiscriminate killing! I never want to see such a massive waste of life again! Those killings were excessive, both morally and practically!"

"Ok, ok..." Kyoko said, plugging her ears. "I'll just pull a Batman from now on. Happy?"

"No, that's not enough. When we get home, I'm gonna _punish_ you the worst way... _in **bed**_!"

"You- Oh, you _dirty, __**dirty**_ girl..."

**/IN THA NEXT EPISODE.../**

Charlotte: Oh, g'day, mortal! Let me make some tea for you!

Kagami: Umm, thanks?

* * *

><p><strong>I'm not sure if <strong>**Kyoko**** is really one to freak out **_**that **_**much over food, but given that she neck-lifted Sayaka (or something like that) for knocking over a perfectly good apple, I wouldn't hold it against her. I mean, writing scenes of her being senselessly violent is **_**FUN**_**.**

**But I don't know, maybe I overdid it a little.**

**But Jes** Ch****, she could sign up for the ANGRY MARINES EFF YEAH when in pissed-off mode.**

**Anyways, is it me or are the size of my chapters doubling every update?**


	5. Go Go Dessert Witch!

**Here's a new chapter for a new year!**

* * *

><p><em>Charlotte...<em>

The aqua-haired girl clenched her fists in determination.

_I'm coming to get you, Charlotte!_

And with that, she jumped through the portal.

* * *

><p>"Would you like some?"<p>

"Huh?"

"Tea, of _course_. Or were you more in the mood for cheesecake?" the pink, cartoonish, girly... _**thing**_ said, it's voice light and fluffy.

"Umm, tea...?"

"Oh, _Oh_, I'd like _cheesecake_. Preferably with _extra cheese_!" Tsukasa cheerily said.

Kagami was rather unnerved by how quickly her dear sister adapted to interacting with beings that could easily bite your head off.

_Shudder_...

Well, there's no going back now, especially not if your guest is a quasi eldritch abomination that can trap you in a parallel dimension, conjure sweets from thin air, and turn into a giant cartoon-worm-thing...

Kagami really didn't know how she got into this predicament. Okay, maybe she did, but she didn't want to think about it.

It all started with a transfer student, really.

* * *

><p>It was a normal day at Mitakihara Middle School. She was already used to the sterile environment and all the chairs popping out of the floor (modern technology takes some getting used to), so she just spent idle class hours staring out the window.<p>

Then, _she_ entered.

Of course, she was a transfer student, and if the countless hours she wasted with the blue-haired maniac known as Konata taught her anything, it's that transfer students are never really _just_ transfer students.

She would've added 'especially if she appears mysterious and alof', if not for the fact that she presented herself as none of those things.

"Now, class, we have a new student moving in with us today, she's a transfer student from Britain. Now, please treat her nicely, everyone."

"Very pleased to meet ya'll, fellow humans like me!" she beamed. Even though her introduction was somewhat suspicious, her smile seemed to erase all worry.

"I'm Charlotte Candy, first name Charlotte, last name Candy. I hope we have _snackin'_ time together!" she said, swinging her arm and making up her own slang as she did so.

The whole class had a look at her. She was pink haired, tied into two short ponytails at the side, making her head look like a pink piece of wrapped candy. Her face looked both innocent and mischevious at the same time, all while sporting a pair of smashingly cute little fangs at the side.

"Alright, Charlotte, there's an empty seat right next to the window, right in front of Kagami-san." the teacher said.

"Thank you very much, teacher." she bowed, before moving over.

She immediately turned towards Kagami.

"So, what're you here for?" she asked, as if they were in jail or something.

"Umm..."

Too late. As usual for anime high-schoolers, they would flank the new student from all sides and pepper her with privacy-busting questions.

For the love of Buddha, she's turning into Konata.

"Where are you from?"

"Why do you look so cute?"

"Are you an exchange student?"

"How rich are you?"

"Wow, your Japanese is so good..."

"What do you think of this school? Pretty funky, huh?"

Kagami could hear all the questions being fired at her at a machine-gun-like rate. She almost felt sorry for her.

"Well, I'm from Britain, and an exchange student, of course (what are you, deaf?). I'm cute because I have pink hair and you don't, so _there_. I would say I'm rich, but that would be boasting. I'm only mildly wealthy. And can you _please __**stop**__ with your __**all foreigners are bad at English**__ bullcrap already! _And this school is a health hazard, being made of glass and all."

Satisfied, the class slowly returned to their seats.

Kagami could hear a *thump* as Charlotte's head met her desk.

"Great, compared to spending an eternity of being trapped in a gigantic, gilded cage, this is just barely a lesser evil..." the pinkette thought.

To Charlotte, the urge to just turn into a giant worm monster and bite all off their heads off was strong.

_Very_ strong.

"Fight the urge, fight the urge, FIGHT IT!" she groaned to herself, repeatedly slamming her face into the table.

It should be easy. After all, Sec-san did so too, and he's a Dalek...

Kagami felt her twin sister tap her shoulder from behind.

"Hey sis, don't you think she's a tad bit... strange?"

"Well, I guess referring to your new classmates as 'fellow students' is on an entirely different level than randomly spacing out and finding random foodstuffs fascinating."

"Hey, don't think I didn't hear that!" the transfer student said.

The lesson proceded as per normal, although Charlotte displayed a surprising aptitude for mathematics.

Then, before long, the school day ended.

"Hey, Candy-san!"

"Oh, It's... Do I know you? You look familiar, somehow..."

"That's because she's my twin!" Kagami said, running to catch up with the two.

"Oh, so your twins, eh? Non-identical twins, _that's_ a rarity..." said Charlotte. Tsukasa wan't sure if tht was sarcasm or something else.

"Candy-san, you asked my sister something about _what was she in for_. What did you mean by that?" Tsukasa asked.

"Well, there had to be a reason why you're miles away from from your home. Either you just moved, or you're lost."

"Just moved."

"_Damn_, and to think I was about to trip a romance flag, guiding an innocent girl and her sister back to home safely. My dreams are _crushed_." the pinkette said, making a mock melodramatic pose.

"Yeah, yeah, Miss Romeo..."

"Umm, _Kagami-sis_..." Tsukasa whispered.

"What!" Kagami replied, surprised by the urgency in her voice.

"I feel... something _off_ about her. I can _feel_ it..."

"?"

"Just trust me... wait, I have an idea."

She neared Charlotte. "Hey, Candy-san?"

"Hmm?" she said, as she started sucking on a lollipop.

"Can we go over to your house today?"

"Well... alright, but be warned that you may be a tee bit unnerved if you look at things too closely."

"No worries, I know _nothing_ will try to devour us there, I _believe in you_!" Tsukasa said, holding on to Charlotte's arm with a fire in her eyes.

Pulling out her lolly, she laughed. "What is this, a shonen manga! Ah well, if you girls are so _insistent_..."

* * *

><p>*knock* *knock*<p>

The creak of a door was heard as a certain blue-haired hero peeked through the crack.

"Umm, hello. Is Tsukasa here?"

"Oh, she just called, her and her sister just went over to a new classmate's house. By the way, sorry for that bitchslap mom gave you. She was just _really_ worried."

"Hehe, no worries..."

* * *

><p>The Rooftop of the Mitakihara Middle School building.<p>

Suddenly, there was an explosion of air, and a point of shining light.

Stepping out, Homura and her aides, Kario Rulushe and Athena Attica.

"Whew, good thing we didn't jump into a crowd of muggles..." Kario said, scratching the back of her pink-haired head. "I don't like erasing people's memories."

"What are you implying? My teleportation skills are _excellent_!" the concrete-haired Athena snapped.

"Alright, calm down, both of you." Homura firmly said.

"Ok, so we might've gone a little overboard with preperation and calculation, costing us a few days- "

"Yeah! If it wasn't for you and your stupid worry-wartness-!" Kario said.

One look from her raven-haired superior quickly shut her up.

"...Nevertheless, I have pinpointed the escapees Sayaka Miki and Kyoko Sakura. Escapee Charlotte Candy, long thought to be a lost cause, was also detected near the area." Athena continued.

"Ah, so Ms. Candy's here, is she? She was always so troublesome, even as a Magical Girl..." Homura remarked.

"I'm sorry, what did you say, commander?" Karo asked.

"...Nothing"

* * *

><p>The three girls rode the elevator to Charlotte's apartment. From the outside, it looked so small it would seem the unit would have trouble housing more than a single person.<p>

Then they entered, and jaws dropped.

The apartment on the inside was the size of an airport terminal. The walls were pained a creamy yellow, the walls lined with all manner of lollipops, candy canes, and other assorted sweets.

It was like they were in diabetes wonderland.

"I _knew_ it! You're a _Time Lord_, aren't you! And this is your TARDIS! Admit it!"

"Haha, no. This is actually a pocket dimension, bending the curvature of space and time to make it biggher on the inside. Brought with sweet old family money!" she boasted.

Of course, that was a lie, but she didn't realise they weren't buying it.

They sat around a small table, which seems almost cartoonishly tiny compared to the rest of the house, which might as well be a brightly coloured warehouse.

"Say, Charlotte-san, can I call you Charlotte-san? I feel like there's more to you than what meets the eye..."

"Excuse me, what? Are you implying that I'm a transforming robot or something!"

"_No!_ I mean, as in, well, from you referring to our class as _fellow humans_ to claiming this apartment is all made possible from technology, when it should clearly be impossible, I'm thinking you're hiding something, Charlotte-san..."

"By Hersheys, I didn't expect this level of insight from some ordinary high school student. Normally, cute girls like you are supposed to look good and act stupid. It makes girls like you more desirable, or so says the backwards hicks known as the Ja-."

"Hey, shut up, will you! Not all Japanese are like that (It's mostly confined to those creepy otaku freakos being forever alone)." Kagami interrupted.

"Well, okay, even if I was hiding something, why in the in the many universes would I tell someone like _you two_? The information might be dangerous, for both you _and_ me, but especially for you two, having never seen the wider world..."

She needs proof, huh? Well, here's some proof!

[ Hello, hello! This is Tsukasa speaking! ]

Charlotte scratched her head. Voices? Nah, she must be ima-

[ You're not imagining things, Charlotte-chan! I am Tsukasa, speaking to you with my mind! Courtesy of Mr. Plate-O himself, of course. ]

[ Who's Plate-O? A cereal mascot? Well, okay then, Tsukasa, you _may_ have psychic powers, but that doesn't prove _anything_! Lots of people get doused in psychic radiation _everyday_, and what do they do with their powers? They scam other people for money! Talking to the dead and all that. People like that don't deserve to see the wider world! ]

'Hmm, she's rather stubborn', thought Tsukasa.

[ Hey, I _heard_ that! ]

Muttering, Tsukasa started rummaging through her school bag.

Kagami looked back and forth between them with a confused look. "C'mon, girls, I don't wanna be left out..."

"Aha!"

Grinning, the purplette pulled out a glowing, golden orb with Ancient Greek text on it.

"Wait a minute, that _thing_ is overflowing with psychic radiation! What the _hell_ is that thing?" Charlotte asked in surprise, almost falling backwards in her chair.

"Wait a flippin' minute, that's from-"

"-Yeah! Mr. Plat-O gave me this in the event that I needed to defend myself. It empowers a psychic's powers to the point where they can be usable in combat."

"Wait a minute, since when did _you _become a psychic!" Kagami asked, bewildered.

"Psychic powers are contagious." Tsukasa cheerily replied.

"Ah, so are you convinced yet, Charlotte-san?"

"Pics or your various encounters didn't happen."

"_Mou_~ you are very stubborn Charlotte-san, but I think I'm starting to like you..."

Charlotte just blushed furiously.

"Hmm... ah! Kagami-chan, can I link our minds with Charlotte's? I'll show her the memories of all the misadventures we had with Sayaka-chan and Kyoko-chan." Tsukasa said. Charlotte's eyes widened at the mention of Kyoko and Sayaka, as if she recognised those two before. "While I do know how to do this in theory, though, this is the first time I've personally performed it myself, so it's okay if you refuse. "

"Err, sure, just make sure nobody sees the private stuff..."

"I'll _ensure _it won't neesan..." Tsukasa replied

Lightly touching both Charlotte and her sister's forehead, the purplette closed her eyes and concentrated.

As if she was looking through a file cabinet, she sifted through her and sister's combined memories, sending certain select memories to Charlotte-san's mind. Her and her sister's encounter with Nazi Zombies, the incident with the vampiric invaders, their inadvertent trip to a very different Ancient Greece, their house getting blown up by Sayaka-san...

"Hey, wait a minute, Sayaka-san did that!" Kagami asked _iredeculously_.

Charlotte's face shifted from surprise to amusement to excitement as she viewed each of the memories she was sent.

Tsukasa slowly pulled her hand from both of the girl's foreheads.

She looked at Charlotte, ass down on the ground, hyperventilating like it was nobody's business.

"Y-Y-Y_OU_!" Charlotte mumbled, pointing at both of the Hiiragi twins.

"Yes, I know. Unbelievable, isn't it?"

"No, wait. While I am a little surprised that you two girls had such encounters, the even more surprising thing is that... You two did it with _them_..." Charlotte replied.

"Who?" asked Kagami.

"Sayaka Miki and Kyouko Sakura, of course! Sayaka-chan's escape was a hot topic in Magical Girl Heaven, where nothing normally happens, it happened with Kyoko-chan's escape too, a few months later, despite the efforts of Homura-sama and her crew..." replied Charlotte.

"Wait a minute, Magical Girl Heaven? And who's Homura-sama?" Kagami asked.

"Well, you see, Magical Girls have a limited supply of magic at their disposal. If they run out, they get taken to a special paradise for these Magical Girls located in another dimension. Homura-sama is just one of Madoka-sama's closest confidants. She's her right-hand woman, basically."

"And could you tell us who's Madoka-sama?"

"Oh, her. She's the goddess of the Puella Magi, watching over the entirety of heaven with her army of advisors and confidants." Charlotte replied.

"Wait, Magical Girls have a _god_!" Kagami interjected.

"Well, a god_dess_, but yeah, we have one. Though it's not like we worship her or anything. We're more like... _friends_ to her." Charlotte replied.

"Oh."

"But I dunno, I don't like her much. A little too uppity for her own good, methinks." Charlotte mused.

"So, did you come back on Earth for an extended visit or something, you know, with you enrolling into our school or something..." Kagami asked.

"No." Charlotte aid, putting her hands on the table, as if she were a prisoner. "I escaped..."

"Escaped?"

"Damn, don't go all Solid Snake on me just yet, miss, but yes. If you really want to know, well..."

**It'sss Flashback Time!**

"Hey Charlotte! Wanna play cards?" a certain aqua-haired girl offered.

"No thanks, Kirsten-chan, I think I had my fill of games today..." the pinkette said, weakly smiling. She stood at a balcony, watching the immeasurable sea of dimensions pass her by.

She looked at the view before her. Really, once you've gotten over your wonder in this place, your mind begins to wander...

"Hey, doesn't that cluster of light look a lot like candy?"

"A piece of _wrapped _candy, that is..."

"...Hey look, is that... _cheesecake_!"

"A super-nebula _shaped_ like a cheesecake, yes."

Charlotte started to drool.

"Hey, if you wanted cheesecake so badly, why don't we go downstairs?"

"No! It just isn't the same..." Charlotte muttered. "Hey! That's a Ferris Wheel, isn't it?" she shouted, pointing.

"Hmm, now that you think of it, that _does_ look like a ferris wheel..."

"I know that one, it's the London Eye! Me and my mom used to go up there, it was so awesome, having all of London before you... " Charlotte said, gesturing bombastically. "When we went to Japan, I tried to find something to match, but all I got was stupid Tokyo Disneyland..." she sighed. "But,..." she continued, "...I got to try sea-salt ice cream, it was awesome, but at the same time, _not_ awesome. It was surreal, girl! But you know what's even more surreal? Me and my mom sitting on the bench, eating ice cream while counting the cars that go by. Also, I won a lottery once. Blew it all on cheesecake, I didn't even tell anyone yet, I just bought delicious cheesecake in an instant... I don't even know why I'm telling you this..." she muttered.

"Beecause I'm your friend and you love me?" Kirsten replied, smiling.

Charlotte put her head down onto the balcony.

"You miss the earth, don't you?" Kirsten asked.

"Yeah..."

"Oh my, bored already? Do you wanna to go back?" a certain blonde big sister said from behind.

"You can!" the pink haired girl said excitedly.

"Of course you can!" said Mami Tomoe cheerily, clapsing her hands as she did so. "Well, first off, you need to find Madoka first. Then you can be reborn as a new-born girl and _start anew_ in the world! It'll be like living your life _all over again_!"

"Wait, does that mean I'll _forget __**everything**_?" the pink-haired girl worridly asked.

"Well, umm... yes, I suppose..."

Charlotte turned pale.

"AAAaah!"

"Ah, Charlotte, where are you going!"

**Flashbak PAUSE**

"Wow, you must _really_ like your memories..." Kagami remarked.

"Well, there are some memories I wish I would forget, but if I lose my memories, I won't be Charlotte anymore! Maybe I'll probably _look_ like Charlotte, but I wouldn't _be_ her. I'm sure you understand..."

Kagami scratched her head. Maybe she should read up on philosophy sometime. She has the sinking feeling that this won't be the last time the fellow strange thing of the week'll wax lyrical about stuff.

"_Anyways_, there's more..."

* * *

><p>"Sooooooo, wanna hit the arcades?" Kyoko asked.<p>

"Nah, I wanna try out _Magic_."

"You already know magic."

"The _Card game_."

"But card games are _boorrring_!" the redhead pouted.

"Correction, all _non-videogames_ are boring (to you). I bet yo-..."

"I _what_? Sayaka?"

The blunette's face slowly turned from surprise to deathly seriousness.

A certain dark-haired magical girl and her two companions walked by.

She stopped for a moment.

"Ah, if it isn't the mermaid and the scorpion." she said. Suddenly, Kyoko recognised her.

She quickly summoned her spear. "What do you want? You know we won't be going back without a fight, you know..."

The dark-haired girl closed her eyes, as if she's heard this kind of threats hundreds of times already. "Yes, yes, I know. Just as feisty as ever, I see. Unfortunately, you two are not my targets right now."

She opened her eyes and looked straight ahead.

"We'll go after the easier target first. It's much _faster_ that way."

Homura and her troupe kept walking.

"What! Oh _damn_ that Homura, always acting so _mysterious_. She thinks she's so _cool_." Kyoko sneered.

* * *

><p><strong>Flashback RESUME<strong>

The flower fields of Puella Magi Heaven.

Any normal person would have their jaws drop a hundred times over, until their jaw detaches from their head.

Charlotte, however, was too busy reading and thinking to care all about that right now.

The book she was reading was the "Great Big Book of Spatial Translocations" by some wizard named M. M. Riddle. When she had asked for books on the subject, the libarian became surprised, then suspicious. She handed her a stack of books on the subject easily enough, but her glare followed the pinkette all the way until she exited.

It was more than a little bit creepy, actually.

She kept on flipping through the book. She couldn't possibly sneak past the valkyrie guards patrolling the outskirts of this dimension, much less the various gods, goddesses and youkai inhabiting this cluster of universes known as the Gensokyo dimensional cloud. Teleporting out was also not an option, as doing so would require a truckload of mana, which would surely be noticed by Madoka-sama (or anyone else here, really).

She _could _trek through the spiralling void, but it would be _insanely_ dangerous and would probably require a month's worth of therapy sessions before she could get back to her life. At least, that's what the good book says...

Charlotte sighed. There was no other way then.

She'll have to tunnel her way out.

Of course, it wasn't dirt that she was going to tunnel through. It was space and time itself.

Not a lot of people know this, but there were already a lot of Puella Magi who escaped this dimension wia slowly gathering enough energy to create a wormhole to the outside without anybody noticing. Normally, this would take years, but all the numerous escape attempts made by other magical girls have made the fabric of space and time a lot weaker here, especially in this specific area.

"Charlotte? Is that you? Please, Charlotte, don't do what I think you're about to do..." Mami pleaded, appearing over the top of a nearby hill.

Charlotte turned around. She saw Mami, with her friends, Gertude and Kirsten, and an entire battalion of Puella Magi trailing right behind them.

The pinkette threw her book down.

"And why the hell not!"

"This is your _reward_, Charlotte. All that hardship and despair... Besides, your attempt might... encourage others even more than they already do..." she quietly warned.

"Yeah, well, those excuses sound pretty weak-ass, _old hag_..." she taunted, bracing herself for a battle.

Then she spotted them. Her friends. They were mouthing... something. She peered closer.

"Run!" they mouthed. Gertude, subtly, Kirsten, not so much.

Charlotte grinned. "You know, despite all that pampering and nice girl wishy-wash you hand to me on a silver platter, there's only two people I believe in..."

"Oh? And who might that be?"

"My _friends_!"

The pinkette tossed a handful of explosive sweets into Mami's face, then made a break for it.

Looking back, she saw her friends barely fight off the horde of magical girls. They wouldn't last very long, of course, but it's the thought that counts.

Running, she gathered up the energy to open a hole in reality. She didn't care if she would be noticed, she already was.

She opened a hole.

A hole to earth.

Taking one last look behing her, she jumped in...

"And then you ended up here..." Tsukasa said.

"Hey wait, I wasn't finished yet!"

The pinkette opened her eyes. She was hundreds of miles above Earth, with outer space being clearly visible just above her.

And she was _**falling**_.

Charlotte panicked. Even if no harm would come to her by any Earthly danger, crash-landing from this height would definitely hurt a lot.

Then she heard a voice.

"Hey, you! Help me!"

That was strange, she swore it sounded exactly like her own voice...

"That's because I am you!"

Charlotte turned to look at the source of the voice. She saw a small pink being, about the as large as her head and with black dots for eyes fall alongside her.

"I'm confused. Who are you reall-"

"Enough questions! You'll understand once I reunite with you!"

Charlotte felt a pain in her neck, and immediately remembered everything. All the memories of her past iterations, both as witch and as magical girl, came flooding back to her mind...

Strangely enough, those memories included Madoka's story.

"And _then _you ended up here..." Tsukasa said.

"Yeah" the rose-haired girl replied. "It turns out that the goddess of Magical Girls, Madoka Kaname, used to be an ordinary magical girl in a long-rewritten alternate timeline, under a very different system."

"Anyway, to continue, Madoka Kaname, used to be an ordinary magical girl in her own timeline, a timeline where magical girls turn into _witches_ when overcome with enough despair, the very things that magical girls were supposed to fight in the first place.

Witches are like demons, powered by grief and despair, but aside from being former magical girls, the one thing that seperates witches from demons is that witches create pocket dimensions known as 'barriers' in which magical girls fight them in." Charlotte paused to breathe.

"So the magical girls turn into monsters. That must've be horrible." Tsukasa remarked.

"Well, anyhow, Madoka decided she didn't like any of it either, so shemade a wish to remove from existence all witches: past, present and future. This was not without it's price, however, for all the memory and presence of her in the world got erased as payment for violating the laws of casualty. Madoka ascended to godhood, but to her family, friends, classmates, everyone, she's a non-person. It was as if she never existed in the first place..." Charlotte concluded.

_A long silence..._

"Ahem, well, ermm..." Charlotte tried to ease out. "I don't blame you if all of that was too much for the both of you to handle. It's not everyday that you get your whole perception of reality gets shattered just like that..." Charlotte said.

"Nah, it's OK. We're already used to it..." Kagami remarked.

"By the way, that talking pink thing was my witch, the being I turned into once I despaired enough in previous timelines... It somehow escaped Madoka-sama's purging of witches... _somehow_... and now it merged with me, so now I'm technically a witch."

_Yet another long and awkward silence..._

"Wait a minute, you're a witch? Does that mean-"

"Yeah, you're in in my barrier. You're safe and sound, though, since I kinda like you!" the pinkette beamed. With a snap of her fingers, she morphed into a small, pinker form, looking a lot like a cartoon character.

"Ermm..."

"Oh, this is my real form. My human appearance earlier was nothing but a facade. Now then, would you like some?"

"Huh?"

"Tea, of _course_. Or were you more in the mood for cheesecake?" she offered.

* * *

><p>"The escapee's hideout is detected to be around... <em>here<em>!"

"Excellent... Kario!"

"Yes!"

Conjuring a summoning circle out of thin air, she commanded a giant serpent to charge out of it and have it smash a hole in her home.

Charlotte looked up, and immediately transformed back into her human form once she knew what was going on.

"Commander, it seems she has companions..." Athena noted.

"Noted." Homura replied, then took out her bow.

Charlotte pulled out two giant candy canes in response.

"You won't take this bird away from the sky!" she shouted.

The raven-haired girl raised an eyebrow. "Really? Well then, we have _birdcatchers_. Athena!"

"Yes master!" the grey-haired girl said, summoning cage-like bars made of magic to descend from the ceiling. Luckily, Charlotte manages to slide out in time, leaving Kagami and Tsukasa in the cage.

A volley of purple arrows flies towards her, but Charlotte dissipates them with her candy canes before they hit anything.

"How dare you... attacking a lady in the middle of preparing tea... you should be ashamed of yourselves!" the pinkette said.

"Kufufu, I think it is you that should be ashamed of yourself, Charlotte__-mekisama__. Madoka-sama knows best, after all. " the other pinkette said, a fang visible in her grin.

"What's the big deal with me just going out for a while? It's not like it'll cause hell on Earth or something like that..."

For that very moment, she thought she saw the side of Homura's mouth twitch.

"The Great Guardian Sarpent, I summon thee... _**MEHEN!**_" Kario chanted, bringing forth a giant snake the size of a building.

Good thing this was all happening in a pocket universe.

The snake hissed loud enough to break her windows, before it lunged towards her. Charlotte barely jumped out of the way, leaving the serpent to chew on a piece of the scenery.

Turning on her heel, Charlotte summoned a horde of familliars to swarm Homura and the one who summoned the cage, leaving her free to lunge out to Kario.

The pink-haired minion grinned. "Mehen!" she said.

"Huh?" Charlotte looked back, only to see that the serpent disappeared. She turned back to see a fist meet her face.

She was knocked backwards, clutching her nose. Feeling the weight of a foot on her chest, she looked up to see the three of them standing above her.

An arrow was pointed at her neck in a threatening manner.

"Oh, I don't think so, bucko..."

* * *

><p>A certain greenette walked up to the giant double-doors of the mansion specified in the adress.<p>

She sighed. If she could share her history and recent encounter with _her_, maybe she could get some answers of her own...

Taking a deep breath, she started to knock on the front door.

An iris appeared in the door's eyehole. "Yes, what is it?"

"Hello, my name is Hitom-"

*slam*

Panicking, Hitomi started to knock frantically on the door. "W-wait! Cheese curry, _cheese curry_!"

The eyehole opened again.

"Hmm? You don't _look_ like a pizza delivery person." the man on the other side said.

"With sprinkles." the green-haired woman added. Secret societies like these always had the most ridiculous passwords.

"Ah! So you're the the teen school journalist, am I right? Why didn't you say so? Come on in..."

The door opened to reveal a greying old man wearing a tuxedo and holding a towel under his arm. Probably the butler, Hitomi thinks.

Once she was inside, her jaw dropped.

"Wow, is this where they'll be holding the meeting! You can fit, I dunno, a entire battalion just in this lobby alone..." she muttered, looking up to see the sun filtering through skylights hundreds of metres above.

"Ah, no. The meeting area is actually down here..." the butler said, gesturing to an elevator popping out of the middle of the lobby.

"Oh."

* * *

><p>Charlotte looked to see the source of the voice. She couldn't believe her eyes.<p>

Standing over the fallen bodies of a surprised Kario and Homura, was a certain cyan-haired girl.

"Kirsten-chan!"

"Hey there, Charlotte-chan."

"I do believe you have forgotten all about me..." growled Athena as she prepared to bash Kirsten's head in from behind with a piece of hard candy.

*_Boom_*

The concrete-haired Puella Magi's body body flew across the room, landing against an upright candy cane and falling to the ground.

Charlotte smiled and turned to look at Tsukasa. The 'cage' was no more.

"Sorry for taking too long. The 'cage' seemed to block psychic resonances. However, it seems that a distraction weakens the strength of her constructs, so I was able to break through just in time. Plus, I just kinda spaced out in the first few seconds..." Tsukasa said.

"Well, at least nobody died. *sigh*"

"My, my. You're getting used to this, aren't you, sis?" Tsukasa cheerily noted.

"By the way, where'd you learn all that complicated mumbo-jumbo?"

"The psychic sphere also doubles as an information uploader, don't you know? They said that this'll replace textbooks in the far-flung future."

"So they say..."

* * *

><p>Hitomi stepped out of the elevator to find herself in a small, cellar-esque room, which was not what she had expected.<p>

The room was barely the size of a small bedroom, with the only furnishings being a table with chairs at the center. The entire room was unlit, with a the sole light source boing a small oil lantern at the center.

Okay, now he's just being all mysterious and atmospheric.

"Ah, it seems that our final guest has arrived. Well then, we might want to introduce themselves now. Clockwise direction, please." a girl's voice that sounds very much like Mela Lee doing her pompous blonde voice said from the other side of the room. Hitomi tried to peer through the barely lit room, but all she could see was a small figure concealed in shadow.

Slowly, a light shone upon each person seated in the room, who introduced themselves in turn.

"My name is Yamamoto Godo, security guard for the Art and History Museum of Mitakihara. Many people dismiss the so-called invasion of the Museum as a mere prank, but I was there first hand. I don't really know just how, but I somehow got turned into one of those... _things_. Luckily, I was saved by timely exposure to a green, slushy liquid, and I think I turned back to normal. All that was the doing of a girl named Sayaka and her companions. While there were many other people who were affected, I was the only one who caught even a glimpse of the mysterious girl, so I was asked to come here. The others are currently being kept in a safe hiding place to prevent them from talking about the incident to anyone else, for some reason..."

"Aye, the name's Captain Jack Derrick, treasurer for the United Assosiation of One-eyed, Vampire-hunting, Onion-loving Sailors. I was there, hosting an onion-centric exhibit, when the art in the museum suddenly _attacked_. _**Yeah**_. Luckily, a certain blue-haired girl (who's name I'd later learn to be Sayaka Miki from this fine young lady) and her friends helped the museum outta there using a _**lot**_ of onion smoothie. Heheh, I still get the skittles when thinking about it, heheh.."

"Well, my name is Hitomi Shizuki, student of Mitakihara Middle School and student journalist for the Mitakihara Middle School monthly newsletter. I believe the girl you are all looking for is actually my long thought to be deceased friend and classmate, who's full name was indeed referred to as Sayaka Miki. She disappeared around three years ago, and long believed to be dead. However, a few weeks ago, I bore witness to someone who very much looks and sounds exactly like what I had remembered Sayaka looking and sounding like accompanying three other strangers. If it really was not Sayaka, then my mind must have playing tricks on me, for nobody could reproduce a dead person's features so convincingly. I do, however, believe it really was Sayaka-chan."

"G'dday, mates, mi nayme's Jack, Jack the Ripper. Yes, _that_ Jack the Ripper. Apparently, some young lady here noticed my involvement with the handsome young blunette that punched me into an iceberg (long story). Oh, and you might've noticed my _unique_ sounding voice. Well, before anyone gets shocked and disappointed, I am actually a woman who just happens to dress like a man and hve a rather low voice. So sorry, fangirls."

Hitomi could've sworn that she heard a crowd of girls squealing "Aww" in agony, then promising to still protect the self-claimed serial killer from the 19th century forever more. Yet, nobody else seemed to care (or even notice)...

"Kragau iz here! Kragau go speak nao! Seyaku-chwan save Kragau's tribe from giant, scary metal monstrosity. Oh, it wuz veerrry scary, but brave Seyaku-chwan wus _no afraid_, and she kicked monster's _ass_ when talking no work..." a primitive looking man grunted out.

"He's a neanderthal from 60,000 BC, you see..." the Shinku impostor explained.

"Ah, I see." Hitomi replied, though she couldn't help herself laughing over a situation as ridiculous as this. "So... what about you, err..."

"Me?" the female voice said. "Ah, well my name is Shinkel, and I..."

* * *

><p>"Hey there, Vivio. So, what was that <em>very important thing<em> you wanted to talk to me about?" Rio asked while they were both changing in the locker room.

Alone.

"Well, erm, you see..." the heterochromiatic girl stuttered.

"Hmm?" her friend's cute face tilted to the side. Vivio felt like fainting right there and then.

There were plenty of rumours surrounding Vivio and her family. Some where kinda true (like her early childhood crush on Yuuno) and some were complete hogwash (like the rumours that her friendship with Einhart-san was more then _just_ a friendship...). 'Hell, we've only known each other for a few months, let us be friends first, _jeez_' thought Vivio.

Besides, there was already one other girl she had eyes on...

"Helloo~o, Earth to Vivio, _Earth_ to _Vivio~o_!" Rio said, moving her face closer to Vivio, waving her hands a few inches from the blonde's face.

"R-R-Rio-san..." Vivio stuttered, barely able to get her words out. "I...".

Rio gave her friend a questioning look. She breathed. It was now or never.

"I, I-I really, really like you, Rio-chan!" she blurted out, body-slamming a topless Rio and frenching the hell out of her. The purplette was too stunned to do anything in response.

_WrrraZhumpBrrrghK**rrr****a****BOOM!**_

"Will you be my girlfriend, please?" Vivio asked the dark-haired girl she was straddling. Rio's face was frozen in an expression of shock.

Vivio sighed.

"Look, I' sorry, I bet this was all too sudden for-"

"No, behind you, Vivio!"

The blonde looked behind her in confusion.

Behind her were four people. Two had bright purple hair and wore what appeared to be identical school uniforms of some sort. The third had blue hair, blue eyes, wore a pair of blue jeans and a blue longcoat (with a light blue undershirt). Right beside her was a redhead, wearing a dark cyan jacket and a pair of demin hotpants. They all looked disheleved, like they decided to wash themselves by putting themselves in a washing machine, what with the messy hair and all.

They also looked like they all didn't belong here.

"Umm, Rio-chan, I thought we were the only ones here... and I didn't hear any door opening..." Vivio remarked

"Hey, are you sure we're in the right place?" the purplette with longer hair said in the midst of coughing, apparently not noticing them.

"Well, the cloning facility _should _be somewhere in this world, at the very most..." the blunette replied.

"Umm, guys? I think we've been spotted..." the redhead said.

Both groups froze.

"Oh, I'm sorry, is that a bad moment?"

* * *

><p><strong>IN THE NEXT EPISODE/**

?Homura?: Here are your orders. Will you _pretty please_ carry them out?

monotone!Madoka: Yes, mother...

…

?Mid-Childan?: Who the _hell_ are you people!

Sayaka: Oh, well, this is Kyoko Sakura.

Kyoko: Greetings, _bitch_.

Sayaka: I'm Sayaka Miki-

Kyoko: -and these two are our lesbian love slaves!

Kagami and Tsukasa: _Hey_!

...

Random Rude Classmate: Hi there, Poorfag

Kasuka: _**MY NAME'S NOT POORFAG! **_It's _Kasuka Boru!_

Random Rude Classmate: Ok, whatever, Poorfag-chan...

Kasuka: I _**always**_ get _no respect_!

* * *

><p><strong>Let's say this won't be <strong>_**just **_**a Lucky Star/Madoka Magica crossover...**

**I've been reading a lot of fanfic recently and I kinda feel outclassed. NO worries, though! I won't give up on this story _that_ easily!**

**Also, please review if you see any flaws! I don't want to go around thinking my work is decent when it's actually a trainwreck made of crap.**


	6. Two Worlds, Strange Imposters?

**For the record, I don't have a beta. Do any of you readers think I need one?**

* * *

><p>If you'd have stumbled unto her secret base by accident, you're first thought would've probably been that it was some kind of fancy looking research outpost or military base just by looking at it. You probably wouldn't have thought that it was a secret base for some evil overlord.<p>

Lord Homura Akemi of the 1670th dimensional cluster, known mostly by the name Lord Homu, walked through the shiny, well-maintained halls of her 'palace'. Okay, it wasn't, really, but she liked to think it was.

She was about to retire for the night in her personal chambers, but decided to walk up to one of the many pink-haired clones she had rescued and used as her personal army and grab her rather ample backside.

The unwitting pinkette blushed violently and whirled around to launch the offender into the stars, only to look into her master's eyes.

"Oh, Lord Ho-me, I..." the pinkette froze.

"You were flustered, weren't you? You were flustered and you wanted to blow up the pervert who dared touch your pretty backside, didn't you, Madoxa..." the black-haired conqueror teased, encircling the pinkette in the process.

"Well, I was, but... if it's you, it's okay." the pinkette said, her face turning deep red like a baked tomato.

* * *

><p>It was a bright, beautiful, peaceful day in Mid-Childa...<p>

Unfortunately, the peace didn't stay too long.

"_**Aaaaaaaaaaaah**!"_

"_**Gyaaaaaaaaaaaah**!"_

_*ratatatatatatatattatata*_

"I'm sorry, I'm _sorry_!"

"_**Aaaaaaaaaaaah**!"_

The pink-haired heterochromiatic girl had the most serene face you could think of, neither happy nor quite sad. The disturbing thing was that she did it all while spraying a gatling gun around in a public area. One handed. While apologising profusely.

Luckily, mages were on the scene.

Magical barriers were set all around the park, with a certain dragon knight and dragon summoner currently engaging with the culprit.

The enemy was a pink-haired girl with heterochromia, just like the young Sankt Kaiser, wearing a pink bodysuit with black highlights and what appeared to be a utility belt around her waist. She also wore some sort of pink visor.

The barrels of her gatling gun spun, preparing itself for another barrage of bullets. Sure, a few measly bullets won't hurt even the lowliest of mages, but then again, this isn't _just_ a lowly gatling gun she's holding.

A storm of lead exited from the gun, spinning so fast that the multiple barrels blended together into a whirring blur. The bullets exploded upon collision with Erio's barrier jacket, knocking him way back into the trees, if not actually hurting him.

"Erio!"

"I'm fine..." said the red-haired lancer, emerging from a cluster of destroyed trees.

"Strada, barrier jacket integrity."

"**30%, Meister.**"

"What!" he exclaimed.

This wasn't normal. Mass-based weaponary shouldn't be able to cause magical barriers _this_ much damage. Lost Logia, maybe?

"Fried!" Caro exclaimed.

The gun-wielding girl barely dodged the raging torrent of fire coming from the snow-white dragon. A few trees were set ablaze.

She lifted her metal instrument of death to block a blow by Erio. "Please stop. Run away while you can."

The barrels spun, creating sparks as it clashed with Erio's device.

The girl stepped back and lowered her gun. "Ah, greetings, my sisters." she said, in a voice that sounded unusually relieved.

Erio looked behind him.

He spotted more girls wearing the same pink jumpsuit (and even had the same face) as their current enemy. They were closing in quick.

"What! Aww for the love of-"

* * *

><p>"Oh, I'm sorry, is that a bad moment?"<p>

"Geh? Who are you people!" Rio blurted out.

"Oh, well, I'm Sayaka Miki, Hero of Justice." the girl in blue said, gesturring to herself.

"This is Kyoko Sakura..."

"Hey there!" the redhead greeted.

"...and these two are our muggle companions, the Hiiragi twins. Kagami Hiiragi and Tsukasa Hiiragi." the blunette said.

"Very nice to meet you." the girl named Tsukasa bowed.

"Hey! My sister has psychic powers, remember!" Kagami argued with Sayaka-chan, seemingly ignoring the two ten-year olds, though she did greet them curtly later.

"Yeah, well, you're still normal!" Sayaka said, ruffling the purple-haired tsundere's hair. "But don't worry, you're cute like that."

Kagami looked like she was about to explode in a shower of confetti. "Geez, are _all_ blunettes this annoying!" she exclaimed.

"Don't mind them, it's a very common way of expressing friendship." Kyoko casually said, leaning against a wall while putting a pocky stick in her mouth.

It took her a few seconds for Vivio to realise that she was still straddling her friend.

"Ah, I'm sorry for my friend's demand for identification, this _is_ the women's changing room, after all. She had no right to demand such things of people..." the blonde said, bowing deeply.

"Oh, it's no problem." Sayaka said with a smile, holding off a growling Kagami with one hand.

"Wow, you're a posh talker, aren't you?" a certain brash redhead added

"Well, _of course_!" Rio said, standing up. "Her mom _is_ the Ace of Aces, after all. Training is strict and grueling enough with her in charge. Imagine just _living_ with her. As her _daughter_, no less!" Rio said in mock horrified exasperation.

"Well, actually, it's not too bad, Rio-chan." Vivio reassured her.

"Ah, the Ace of Aces. Nanoha Takamachi is her name, I suppose? I read all about her, being one of the strongest mages ever to grace this multiverse and all... She's basically Mid-Childa's Superman! Ah, why didn't I think of that earlier..." the blunette absentmindedly mused

"Too bad she's nothing more than the Bureau's personal attack dog." Kyoko added.

"Hey! You got a problem with my mom!" the blonde threatened, transforming into her Adult Mode.

"Oh, are you _offended_?" the redhead asked mockingly.

"Hey _girls_, _**girls**_! This is _no time_ to be picking fights! Besides...-*_CRASH_*"

And as if fate itself was waiting for the right time to strike, their conversation was interrupted by the sound of a mage being thrown through a wall and landing in the girl's changing room.

"Uhh..." the boy groaned. Vivio helped him up. "H-Hey, Erio-chan, are you alright?"

"Umm, yeah..." he said, then quickly opened his eyes in realisation. "You girls, get away from here, _now_!" he shouted, pushing Vivio out the way of an oncoming arrow, hitting him square in the shoulder. The red-haired dragon knight looked over at his shoulder while trying to stand up. 'Blood, now that's something I haven't seen in a while...' he mused. He staggered forward in pain, clutching unto his device tightly.

The culprit appeared through the hole in the wall. Sayaka and Kyoko widened their eyes in shock.

She looked exactly like Madoka.

The only difference was that this girl had longer, untied hair. She wielded what appeared to be a pink energy bow. She also had a far practical outfit than what the goddess wears, with a pink bodysuit, pink tunic and a pink cape and hoodie with a pink feather on top, making her look like a pink Ezio or a pink Robin Hood.

Okay, so it was still all pink, but still.

Oh, and her right eye was blood red, while her left eye had no iris at all, just a completely white eyeball. Strange.

She fired yet another arrow, which Erio barely dodged. The arrow hit the door at the far end and blew it off it's hinges.

Assessing the situation, Sayaka quickly took action. "Hey, Kyoko, you won't mind fighting _her_, won't you?"

"Of course not, I'll turn her into tomato sauce!" the redhead said, pounding her fists into her palms.

"Then I'll be taking these too now, keep yourself alive, m'kay?" the blunette said, picking the two surprised children over her shoulder and made a break for it.

"H-Hey! We can fight too ya know!" Rio protested, squirming vigorously.

"Kid, I'd rather drag you two away kicking and screaming than have an accusing pink beam aimed at my head, got it?"

Jumping upwards, Kyoko slashed her spear down at the Madoka impostor's head. The pinkette blocked it with her bow.

With a sudden, bloodthirsty look, she tried to knee Kyoko in the stomach. Luckily, the redhead had the same idea. Knee meet knee as they glared each other in the face. Kyoko then collapsed.

"_**Shit**_, _what_-... oh."

Her knee was bleeding profusely. Her opponent had a blade hidden in her knee.

She looked up to see the pinkette ready the finishing blow.

"_Strada_!"

"**Luft Messer"**

The pinkette barely dodged the sharp piller of air dashing towards her. It bought the former Puella Magi a few seconds to heal her knee using magic.

"Alright, bastard, time to _put you down_!" she screamed, summoning a storm of spears that totally deciminated an entire side of the changing room, forcing the Madoka imposter outside.

"_K__onzentriert Klinge Sperrfeuer Schießen..._" she muttered, firing a barrage of sharp-edged arrows from the top of a skyscraper.

"Damn, she's fast..." the redhead said to herself as she barely dodged the cloud of arrows that deciminated the roof of the building below her. Summoning up another spear, she made it extend to a few hundred metres in length and tried to swat the pinkette off the top of the building.

The enemy ducked under the approaching pole, then grabbed it in midair and forcefully embedded it into the building's concrete. Kneeling forward, she quickly took out a vial of black liquid and poured a few drops onto the elongated spear before making a hasty retreat.

"_Hey_! Come back here you bas-_what the hell_!..."

The black liquid quickly seeped it's way into the spear Kyoko was holding, and she started to fall.

_The hell! My magic's getting drained from me somehow... If I don't do somethig soon I'll..._

Kyoko looked down. Nothing but cold, hard street. "Great, I'll _totally_ be comfortable there..."remarked the redhead, before spotting a conveniently placed row of hanged laundry hanging between buildings.

* * *

><p><em>Erio, Caro, what's your status?<em>

_I don't know, Caro seems to have been overwhelmed by what seemed to be the enemy's reinforcements..._

_I'm on my way!_

The hooded pinkette looked towards the direction of another pinkette, this one riding a dragon.

With an ever so slight grin that appeared and disappeared in a milisecond, she quickly dashed behind the dragin summoner.

"Caro, look out!" Erio said, quickly trying to rush to the scene.

"Huh? Fried!" Caro yelled. The dragon quckly turned around, only to find a pink blur. The blur strafed the two even more, until it was right behind Caro.

The hooded girl lifted Caro up in a choke lift. "You leave Caro-hime alone!" yelled Erio, charging straight at her.

Twirling around, she kicked the redhead in the stomach, causing him to fall unto a nearby roof.

"E-E-Erio..." Caro choked out.

Shoving her hand into the summoner's body though her stomach, who was too shocked to struggle, she pulled out a peculiar looking card. It glowed a golden yellow and had strange symbols floating all over it's surface.

She dropped her next to Erio, her eyes glazed over.

_Master, I have retrieved one of the last of the Soul Cards, what would you have me do now?_

_Exccellent. Return, but not without silencing anyone who could follow you._

_Understood._

Walking over to the supine dragon knight, she looked over him with cold, unfeeling eyes.

"Damn, what did you do... to Caro..." he breathed out, clearly in no shape to fight.

"Worry not. Killing people wantonly is not essential to long-term goals. May in fact even hinder it. Full recovery in possible within a few hours if given sufficient medical attention..." the girl robotically answered.

"I know what you are thinking. Her arrows can clearly slice their way through concrete and magical barriers. If used on a human body, I would surely be torn to shreads, you think..." she leaned down to him.

"I just wanted you to savour the pain, for without pain, battle is meaningless..." she said, clapsing at the air with her free hand.

Erio felt a sudden, unbearable spike of pain in his shoulder. He screamed and convulsed. Looking at his injured shoulder, he saw spikes jutting out of it. He widened his eyes in horror.

The world went very dark.

* * *

><p>It was a normal day at a certain hospital. There were some car crashes, a few annoying illnesses, but nothing <em>too<em> strange...

Then _they_ came crashing through the window.

A few people, some of whom were most likely mages, came bursting though an open window, then put who was admittedly someone with a very serious wound on his shoulder on the nearest available bed.

"You... Who the world are you people!" the nurse who witnessed this asked.

"Oh, well, this is Kyoko Sakura." Sayaka said.

"Greetings, _bitch_."

"I'm Sayaka Miki-"

"-and these two are our lesbian love slaves!" the redhead said, aving her arms towards the twin's direction.

"_Hey_!" they both shouted in unison.

"Anyways, this is our payment on his behalf for whatever crazy medical fees you charge up." the blunette said, pulling out a sack of money from her cape and putting it down on the floor with a *thud*. "If he asked who carried him here, tell him The _Hero of Justice _and her aides saved him. See ya!"

And with that, the blunette leaped out of the building. Kyoko followed close behind, with Tsukasa on her back.

"Umm, sorry for the intrusion." Vivio apologised, then she and Rio followed (In their adult forms, of course).

"Hey! You forgot me!" Kagami shouted, looking out the window.

She turned around and smiled.

"Errm, sorry for their rowdy behavior, miss, but could you please tell me the fastest way down?"

* * *

><p><em><strong>Darknesss<strong>_

Spinning, spinning...

_Shapes_...

"_Graaaaahh_..."

"W-Who's there!"

"We... Need..."

"Wh-What do you want?"

"_**MORTAALLLSSS!**_"

"Gyahh!" He leaped out of the way.

"AAAAAAAAAAHH!"

"C-CARO!"

"Erio, help mee!"

The redhead turned around, only to watch in horror as his beloved transformed into a monster.

Her arm had mutated into a grey, muscular and gigantic mass of flesh. Her legs were visibly in the process of splitting into multiple spider-esque legs.

It was not a pretty sight.

"C-Caro!"

"Erio, help, hel-p me, I-I..."

"C-Caro... I'll go get help, okay? Just try to stay there!"

"Erio, It's too late for me now... Erio, I... Oh Dear Lord, I don't wanna die! _Erio_!"

"_**Caro**__!_"

_Erio!_

_**Erio**!_

"Erio!"

A very familiar voice jolted him up from his bed.

"Oh, Erio, thank goodness you're alright..." the familiar voice said, hugging him.

Erio returned the hug.

"You were shouting and convulsing in your sleep. It was almost like you were possessed..." the pinkette explained.

He tried to sit up.

"Wait! Don't-"

He only succeded in collapsing back into bed with a pained shout, with pain throbbing from his shoulder. He looked over to see that his left shoulder was covered in a cast, up to nearly his neck.

"Those injuries you sustained were extremely serious, just lay down and think of nothing but resting yourself, is that clear?" said the reassuring voice of Shamal.

"Alright, Ma'am. Say, how long have I been out?" he asked.

"About a week." replied a certain dragon summoner.

"A we-... But the criminals, did they-"

"Other mages caught up to them, but they say they escaped to another dimension just as they were reached..." the pinkette replied.

"And I kinda remember a few strangers helping me out back there..."

"Well, at least you're still alive..." a certain blonde Enforcer said, appearing from the other of his bed and kissing him on the forehead. Erio covered his forehead in mild surprise.

"W-Wait. Is Vivio and her friend alright? The last time I saw them they were..."

Fate's expression quickly changed from a half-worried, half-relieved face to a pained expression, turning her face to the side in a most depressing manner.

"Fate-nee?"

On the other side of his bed, Shamal began to speak.

"Well, just be warned that a lot of people, Nanoha most of all, freaked out about this, but..."

* * *

><p>A certain heterochromatic blonde felt wind blowing in her face as she woke up. Judging from the surface she was laying down on, she appeared to be laying down on some grassy knoll somewhere.<p>

She tried to sit up, hoping to re-orient herself with her surroundings, only to be met with the unfamiliar skyline of Mitakihara Town.

"What... the..."

The blonde looked around. Right beside her was Rio-chan, still unconsious. Just a few paces downhill were the blue and red haired magical girls she recognised from before, with the two purple-haired girls just beside them.

"Aww crap, she woke up... Want me to use precussive maintenance?" said the red one, in a gruff manner of voice that reminded her of Vita somewhat.

"After what you did with Santa Claus a few days back? _**NO**_." said the blue one, in a softer but firmer tone of voice.

"Besides, the unwitting victim is a ten-year old girl. Methods like that will probably just cause brain damage..." said the purplette in twintails, whose voice reminded Vivio of those _mean on the outside_/_nice on the inside _characters that seemed to appear a lot in those romantic comedies where a horde of girls fall in love with the same guy for no sensible and/or discernable reason.

The blonde sensed someone stirring beside her.

"Uhh, Vivio... Wait a minute, this isn't Mid-Childa! Where are _hell_ are we!"

Somehow, even though she was in the same situation as Rio, Vivio Takamachi sighed.

* * *

><p>"Dear Lord, what in the world <em>happened<em> here?" the greenette said, covering her mouth in a valiant effort to try not to throw up.

"A slaughter. Units Bad Wolf One and Two engaged the enemy with full force, but there were only a handful of survivors left... You could probably count them on one hand." said the officer, overseeing the retreival of his men's bodies.

"Did any of you saw what _they_ looked like?"

"Oh, yeah." he replied, "They looked _real_ pink, they were. They wore nothing but pink bodysuits, and in one case, a pink hoodie. What we assumed to be their leader had enough power to level a building. There was nothing we could do."

The officer quickly noticed the greenette's horrified expression.

"Nah, nothing to worry 'bout, ma'am. We've dealt with threats like this before. Just... not of this caliber." he said, slapping the young woman's shoulder. That comment, while obviously meant to be inspiring, felt more demoralising than that.

"Hey, Captain, is she really cleared to know all this?" one of the soldiers patrolling the area asked.

"Well, the mistress said it was alright, so yeah..."

Hitomi found it a tad bit strange for someone a young as Shinkel to be adressed with such a formal title as mistress. Then again, maybe it's just her.

Looking back, she saw an elaborate tea table set up, right in the middle of a desolate clearing. It looked quite out of place, really, what with it's fancy trimmings, an ornate tea set on top and a couple of fancy chairs accompanying it. A tiny blonde was seated upon it, having a nice cup of tea.

The young Shinkel von Statem, seeing the greenette stare at her, proceded to raise her cup of tea.

"Ah, would you like some tea, my dear Hitomi-chan..." she offered, grinning wildly.

Hitomi just blinked.

* * *

><p>The schoolbell for Mitakihara Middle School rang for what seemed to be the millionth time in this school's rather unventful history (Well, if you don't count those zombie cosplayers from a while back...).<p>

A certain olive-haired girl rose out of her seat and started walking to the school's exit. Unlike many of the more well-off students in her school, she had a part-time job. At the local cafe, specifically. She had to, her mother was deathly ill and in no way any shape to work, while her dad has since passed on. The government sends her money enery month under a poverty support program, but it was only barely enough, so she had to work for a fraction of the money as well.

_Another Day, Another Dollar... I guess..._

Stepping out of the classroom, she encountered a few annoying bohemians that she would rather not encounter.

"Oh, hi there, Poorfag." one of them said.

"My name's not Poorfag..."

"Oh? What did you say, poorfag? Sorry, but your low-quality voice seems to have been bought on a bargain from a dusty pawn shop in the desert!"

"_**MY NAME'S NOT POORFAG! **__It's __Kasuka Boru!_"

"Ok, whatever, Poorfag-chan..."

_I always get no respect! _She complained to herself inwardly. She tried to complain outwardly, but it always gets her labeled as an annoying whiner for some reason.

Then again, there was some basis in their teasing and taunting, as much as she didn't want to think about it.

Walking straight back to her home on the 13th floor of some dilapidated apartment building, she tried to unlock the door, but the padlock broke off due to sheer rust. Ah well, it's not like her house had anything worthwhile to steal.

_God, my life is so miserable._

She quickly went inside and changed into her part-time work clothes. It's better being early than getting yelled at by the manager for being "fashionably late".

She went out once more and made her way towards the train station. She looked at the clock diaplayed at the station. Three hours before the night shift. Ah well, at least she might get some kind of punctuality award or something...

_Suck it up, girl, you'll never get any kind of meaningful good luck in your life. It's not like a random somebody'll take pity on you and donate to you enough money to retire for the rest of your life or anything..._

She sat idly at a bench at the train platform, waiting for the locomotive to arrive. _Damn, I wish I'd borrowed a book... ah well..._ thought the olive-haired girl.

Then she felt someone sitting next to her.

She looked to her right. Beside her was a little girl, possibly no older than twelve, who was wearing multicoloured spectacles with star-shaped frames. Despite the dated eyepiece, her outfit was even more dated, albeit in a less chessy, more gothic manner, wearing a gothic lolita outifit with an excessive amount of frills. Despite the classy aura invoked by her clothing, her hair was all over the place, like her hair had never touched a comb since the day she was born.

All in all, she looked like a loli hipster. A loli _vampire_ hipster. Who is probably either really lax with appearances, or a hobo, she wasn't sure.

"**Attention, everyone, attention...**" the train station's loudspeaker suddenly boomed. **"Train will be arriving one hour later than expected due to major complications. We apologise for any inconvenience caused by this disruption... ***_click_*"

Various people around the platform began to moan and complain loudly. Kasuka shuffled uneasily on the bench.

All of a sudden, the girl burst into laughter after this announcement.

"Ehhehe, tough luck, eh?" she said, wiping the tears from her eyes.

Kasuka just stared at her.

* * *

><p>"<em>Expelliarmus<em>_!_"

The dealer's device was quickly wrought from him with a spell. Facing him was a young man in his early twenties, with black, slightly tussled hair and a pair of round spectacles, who wore the distinctive uniform of an Enforcer.

"Harry Potter, Enforcer for the Time-Space Administration Bureau. Surrender now, and your sentence _might_ be reduced by a few years for good behavior." he said firmly, pointing his wand at him.

The Lost Logia dealer simply grinned maniacally.

* * *

><p><strong>IN THE NEXT EPISODE!/**

?: Well then, welcome to Mitakihara Town!

…

Madoka!lookalike: Commander, cross-dimensional interference detected.

Lord Homu: Understood. Prepare the GHOSTs.

…

Kasuka: Who are you, anyway?

Blonde girl: Tehehe, do you _really_ want to know?

Kasuka: Yeah...

Blonde girl: Well, you'll have to be resistant to tortured metaphors of cats getting murdered in boxes, then.

…

Floating Green Wand: Designation, **Green Lantern Heart**. Mission, to retrieve all **51 Soul Cards** scattered around the **Space-Time Continuum**. I request of you to aid me in my quest, as you are the **nearest one** and **only one** in the surrounding few hundred kilometres with the correct attributes to correctly use me...

Konata: Whoah...

* * *

><p><strong>EpicFightingTroper: *stretches*, well that was a job well done, wasn't it, girls?<strong>

**Tsukasa: Well, you could've added more of Lucky Star than get this fic invaded by a totally different franchise...**

**EpicFightingTroper: Oh, you jest. Don't worry, there'll more Lucky Star love in the next episode, _I'LL ENSURE IT!_*random backround explosion***


	7. HSQ Overwhelming!

**I apologise for the agonisingly long wait, everyone. Seriously, this was completed way later than any sane person would reasonably wait (or am I just talking about me? Heh).**

**BE WARNED: This chapter portrays elements of Christianity in a not-so-flattering light. So if you are ANY KIND of DEVOUT CHRISTIAN (And maybe Islam, or Judaism, too.) then you _may_ want to avert your eyes from this script, lest you go crazy and start calling Fanfiction Satanic. GOOD DAY.**

* * *

><p>*Knock* *Knock*<p>

"Yes?"

Charlotte opened the door. This was strange, she rarely got any visitors. Either this was Tsukasa visiting and probably bringing her '_special friends_' she talked about a few days earlier, or...

Nope. Charlotte gasped. Just outside her home, were two girls she recognised immediately. A pink-haired girl like her wearing long, pink robes, and a grey haired girl with a matching pair of grey shorts and a grey tunic. She remembered them because they had tried to not!kill her and drag her back to white bread pastoral suburbian hell. Along with Homusexual-ra. Who was oddly not _accompanying_ them.

She quickly transformed into her magical girl form and threatened them both with deadly candy cane stab wounds.

"Whoah, _whoah_, _**whoah**_, wait a sec, little girl!" exclaimed Karo, holding out her hands in front of her.

"Mou, Charlotte-chan, what's going on?" Kirsten groggily said, stepping out of their bedroom to see what was all the ruckus all about.

"Eh!"

Just a few seconds later, _another_ little girl also threatened to inflict great overwhelming violence on the two of them.

"Hey, chill, okay! We're not here to drag you two back up there again. Hell, I'm not even sure we _can_..." Karo assured them, putting her arms up in the air in a gesture of surrender.

"Karo is right. We still wish to complete our mission, regardless of circumstances. However, as of right now, we need your help and _especially_ the help of your 'special friends', Charlotte-san..." Athena, the other girl, said, bowing deeply.

Kirsten looked over Charlotte's shoulder. "Hm? Where's Homura-dono?" ahe asked.

Karo looked down. "Well, you see, that's the problem."

Charlotte and friend looked at one other in confusion.

* * *

><p>"Whoah, <em>whoah, <em><strong>whoah<strong>, wait a sec, little girl!"__

"We're not just a bunch of little girls, you know? If you don't let us go right now, I'll take you out, and leave your crippled body for Nanoha-mama!" threatened the blonde Strike Arts practitioner, pinning the blunette down and putting a hand at her throat. Granted, they were little girls waking up in a _very_ unfamiliar location, but she wouldn't have expected this much of a violent reation when she woke up.

Then again, they _are_ little girls who know Magical Kung-Fu. Or something like that.

Maybe she should've taken up on Kyoko's offer to use 'percussive maintenance' on them...

"She's right! Take us back to Mid-Childa, if you know what's good for you!" shouted the other Strike Arts practitioner, a purplette who had her hands and legs barely held off by Kyoko, having noticed their unusually aggressive movements beforehand.

"Look, it was all an accident, I'm sure we can all talk it out later..." Sayaka reassured them, holding out her hands in a gesture of goodwill.

"An... accident?"

* * *

><p><strong>3 YEARS PRIOR/**

"Ah... Ahh... W-Wh-Who are you? Some kind of _witch_ or _**demon**_!" the man said, pressing himself against the wall. He wore rags more befitting of a peasant than any commoner today.

"You can call us that." said the hooded pinkette, standing over the man's seated body. Her red right eye stared him down. She wore an eyepatch over her iris-less left eye. No need to freak out the locals and draw unnecessary attention to themselves.

They had intended to sneak in the middle of the night and make contact without any outside interference. Too bad a certain carpenter decided to come down for a midnight snack. Still, it was _definitely_ not an option to kill him off, not if they wanted to endear themselves to their target.

"Mazoka, the boy is here..." said her sister, Madel, beckoning near a doorway into someone's bedroom.

"N-No! Leave our son alone, you spawn of the devil!" he screamed, picking up a vase and throwing it at the hooded pinkette. She knocked it to the side, causing the vase to smash into a wall.

Suddenly, they all heard footsteps coming from above.

"_Goddammit_ sis, you couldn't just stay stealthy for _two seconds_, could you?" admonished Madel.

"...Nevermind, let's just go for plan B. Seal the door, let nobody in." Mazoka said, walking quietly into the target's room along with her sister and shutting the door tight.

"Joseph, what was that ruckus?" mother Mary called, going dowstairs to check the apparent ruckus downstairs.

"Thieves, Mary, _thieves_ from the maw of the Beast! And they're here to steal _Jesus_!"

It didn't take very much to wake the little boy from his slumber. All it took was a loud *_crash_* and his eyes snapped open.

_It was probably nothing_, he thought to himself. Of course, movement at the corner of his eye told him otherwise.

In his room were what he perceived to be two pink-haired girls, who both seem to be around their early teens or so, in rather unusual clothing, walking towards his bed.

"Do not be afraid, young one..." one of them, a girl with a pink hoodie, said.

"Yea, you don't have to freak out, we're harmless!" the other one said, earning her a malicious stare from what he assumed to be her sister, since both girls looked exactly alike.

The hooded one then looked back at him. He shuddered. He had faced dragons, the possesed and angry one-eyed fundamentalists, but these girls were entirely different. Demons, maybe? But they looked and acted nothing like the demons. Are they angels, come here to test his worthiness, perhaps?

"Do you know why we are here?" the hooded pinkette asked, unveiling her hood to reveal one red right eye. She wore an eyepatch over her left eye.

"No, I do not. I, however, know that you are not merely simple guests, nor are you possibly assasins sent by a mad king, who has come to take my life at this most ungodly hour..." he said, with a tone befitting a prophesied king. He sat up.

"Good. What's your name then, little boy?" In truth, she already knew this special boy's name. Everyone with at least a decent knowledge of Christianity did. She just asked so that he might trust her more. To make them seem less strange, is what her fellow comrade in R&D, Madoktrine told her.

"I am known by the name Jesus of Nazareth. My mother and father call me Jesus." he said.

She grinned. Not a very wide grin, but a grin nonetheless. "Jesus, was it? Come with us, Jesus of Nazareth, self proclaimed messiah and son of god, for we have much greater things in store for you..." said Mazoka, her smile tempting.

She sat down on a wooden stool right next to the bed.

"Beseech, evil spirits! Tools of the wretched beast! Your temptations are but naught before me!" he said, emanating godly authority within his mortal frame. Mazoka sighed inwardly. Why didn't they take him away earlier on when he was younger and more gullible. It was to '_strike when the iron was hot_' or some other bullcrap explanation like that. She decided to stop with the pleasantries. It made them look like bad guys, anyway.

"Shut your trap."

Jesus blinked.

Madel grinned and leaned against the wall, eager to watch this so-called 'messiah' get his entire worldview shattered beyond repair, in every way possible.

"We aren't like the millions of Bronze Age hyper-religious morons you pass by everyday..." Mazoka said, standing up and glaring down at him. "Do you know what you're so called God really is?" she asked.

"Yes, I do. He is the Hope and the Light. He is all that is. He is the creator of the world, of you and me. Abandon your pagan ways and follow him, for it is only through him that you may find salvation..." he said, with a tone of voice that one could interpret as either kingly and worthy of respect, or obnoxiously self-righteous.

The pink-haired girl folded her arms, as if she was expecting this kind of answer.

"My, my, you're quite the articulate one, aren't you? Does it come with being the son of god, or is every child in this time period a little linguist?" she asked, her voice vaguely amused but almost certainly mocking.

Jesus raised an eyebrow.

"Now that you've done with your p_roletyzing, _let me tell you the truth. Your _god_ is a sentient mass of magical conscioussness, who created your universe for it's own sick amusement." she said.

He slowly took this in for a few seconds.

"Magic? U-ni-verse? Are you implying you are gods yourselves, or demons from the Underworld itself?"

The girl leaning on the wall on the far side of the room, Madel, who had, up until this point, been doing nothing but watch him with a smirk on her face, slapped her head, as if his answer was the stupidest answer in the world. So stupid that she would find it unnecessarily complimentary to even laugh at it.

"You foolish Bronze Age charlartans..." she sighed.

Looking at her sister with an indecipherable expression, Mazoka made a wave of her hand, causing a screen (or was it a window?) to appear in midair. It showed many scenes and images, most of which struck the boy lost for words.

"Your world, the world that your almighty god created, is not the only world, nor is all of it under your god's jurisdiction."

"But surely, the Almighty created everything, just as it says in the writings of Moses, is it not? That he commanded order out of a spiralling void by his heavenly command! If there are indeed other worlds out there, surely they must have been created by the Lord himself!"

Upon hearing this, Mabel burst into giggles.

"It is _amazing_, how far the delusions of mankind can go..." she snickered.

"Ah, so you say your god willed everything into existence, is that right?" Mazoka continued.

"Yes" he said.

"God, huh... Major magical entity 7679, power class 6-7, threat level to other universes, nearly nonexistent. Lots of people have dealt with beings like him before." Mazoka deadpanned.

"Are you implying, that my father is merely nothing? That we are _insignificant_ in the larger picture?"

"It's only your god that's insignificant, having shown that he deserves no respect at all by treating the entirety of his creation like crap on a cream sandwich. Killing the firstborn of every family in Egypt; flooding the entire world, babies and children included, on the nonsensical basis that _all_ of them were sinning, no matter how much they did; tearing forty two children to pieces by _bears _for simple childish but harmless mockery of his prophet; all that good stuff..."

His eyes narrowed. Clearly, he was not going down without a fight.

"Whatever plane of existence you came from, you cannot make me stray from my duty! This world needs to be saved, and I am it's saviour!" he proudly declared.

"And how will you save it! By being pointlessly killed, nearly naked, on some execution device! Gawked at along with thieves and beggars. Tis such a shameful death to be had for someone with as much potential as you..." Mazoka countered. "If you go with us, you need not suffer, anymore, under the whims of an invisible, intolerant tyrant. And if you defend yourself staying here by saying that whatever your god has in store, he'll be all just, well, go over all of the horrific and selfish deeds I just mentioned earlier, and think again whether your god is truly as perfect as you hold him up to be."

The young messiah blinked even more. For the first time in his life, he had no idea what to do.

"But... What of my parents? And everybody else? If I do not pay the price of humanity's sins myself, he will surely cast all of them into a lake of boiling fire..."

"Well, I could dispute the existence of this lake of boiling fire, but you have a point. Humanity might be f&%! if god decides to throw a temper tantrum on them..."

She pondered this dilemma for a few moments, before opening up a communications link to home base.

_Master, are you there?_

_Yes, I_ _think I already know what you want me to do. Separation?_

_Yes, Ma'am, thank you, Ma'am._

_No problem, I was kind of expecting this anyway. Activating procedure 6786, you ready, girls?_

_Yes, Ma'am..._

A massive amount of magical energy could be felt all around, even by non-magic users. The pinkettes and their leader glowed with energy as they started the ritual.

A thunderstorm was brewing. Jesus could hear it. It was getting closer. _Much_ closer.

_Baal, Lesternorse, Malachai, Thorim..._

The thunderstorm grew louder. It became deafening.

_Geralt, Michioku, Baletti, Morgarour..._

_The code has passed! The divine shall yield!_

The wind grew _louder_, and _**louder**_. Cracks began to appear on the walls.

_With utmost respect, dear masters,_

_We shall break the bonds of our servitude!_

With a mighty roar, the roof of the house broke away and was sucked upwards by an unusually strong vortex of wind.

Jesus was almost blown from his house too, but Mazoka caught him by the wrist as he ascended. She pulled him in and hugged him close.

Jesus looked around in horror as the divine wind tore his entire hometown to pieces.

"Oi, is this how you react to us ruining your _divine plans_? Throwing a temper tantrum and ruining _everything else_?" Madel snarked to the storm above.

A great roar, like that of an ancient beast, was heard across the land.

"Wait, why aren't we affected?" he asked.

Mazoka simply looked straight at him and said: "Magic".

Then, she felt the crazed roar of a crowd, and a hand clutching at her back.

Joseph, Mary, and an entire mob of villagers barged into Jesus' room. The magical lock on the door had dissipated.

Leading the mob forward, pitchfork in hand, Joseph tried to grab at the intruders, who were glowing brightly, for some reason.

Then, everything turned white.

* * *

><p>"Ehhehe, tough luck, eh?" she said, wiping the tears from her eyes.<p>

Kasuka just stared at her.

"What? Oh, I get it, public displays of emotion are disturbing to East Asians, am I wrong?" asked the little girl.

"Errm..."

This girl was quite obviously a foreigner. If her blonde hair and pale skin didn't make it obvious, then her loud and boisterous demeanor and the way she carried herself certainly did.

"Well, yeah... It's not like we want everyone to be emotionless machines. But laughing out loud like that might disturd other people. Us Japanese are sensitive like that."

"Oh, I see."

_Silence_...

"So, who are you anyway?" she asked.

"M-Me?"

"Yes, you."

"W-Wh-Why do you ask?"

"Why? Listen, I'm the Head Librarian of a school library not very far away from here (relatively speaking), and I'm running short of help. And by that sorry aura you seem to project all the time and that cheesy and pitiful burger fool outfit you're wearing around on you, you must be positively ecstatic that I am offering you Library Internship right about now!" she rambled on.

"B-B-Burger fool!" Kasuka squeaked out, pulling her work cap over her head in vague, but palatable embarrassment.

"What? 'Burger Fool' means the unfortunate teenage chaps that ets tortured socially by fast-food management, usually in the form of ridiculous outfits and even more ridiculous hats, according to TvTropes, that is."

The olive-haired girl only pulled down her hat further.

The smaller girl's face was blank for a few seconds before eventually settling into a guilty expression.

"Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult you, I'm just cranky, that's all..." she said, trying to sooth the poor olive-haired girl.

"Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't I take you to my library? It won't take long, I promise..."

"Huh? But what about the train!"

"Forget the train, I have a much more efficient way of getting around." she said, pulling the older girl along.

"Huh? But if that's true, why were you waiting for a train like me?"

"Oh no, silly, I still use the train." she said, stopping at the other side of the train platform. Here, a huge, steampunkish train, the likes of which Kasuka had never seen. What made the scene even more surreal, though, was that none of the other people on the train platform seemed to notice it, like it was invisible to all but them.

The doors of the strange train opened to accommodate the new passengers.

"Umm, I'm sorry, miss, but I really need to be going..."

The little girl only pulled her closer. "It's Rashu." she said. "Don't worry, it's only tryouts. If you really don't want to, I can just drop you back into your normal, boring, miserable life, with a normal boring, miserable school life and a normal boring, miserable part-time job"

She considered this for a few moments.

"What's the pay?"

"Hmm, depends, based on how good you are on the job, but even the most incompetent of part-time assistants has a monthly salary high enough to buy off the entirety of Africa, warts and all."

"And how about the schedule?"

"Oh, part-time, same hours as your previous job. Though since the library exists in concert with, but not totally conncted to, Earth's timeline, I can bend time a bit to let you spend more time with family while still working regular hours."

_Even more silence_...

"Hey _swamp scalp_, this train's got a _schedule_, ya know!" yelled what Kasuka guessed to be the train's conductor.

"I'm in." she said, stepping into the train, with Rashu tottering after her. "Hey, can someone give me a laptop with internet access? I need to type my resignation e-mail."

* * *

><p>Tea was poured as sunlight filtered through the windows.<p>

"So, what you're saying, is that while you teleported back to your home universe, you _accidentally_ brought you with us?" Rio said, with a somewhat bewildered and/or confused look on her face.

"Yeah, well, if a certain _food dumpster_ had kept her _mouth shut_..." Sayaka said, glaring at Kyoko. "You two wouldn't be in this mess..." she said, sighing.

"Hey, _sorry_, I couldn't help it, okay? It was _space cheetos_, you know how I am with those kinds of things..." her redheaded partner retorted, picking up a bunch of sweet cakes and shoving them into her mouth.

"Well, if that's the case, it shouldn't be much of a problem. My mamas will probably come looking for me in no time at all! The only problem is probably convincing them to not Starlight Breaker you once the time comes..." Vivio said, her finger on her chin.

Sayaka put down her cup of tea. "I don't think it's that _simple_, miss..."

"Huh?"

"You know how it takes much longer for you to go to another world in a dimensional ship compared with you just walking to school?" the blunette said.

"Yeah... walking to my school only takes half an hour at the very, very most, but it mostly takes only a few minutes to walk to school. Going to another world, like the one Lu-chan lives in, takes _forever..._" Vivio said, waving her hands in the air as if waiting a few hours was an affront to her very existence.

"But wait..." Rio interrupted, standing up. "walking to school isn't like hopping to other worlds! It's the TSAB, goddammit! Their dimensional ships can go anywhe-..."

She looked at Sayaka's outstretched hand, her palm facing forward. The purple-haired mage recognised it as the nearly universal hand gesture for '_Please stop, the inferior knowledge you're spouting off is only embarrassing yourself more than making you look smart_'.

"And that's where you're wrong, my lovely hotblooded kung-fu wizard..."

* * *

><p>The fabric of time and space was warped as multiple magical pinkettes, and one little boy, teleported into the throne room.<p>

The boy looked around him in wonder. "What a magnificent palace this is! What is the name of the king of reigns over here?" he wondered aloud, running around the room like an excitable bunny rabbit.

"A _king_ of a domain which surpasses all others in size..." said a regal-sounding female voice from a corner of the room.

Little Jesus looked at where the voice was coming from, to see a young woman, probably in her very late teens/early twenties, walking towards him. She was black-haired and wore an extravagant black long dress, with a matching black tiara with a lone purple gemstone in it's center. All in all, she _**appeared **_to be a harsh, but fair and kind queen.

She clasped her hands together.

"Ah, so _very_ nice to see you. _Jesus_, was it?" she smiled.

* * *

><p>Back in the city of Kaskabe, a certain blue-haired otaku was <em>bored<em>...

This wasn't any ordinary otaku, though. She was an unusually short middle-schooler who could achieve the same results of studying for a test in less than a day that other students would need an entire holiday for. She also showed interest in the most peculiar of media (for a teenage girl, at least). Visual Novels, Giant Robot shows, Action movies, all that jazz...

For the meantime, though, she was in a Magical Girl nut phase. She had just finished watching a mahou shoujo anime where a pink-haired girl is offered a promising career as a magical girl working for some inter-galactic Bureau by a white weasel thing, but a combination of her own insecurities and the meddling of a certain raven-haired girl with time hax abilities extends the angst to fill a glorious twelve episodes! Oh, and one of her blue-haired buddies gets turned into a mermaid-knight-alien thing, and the red-haired one simply freaks the f\%(! out. It's a good thing, then, that the white weasel turns out to be a white devil, and she befriends them all by sheer firepower powered by the power of friendship. It was awesome, but Konata was finished with it, though, and having no other show she could think to watch left, she was left with very little to do except stare outside her window.

Heh, the night sky's not too bad. I think I understand the appeal of stargazing a bit more now. Still, she preferred reading manga...

Oh look, a green star...

Wait a minute, stars aren't supposed to be _green_...

And this one's getting brighter and bright-

"Oof!"

The blunette's hair barely scraped by as a green glowing _thing_ crashed into her bedroom, embedding itself into a wall.

She looked back at the thing that crashed though her window and almost tore through her face.

It was a green glowing rod, reminding Konata of Magical Girl wands like Nantoka's Rage-Singing Heart, or Sakuria's Rod of Avalon.

She moved closer to it.

Grasping it around the rod, she tried to pull it out. A gentle tug at first, then a full fledged pull. She finally pulled it out, sending her sprawling on the floor.

She picked herself up and walked over to the medium-sized hole it made. It looked like someone messily drilled a hole in her wall. She wondered how she'll explain _that_.

Walking over to her chair, she took a look at the device's tip. It was green in colour and had a flat, lantern shape at the end, enclosed within a circle.

Suddenly, the device lit up with a strange green glow

"Suitable human host detected. State designation and any other legitimate information..." it said, with a vaguely robotic male voice.

"Umm... Name, err, designation is Konata Izumi, citizen of Kasukabe, Saitama Prefecture, Japan, Earth. Am a student of Ryoo Middle School."

"Input accepted. Designation of host user is: First name: **Konata**, Last name: **Izumi**. Residing in **Urban Earth sector 7896**, known by locals as **Kasukabe**, **Saitama Prefecture**, **Japan**. State current mission?" it asked.

"Yes?"

"Approval detected. Designation: **Green Lantern Heart**. Mission, to retrieve all **51 Soul Cards** scattered around the **Space-Time Continuum**. I request of you to aid me in my quest, as you are the **nearest one** and **only one** in the surrounding few hundred kilometres with the correct attributes to correctly use me..."

"Whoah..."

She had no idea where it came from, or what it's purpose was, but she vaguely wished for it to lead into a mahou shoujo mecha space opera comic book superhero adventure sometine. That'd be so badass.

* * *

><p>"Umm, all of that just flew over my head except for the words 'far away' and 'dimension'..." Rio said, moving her head from side to side as if it would stimulate her brain into understanding all that techno-magibabble.<p>

"Okay, okay, let's just say that you've been transferred really, _really_, _**really**_, _**SERIOUSLY**_ _effin'_ far away from your home 'verse, far enough that it won't be an easy task to get you girls back home soon..." Sayaka said, trying to not get ahead of herself in her explanations.

"Umm, how '_soon_' are you talking about?"

Sayaka hesitated, trying to phrase it in a way as to not shock the girls into beamspamming everything into high heaven. Mages of the Lyricalverse dimensional cluster (officially designated as dimensional cluster 457-8-99) are said to be volatile like that.

"Well, let's say you girls might be skipping a grade or two..." Kyoko cooly answered, as if getting stuck in another universe far away from home wasn't that big of a deal.

Nobody spoke for a few seconds.

"Wait, are you... are-are you implying that..."

"Yeah, you'll be here for a while." deadpanned Kyoko.

The sound of ceramic hitting the floor was clearly heard.

Sayaka shot a mean glance at Kyoko. The redhead just shrugged.

"Still, there are quite a few things I'm a little puzzled about..." the blunette stood up.

"Hey, why don't we go over to a place I know. While it may be rather unlikely, I bet we can find a way to get you two back home there. Or at least, establish communications so your mamas don't go insane..." she offered, shuddering inwardly at the mental image she had just given herself.

Vivio perked up. "Where is it?" she asked.

"Oh, let's just say it's a very... _special_ bit of history." she answered.

The blonde lifted an eyebrow.

Tsukasa smiled in realisation, then quickly reverted to her timid self.

* * *

><p>The recognisable hymn of his cellphone made itself be felt throughout his bed. He groaned and shifted positions, causing a rather terrifying *phlack* on the ground. Terrifying for an average Earth-person, at least. Jesus didn't know a whole lot about magic, but he did know enough to not worry about enchanted objects getting knocked around. They were durable like that.<p>

A few minutes passed.

"Hey kid! Get your scrawny ass down here, you got that!" a familiar voice shouted up the stairs.

"Ehhrmm..." the boy slowly, and groggily, woke up. He's been through this charade a million times already. No matter how much she threatens to slice him into itty-bitty pieces, stick an antique bardiche up his ass or have his eyeballs eaten out by crazed killer magic monkeys, he knew she wouldn't do such things. She was just a really big tsundere.

Still, he found it best to get down right away, if only to prevent her ripping the door from it's hinges.

"I'm coming, I'm coming..." he sleepily said, going down the stairs.

"Hmph, took you long enough." Madel chided.

Ignoring her, Jesus took his place at the table. Any normal person would have gawked at the sheer length of it. It occupied an entire vertical slice of the base, stretching from one end to the other. To Jesus, though, it was just day-to-day life as usual.

"Good morning Jesus, I suppose you had a good night's rest?" Mazoka asked, taking her seat next to him.

"Yeah, but Madel was shouting up the stairs again. It was really annoying."

"Well, look on the bright side, at least she didn't release reality-warping crocodiles into your room."

"Yeah..."

As breakfast hovered over to their place on the table, Jesus overheared many of his onee-chans going over their plans for the day. Mazoka and her posse decided to practice swordsmanship today, when they usually practiced archery, since it was their forte. Mabel decided to check on the specimens, especially the new specimens, stored in a place Lord Homu reserved for her. That as well as other boring stuff. Life as usual.

As soon as they finished breakfast, they went down to an unnamed room at the base's very bottom. Jesus knew the drill. Get strapped to a metal chair, make him use his 'special powers' to locate Soul Cards and other artefacts of great magical power, then sleep like a chopped down log for the rest of the day.

Luckily, he only had to do this every few weeks. Or unluckily, depemding on your point of view.

"Magical Conditions: Good. Physical Readiness: Excellent. Running Mass Search Spell: הקדושה האלוהית רב מימדי החיפוש השטח: דרך הנשמה, in three, two, one..."

As if he were possesed, the body of Jesus thrashed and convulsed, barely kept on the the chair by numerous thick straps. His body convulsed, but not out of pain, nor fear. His body just did, as if his body wanted to escape even though his mind had no wish to.

His eyes shifted through the magical multiverse, with it's many magical realms. There was a _lot_ of worlds. I mean, seriously, if you thought the number of seconds from the moment you entered high school to the day you graduated was a whole lot, that's just peanuts to the multiverse. The kicker? There isn't just one multiverse, there's _hundreds_, _thousands..._

_Millions_...

_**Trillions**_...

An infinity of multiverses. And the absolute best most multiversal empires and countries could do was managing a small section of a multiverse. Total control of one multiverse were reserved for the Americas and Chinas of multidimensional space. Total control of two or more multiverses was nearly unheard of. It's kind of like the same deal with Earth and the rest of the universe, except replace 'Earth' with 'this multiverse' and 'the rest of the universe' with 'the rest of reality'.

Okay, not the best analogy ever conceived, but you get the point.

Of course, after gaping in amazement the first few times, he learned to tune all the epicness out and concentrate on finding the Soul Cards.

Carefully monitering the flow of magic between dimensions, he quickly sensed a magical wavelength that he was _very_ familiar with.

He immediately locked on to the target universe.

It wasn't a very advanced universe, to be certain. He sensed virtually no usage of magic outside of hidden cults and wandering magicians and fortune-tellers, let alone integrated into society. Heck, knowledge of magic hadn't progressed past ancient times either. The muggles of that world routinely dismiss magic as mere superstitions, hoaxes. In some areas, they were even regarded as evil. The ones who do know of magic aren't much better either, iredeculously believing that they came as blessings from god, or even the devil. It rarely, if ever, passed though any of their minds that there might a less... physical explanations other than "they used wires, smokescreens, sleight-of-hand, the placebo effect, etc", that is, when someone were not claiming that God has chosen him as the second messiah just because he can shoot thunderbolts from his fingertips from birth. Which is funny, because the placebo effect was a form of magic, unconsiously cast by living beings with strong enough belief.

Okay, enough of that now. Now, time to see who were the unlucky ones now.

He zoomed in. He saw the location of the Soul Card, which was hidden away inside what appeared to be a young nun's body. She was being chased among the streets of that world's London by two magic-users.

The poor guys... Well, at least they won't kill them, he knows that his sisters weren't that bloodthirsty. At least he _thinks_ he knows.

Suddenly, he sensed the familiar wavelength in _another_ universe. Two Soul Cards in one day? Lord Homu would certainly call this day lucky. He zoomed in once again.

Hmm, seems to be an academy of some kind. The source seems to be coming from... a storage space, probably. Filled with scrolls, books, disks and somesuch.

That and great magical power...

The straps disappeared. Little Jesus fell out of the chair. Mazoka caught him before his face met the floor.

"You alright?" she asked.

"Yeah, I just... can you carry me back to my bed? I'm exhausted..."

"Sure."

All things considered, Lord Homura Akemi of the 1670th dimensional cluster, often (un)affectionately referred to by her countless enemies and rivals as HomuHomu the conquering b***h and HomuPimp, was having a slightly better than normal, though still perfectly normal, day.

The 'slightly better than normal' coming from the fact that they were about to get two-fiftieth closer to her goal than before.

"So, who are the unlucky bastards _this_ time?"

"Oh, just some primitive backwater planet that barely knows the existence _of_ magic, let alone build a society around it." Mashanka the shanking mage said, communicating with her master via magic mirror, while riding in an enchanted phone booth to some out-of-the-way world.

Lord Homu nodded. "I see. Well, I suppose you and your crew won't need any backup, am I right?"

The pinkette onscreen smiled and saluted.

"Oh, Master, didn't Jessie find _two_ instead of one?" the pink-haired girl asked.

"For the umpteeth time, his name's _Jesus_. And yes he did find two. One of them's on the planet you're going to."

"And the other one?"

"Oh, it's slightly more advanced in terms of magic than the world your going to, but not by much."

"Really? Well, wish Mazoka luck for me (not that she'll need it)."

Closing the communications screen, the black-haired lady leaned back in her _very_ stylish office chair and let out a small chuckle.

Hey, you can't take over entire multiverses without self-esteem.

Stepping out of the elevator, Madel breathed the fresh air of SCIENCE! As she stepped into her testing chambers, where she conducts experiments, both for the good of the mighty Homu Empire, as well as her own amusement.

Walking down the experimentation hall, she took a good look at each of her 'test subjects', which are interesting specimens she captured along the way. Cell 1991 held what she presumed to be a man in his twenties or so, wearing a red spandex mask and costume and wielding guns and a katana, who was always making sarcastic remarks at her and the other specimens. This, in itself, wouldn't warrant any valid reason to start imprisoning him for further experimentation (not that she needed valid excuses anyway), but this man was _unique_. No, not for his healing factor, his was a very basic form that could be easily replicated by the latest in magical technology. No, he has a power far more unique and valuable to her cause. He has what many claim to be insanity, rambling on about yellow boxes, continuity crossovers and readers from beyond the fourth dimension, but seeing as he was able to anticipate events ahead of time and gain greater insight into things than is normally possible for anyone else using what he claims to be 'breaking the fourth wall', it is clear he has some ability to innately sense phenomena beyond a certain cosmic point, where events, major and minor, are referred to as 'storylines' and the ever-changing whims of all-powerful writers decide the course of history, and use it to his complete and utter advantage. Madel, obviously not being stupid, decided she could capture him and figure out ways to use his power to their advantage.

**FOR THE GLORY OF HOMUHOMU!**

"Whoah, that is one wordy block o' text. You sure your readers won't bail out on you halfway through? Oh, and the yellow boxes? Nah, they're just for the atmosphere. Now I've got no more yellow boxes nor speech bubbles to talk to, cuz this ain't a comic book, just some shitty piece of fanfic that reads like it was written by some ADD-ridden kid who loves explosions and violence _way_ too much..."

_But dude, there hasn't been any explosions since Episode 4!_

"Shut up, italics!"

Madel ignored him. He'd been rambling things like that ever since he arrived here.

Next, she checked up on the resident of cell 6221. Unlike the others, she hardly had any attributes worth studying. Sure, she was a powerful celestial being who was second-in command and the closest thing to a friend that the Goddess Madoka, personification of hope and Ruler Goddess of Puella Magi Valhalla (Seriously, why'd they call it that anyway? It's not like they spend their lives in eternal battle and are going to fight some kind of apocalyptic fight at the end of the world. It's all so very confusing), but otherwise, she was just a very ordinary, if obscenely strong, Ascended Puella Magi. No, the reason she kept her here was more of keeping the option of holding the black-haired girl up for ransom from Madokami open.

She looked inside.

"Oh, give it up, no matter how powerful of a Puella Magi you may be, even you can't completely negate the effect of _total magic negation_!" the pinkette said, in response to what the Puella Magi was doing inside.

"Yes, I can't." her raven-haired prisoner responded, feeling the wall for any weaknesses. "I'll get out anyway."

"Hmph" the pinkette sneered.

* * *

><p>Life as a principal was <em>tough<em>. Rewarding, yes, but _tough_.

Especially if you're the principal for a school of time-travelling psychics.

Hidden underground in Ancient Greece.

_And_ you're the school's head librarian too.

Humming, Rashu sorted the new shipment of books that came in this morning. Pausing, she looked at the olive-haired girl who had just informed her that she had a meeting in three hour's time, and was now busily sorting books in alphabetical order. She sighed to herself in relief. Another young soul saved from the cruelty of modern fast-food businesses.

She also looked at the gathering of students at the far side of the library. Professor Plate-O was having one of his "_demonstrations_" again. She reminded herself to request a direct phone line for the good Doctor from Professor Manhattan as soon as humanely possible. While last week's lesson was rather tame, she couldn't take any chances. Not with what happened last year, when he accidentally released clothes-eating bugs that escaped into the girl's dorms, and that time when he actually summoned a anthropomorphic, blue jeans wearing, spin-crazy orange bandicoot while examining a strangely shaped warp portal. She shuddered at the memory. That encounter was unforgettable. For all the wrong reasons.

The bells of someone entering the library rang. Rashu looked up.

"Oh, Rashu-san, can you get the advanced texts section of the library opened up for us? I know outsiders like us aren't usually cleared for such things, but Sayaka-chan really wants to get some books here..." asked a familiar voice, clear as air.

"Oh, Tsukasa-san, what a pleasant surprise!" she replied. Okay, on second thought, the surprise wasn't so pleasant. The logistical nightmare caused by an outsider suddenly snatching the clothes of a very important student representative, inadvertadly destroying quite a few very important documents in the process and having the Headmaster (Whom I think is most likely a paedophile) get real pissy about her not being in the school records (What did you expect me to do? _Kidnap_ her?) was hell to navigate. Thank god for temporal mechanics, without time-travel induced clones to help her, she might've already killed herself by now.

And she was only ten.

"Fine, the texts on the dark arts and forbidden history is right over there, madams." she said, pointing to an out-of-the-way corner of the library. "You kids, however, aren't cleared for that kind of access, yes, not even you, Tsukasa-san. You can go waste your time over there at the children's section over there..."

"Umm, but we're not... nevermind." As the purplette looked over her shoulder, she saw a rather familiar senior of hers...

"Oh, hey, it's poor Kasuka-nee!" the purplette cheerily said, skipping over to where the olive-haired girl was.

"Tsu-Tsu-Tsukasa-san! What are you doing here!"

"I should be the one asking that." said another familiar voice.

"Huh! Kagami-san is here too!"

Upon hearing this, she checked her hair and looked all over herself. "Well, let's see, purple hair in twintails, pointed _tsurime_ eyes, non-gentle personality, has the last name of 'Hiiragi', yep, I am most definitely not her nanny..."

It was like out of a romance movie, that scene, when the eyes of two girls met the eyes of one girl they saw as they turned around a corner. It was as if time had stopped and an imaginary wind blew cherry blossom petals around them...

"Oh, hey there, Vivio-chan, Rio-chan! Are you researching something for school too?" the silver-haired girl said, apparently unaware that she wasn't in the library anymore. At least, not in the _same_ library as she thought she was in.

Her two friends stayed silent, eyes wide open and mouths that were casually hanging open.

"V-Vivio-chan? Rio-chan?"

Upon confirming that she was, indeed, not an imposter, the blonde and her darker haired companion began to shake ever so slightly.

"Umm, guys? Is there something wro-"

"_**Corona-chan!**_"

"Vi... _**GYAAAH!**_"

If there was any hug that could cause any more damage, the librarian couldn't imagine it. Because right now, the twin hug tackle they performed was enough to topple ten whole bookshelves. And break a giant window.

* * *

><p>He felt himself getting hurled though, well, he wasn't entirely sure. But he seemed to have nothing to worry about, even though getting tossed through the air is certainly something you should worry about.<p>

Right now, though, he felt like anything was possible, if your convictions are strong enough.

_Anything_...

…

Okay, now he just felt tired.

"Wake up, Mr. Carpenter. Wake up, and smell the air of the _future_..." a young girl's voice intoned.

Joseph the Carpenter, who was supposed to be the foster father of Jesus Christ by God's plan, had his life changed forever by the meddling of Lord Homura of the 1670th dimensional cluster.

"Umm, Shinkel-san, I don't think we should force him to- Oh, he woke up." came a soft female voice.

He opened his eyes. He was briefly overwhelmed by the ceiling lights, but as soon as he recovered, he sat up.

He was sleeping on a rather strange bed, apparently, held up with metal rods and having a strange contraption right next to it. A kind of tall white box that made strange beeping noises every few seconds. There were also small tubes (or maybe clear rope?) that attached him to the strange beeping white box. He was in a completely white room, with walls that reflected light coming from above. Looking up, he could not discern any possible source, and he was doubtful that the room was open from above. Rather, the light seemed to come _directly_ from the ceiling. It was rather unnerving, but also awe-inspiring. Looking around him, the walls seemed to be made of of marble or some other similar stone, judging from the wall's appearance. Even marble had imperfections and faint coloured patterns, though, while this one was almost _ethereally_ pure, brilliant white. There appeared to be no door, strangely enough. The room seemed to be small, just enough to fit two more identical beds while leaving just enough space to manouver properly around the room.

That's not to say there _were_ other beds, though. His bed was the only one, right at the center. He was flanked by two women. Or rather, one olive-haired young woman on his left and a little girl on his right. They both wore very strange clothes. There were a few others gathered in a corner, all wearing robes as white as the room they were in.

Taking in all of this, he could only ask one thing.

"Am I in heaven?"

* * *

><p>It was a foggy London evening on Baker Street.<p>

Holmes smoked his pipe. Having no interesting cases presented to him in a while now, he decided to lounge back and read books. This time, this was reading something by a wonderfully insane chap with the name of M. Riddle. His ramblings were always amusing to behold, with his crackpot theories about reanimated corpses serving as the gears and cogs (sometimes literally) in a giant labyrinthian machine. Of course, he made sure to keep such reading material away from prying eyes, lest he be thought of as less than rational.

Closing his book, he decided such a brilliant detective as he deserved a nice cup of tea. Strolling into the kitchen, he started to boil water, before noticing that his extremely ornate chinese tea set was not in the kitchen.

_Oh, that's right, I hid it under my bed today._

After a criminal tried to poison him in his own home during tea time in an incident that involved a potent combination of tampered-with tea sets, hypnotism, extremely flexible contract maids, a golden-plated revolver, a really suicidal dog, the poison of the __Nerium oleander__ and sheer dumb luck, he always made an effort to hide his tea sets (all of them) in a different place every time. Last week in the garden, yesterday under a box of books in the attic, and now, under his bed, guarded by spring-loaded bear traps. You can't be too careful, after all.

Stepping into his room with a trap disarming kit in hand (hidden behind a random bookshelf), he suddenly spotted something rather strange...

Holmes saw a silhouetted mass behind the curtain to the balcony. Now this was unusual.

_An intruder, maybe? This one, though, this isn't moving. Maybe one that is not very perceptive?_ _Maybe not an intruder after all? Might it be a dog or an unmoving mass of cats/birds that ended up here by accident?_

Grabbing an antique sword from it's display case, he inched closer to the curtain, before quickly pulling it to the side.

What he saw made him raise an eyebrow.

On the other side of the curtain, Holmes saw a most peculiar sight. A silver-haired girl in white robes, held together by safety pins, as far as he could see. She was breathing heavily, indicating notable physical strain beforehand.

The girl was also draped over the banister, her stomach pressed against the handrail.

Looking up at him, the girl only said one thing.

"I'm hungry."

* * *

><p>"So let me get this stright..." the blunette said, forcefully massaging her head to assuage the incoming migraine. "You <em>accidentally<em> travelled back in time using a magical history book to the Saint King Unification War, saved a young Olive and Klaus from time-travelling werewolves, and now you've taken both of them back with you, since you thought it would be _amusing_..."

"What! _They _were the ones who asked to come with me. You take Tsukasa and Kagami on adventures all the time, it would be _totally unfair_ to leave me out of the _take unwitting but adventurous folk along to the outer edges of reality_ business."

Sayaka felt the need the smash her head against the nearest bookshelf until it had a hole in it.

"Yeah, but... What have you _done_..."

"Hey, chill, I've did the timeline-splitting ritual as soon as I realised where I am, so there's no chance of flying time roaches eating everything because I've fu**ed up a timeline. Besides, I've actually done some good changes while in alternate!Ancient Belka." the red-haired ruffian smiled to herself.

"Yeah? What _kind_ of changes?" Knowing Kyoko, it was either related to booze, junk food, video games, extreme violence, or any facepalm-worthy combination of the three.

"Well, I did invent television, video games and instant cup noodles a few hundred years ahead of schedule..." *smack* "Introduce Starcraft as a viable alternative to bloody warfare" *smack* "Introduce democracy and non-violent resistance to the oppressed people and soldiers of every side, encouraging them to band together against the kings and nobles that _perpetuate_ senseless war, eventually reforming and unifying all of the warring factions into one federation: The Department Of Otherworldly Matters (D.O.O.M.)"

"Okay, the name sounds vaguely ominous, but that's _probably_ not so bad..."

"Oh, and I inadvertently started an officially recognised state religion that exists in worship of _me_."

*ground pound: headbutt edition*

"Sayaka-san, is it? Please, stop hurting yourself any longer. I know Kyoko-chan has done some pretty crazy things in our timeline, but she's also saved our people's empires and weapons from destroying themselves..." said the blonde that accompanied Kyoko, presumably a young alternate universe Olive Segbrecht, to the present day. Relatively speaking, that is.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. It's just, ugh... I have to go get a sit down..."

Sayaka sat down on a nearby stool.

"Hey, Sayaka-san! We found another one of our friends from back home. She said she didn't know how she got here, she thought she was in our school library until she met us here."

Sayaka fell off the stool.

* * *

><p><strong>Any crossover worth doing is worth <em>OVERDOING<em> after all!**

**Tune in to the next episode, where shit gets cranked up to _TWELVE_:**

**Magic Titan League, _Assemble_!**

* * *

><p><strong>I realise that the previews I kept on giving didn't accurately portray the next episode clearly, so I removed it. Having the dialogue match the previews was more trouble than it was worth.<strong>

**I am probably the only fan in existence who thinks Rio and Konata should each have their own spinoff (separately or otherwise).**

**I am also probably the only fan in existence who ships Riona (Rio/Corona) and thinks Homura ain't that cool of a gal (Kyoko and Sayaka beat her by a landslide after an escape from reality).**

**Probably the only thing fandoms will agree with me on is that Kyoko is one badass mother****** (and that Poorfag-chan should get her own spinoff, featuring her as _TRASHGAL, DEFENDER OF HOBOS!_(Possibly)).**

**Then again, I could also easily imagine Morpheus, Deadpool and Homura being the best of buds (Deadpool's the annoying but lovable one; Morpheus could be the cool, calm but emo dude (who ****sympathise****s**** with HomuHomu and wishes she could notice him) and Homerun could be the nice but shy, Cloudcuckoolander's Minder, so maybe I'm just insane.**

**Ah well.**

**By the way, I _am_ allowed to use Jesus in a less than flattering way to advance the story, right? The Internet is free? I didn't cross some invisible line, didn't I? No flaming and death threats from hardcore Christian fundamentalists?**

**Well, I did read **_**Jesus Goes to Hogwarts**_ **and such so I think it's not **_**all**_** taboo...**

**Meh, maybe I'm being too paranoid about losing readers. IT'S THE ARTISTRY OF THE THING, DAMMIT!**

**Ahem, sorry 'bout that. Anyway, five reviews! Thanks for reading! I wish I could hug you guys from my computer monitor!**

**Typical review reminder is typical. Just keep em' coming, everyone!**

**Oh, and to quote one of my favourite story-makers, Andrew Hussie:**

_**There was only one sure thing I knew when starting HS. That was that this thing would go batshit insane in ways I couldn't begin to imagine. In fact, it was practically the mission statement.**_

**Now replace "HS" with "Fantastic Adventures in the Magicaverse". Exactly.**


	8. Magic Titan League, Assemble!

**I'm so very sorry for the delay! I meant to release this chapter (and the next one) at the end of April, but I got a bit delayed. Hope you don't mind!**

* * *

><p>"First off, let me introduce myself." The young girl in white robes said, as she sipped from a teacup and devoured several biscuits at once.<p>

"Why don't you explain why you were hanging on my balcony _first_, young lady?"

"I wasn't hanging there."

"Then what would you call having your body draped over the balcony railing of my house like a piece of wet clothing, young miss?"

"It was an accident. But nevermind that. My name is Index Librorum Prohibitorum, and the thing is, I'm being _chased_."

"You're being pursued? By whom?"

"I... I don't know, to be honest. The person chasing me started chasing me out of nowhere, and I had to flee from my convent..."

"You lived at a convent?"

"Yes. I _am_ a christian sister , after all. Can't you tell?"

"Well, I've certainly never seen a habit like that being worn before."

"I'm... Let's say I'm not like other sisters. Anyway, this mysterious attacker destroyed my home, so I had to flee across the country. I was just by pure God's luck that I stumbled unto your balcony, but now that I have this opportunity, maybe you could figure out something in looking into this case. You, the famous detective of Baker Street, Sherlock Holmes."

Well, he _did_ figure out that she was wasn't telling him all the details, but decided to not force out the truth head-on. It would be unbecoming of him, and it will probably cause her to be even more silent about her situation.

"Speaking of which, where _is_ Dr. Watson anyway?" she asked, looking around the room. "From what I've read about you, you're almost never seen without your trusty companion to provide commentary from the viewpoint of the average layperson."

"Ah, my dear Watson. I'm afraid you're a bit late, he has already found a mate of his very own, and moved on to greener, or at least, less bloodier pastures. Though if he _were_ here, I'm sure he would have had some very interesting things to say about the situation. Now, as for your problem, This does, indeed, sound serious. I can arrange for police protection for you in a situation like this, and when I can get more information from you, I can open a case to be investigated. On a sidenote, though. Would you like to explain how in the world did you end up on the second story balcony of my flat, young miss? Where you, by any chance, carried around by the wind or other such nonsense as that?" he asked, half-sarcastically.

"…The situation was somewhat similar."

Upon seeing a raised eyebrow, Index decided to explain further.

"I wanted to jump from the roof of that building to the roof of this one, but I fell."

Jump? The buildings are right next to each other, only separated by the occasional narrow alleyway, so it's not inconceivable to be able to jump from one roof to another, but...

"Jumping from roof to roof? Even if you _were_ running for your life, that seems ludicrously risky for a young girl such as you."

"Well, it's not like a suicidal person can have a grave... But there was no choice, I had to do this in order to escape. Actually, I could've jumped over and avoided landing here, but I got hit in the back as I tried to jump from the building next to this one. Thus, I fell down and landed on your balcony railing. I'm sorry."

*knock* *knock*

The sudden door knock put the conversation at a standstill.

Moving slowly to the door, the Londoner looked through the convenient eyehole, then opened the door halfway. On the other side was an apparently harmless pink-haired girl. '_Dyed_', he thought, but then he realised that her eyebrows were the same shade of extremely light pink as her hair. Plus, her hair was the same shade of pink all the way down to her roots. But before he could dwell on these facts, the girl started to speak.

"Good _Evening_, Dear Sir, I'm sorry for interrupting you at this late hour, but I believe my charge went off and took refuge in your humble home, dear sir... "

"Your... charge?"

"Yes, I am caretaker for for the Librorum family and I think- Ah! There she is!" she said suddenly, looking over Holmes' shoulder and causing Index to emit a frightened squeak.

"I-I-It's her..." Index shivered. "It's the one who's been chasing me, I recognise her."

"Oi, stop with the games, little miss!" the pink-haired girl reprimanded with a wagging finger. She turned to the detective. "I'm so very sory for our intrusion." she apologised before turning to her supposed 'charge'. "Your mother will be _very upset_ when she finds out you've been messing aroung in some older man's apartment, young woman!" she said sternly to Index, who was trying her best to hide under the short table. Holmes looked at her straight in the eye, and started to speak.

"I'm very sorry, madam, but I'm afraid I don't believe you."

The 'caretaker''s eyes widened slightly, but did not speak.

"Firstly, you look much to young to be considered a caretaker for one who looks almost the same age as you. Secondly, I am someone employed and known for my brilliant deductions, and I can tell that she wasn't lying when she said you were in deadly pursuit of her and was not her caretaker of any sort" he said. "But no worries, young madam. I'll set up police protection for her and look into this misunderstanding myself, if you truly insist..."

The pink-haired girl's gaze suddenly turned deathly cold. And scary. "I see... So that's how it's supposed to be, huh? It's rather sad, really..." she said, slowly, pulling out something out something as a pistol attached to a knife. "Ah well, more fun for me, I guess-"

A red blur shot out from a nearby corner and knocked the weapon out of the assailant's hands, then pinned her down while another person clad in blue came into the scene.

"There, tie her up good, Kyoko. We need to keep her bound for as long as we can..." what he assumed was the person in blue said to her partner.

Looking at them closely, Holmes could deduce that their mysterious helpers were at their mid-teens at most, 10 years at the very least, and female (or rather androgynous boys, it's not like he had not encountered a few of these before). He could also see that the colour of their hair were extremely unnatural. The one who tackled their assailant to the ground had bright, cherry-red hair, and the hair colour of the other one had even more preposterous blue hair. While common sense says that they simply dyed their hair, when they approached the door, though, the roots of their hair didn't have any splotches or discolouration. Their eyebrows were the same shade as well, meaning their hair was either dyed by very skilled hands, _or_ they were, beyond all reason, undyed.

"You don't have to worry, I'm not with them. She just has what you would call a _very unique condition_, and I'm just here to help..." said the blunette.

"Wait, hold on." Holmes interrupted. "Here, I have a young girl seeking refuge from an unknown and armed pursuer, and here you are, conveniantly appearing out of nowhere and saving us, then and claiming to know what's going on and help when you and your friend here look no older than a young lass a few years into puberty."

"_Trust_ me, Mr. Holmes. I know a lot more about what's going on than anyone else you could ask for..." she said. Thinking as the mind of a brilliant detective, he was almost inclined to believe her. The man has met both genuine experts who wanted to help, and liars and scam artists who were simply faking it. Holmes always knew to tell between the two with deductions and clues few others would pick up on. In this case, his instinctual deductions told him that he should trust her, that from the way she talked to him and her relaxed but confident posture that he had seen before in his trusted Doctor Watson, that she was no charlartan and is likely the best person you could go to in this situation, but common sense told him that there was no way a girl that young would be able to effectively diagnose her, let alone concluding that she has a condition from mere sight. The disonnect between his common sense and his gut instinct was amazing.

"Of course, If we're talking about legitimacy, I say we turn to the patient herself..." she turned to Index.

"Ms. Prohibitorum, do I look like I can be trusted enough to to not kidnap you when the opportunity arises?"

"Umm, I dunno... You don't seem like bad people, miss, I mean, it was so cool! Sure, if you _do_ try to kidnap me, Mr. Detective here will come and beat you up if you take me away anyway, so I'll trust you for now."

Holmes heaved a sigh. "Fine, then. Let's have it your way. But first, what can you do for us, young lady?"

"Well, first off, the name's Sayaka Miki.. As for _you_, young lady... Index, was it? Can you lay down for a bit? Thank you." she said, easing the light-haired girl into lying down on the sofa.

Sayaka then slowly moved her hands over her body carefully. It wasn't obvious, but if you looked closely enough, you could see a faint blue glow on the palm of her hand. Holmes spoke up.

"... Excuse me, miss, would you please give me an explanation of what you're doing right now? I'm not exactly a trained physician, but even I'm baffled at what you're doing."

"Please, you wouldn't understand it even if she told you a hundred times..." snorted the redhead. 'To be fair, I don't understand it either, aside from the fact that it's magic' she mused inwardly.

Sayaka on the other hand, sighed. "While I might not approve of my partner's condescending attitude, I'm afraid she's right. Technically speaking, I'm not even supposed to be showing this in front of you, it's just that I think it wouldn't be much of a problem if you just happened to witness it..."

"Yeah, she isn't the type to get hold back by technicalities anyway." Kyoko added.

"Yeah, yeah..." Her hand hovered over the nun girl's head, before placing it firmly on her forehead.

"Did you find something, Sayaka-san?" the girl asked.

"It's worse than I thought..." the blunette muttered. She started to ponder somthing long and hard, before moving her head up from leaning over the white-haired girl's body.

"Mr. Holmes, I have some very pressing information that this young lady needs to hear. However, if you hear any of this, I'm afraid I'll also be showing off knowledge that might shatter your worldview completely and quite possibly irrevocably, unless you try to rationalise it in any way, in which case, it wouldn't make a difference whether you heard it or not." she said, not moving her head, so her blue hair was the only part of her head visible to Holmes.

The Great Detective furrowed his brow. "More knowledge means more to draw from when invetigating cases, isn't that right? And since you were saying that this knowledge "might shatter your worldview completely and quite possibly irrevocably" unless I rationalise it, than it might not be easy to gain access to this very radical pool of knowledge, I might wager?"

Kyoko grinned mischeviously. "Oh, you have _no idea_..."

"So you don't mind, then? Very well, then. I do warn you, it wouldn't be very wise to share what you just saw here, since they might think you mad, no matter how much of a genius they know you to be." she than turned to Index "As for you, Index-san, do you believe in magic?" Sayaka asked.

"Magic? You mean the evil power that the Devil gives it's concubines? I'm not sure myself, to be honest, but that's what I hear about magic from my fellow sisters." the girl with silvery-white hair responded.

Sayaka paused for a second. "Well, I have heard a handful like that, but there's a lot more variety in magic than just that..."

"Fweh!" Index exclaimed, sitting up. "Are you seriously saying that magic is real?" she asked, half-wary and half-excited.

In response to this, the blunette stood up, removed her blue jacket, and hung it over a small hook. With a casual snap of her fingers, the interior of the coat started discharging all manner of items that couldn't possibly have fit inside normally, from cutlasses to knives of all kinds to large spools of thick rope to planks of wood and nails to a _goddamn __**giant anchor**_ that caused a _dent_ in the floor of the Great Detective's abode.

"What... in the world..."

Index, on the other hand, just stared with wide open eyes.

"Oh, but that's not all, folks!" she smiled. Moving over to the dent caused by the huge amount of stuff, she touched the edge of the depression, causing it to rise and flatten, restoring it to normal and allowing it to handle strain of all those objects with ease for the time being.

Index then looked to Kyoko hopefully. "Can _you_ also...-ah!"

Kyoko nonchantly conjured a spear from thin air in response.

"Wah, so cool..."

"Now then, now that you are sufficiently converted, tell the truth."

The young sister's eyes widened. "Huh?"

"Your brain is fused with the Soul Card of Knowledge, a magical artefact that messes with the mind. I know you're bound to have some 'special problems' caused by this, young miss."

Index looked down on her lap. "I don't know why, but it just happened. For absolutely no reason at all, I lost all my memories prior to July 28, about a year ago, I think..." she started. "I tried to hide it for as long as I could, but that's before... _they_ came..." Index shuddered.

"I'm guessing that _they_ attacked your convent as well?" Holmes deduced.

"Yes... For some reason, they all had pink hair, and I think they all had the same face as well. They all came after me and killed several of my fellow sisters in the process. I managed to hide from them the first few times, but it eventually got so bad even the _police_ abandoned us... everyone tried to stick together for as long as we could, but after everyone figured out I was their target, they started... distancing themselves away from me more and more..."

"Ah yes, I see, the Calamitous Cornwall Convent case. There were rumours that it was beseiged by multiple terrorist attacks over the past year, but for some reason, after a string of failed investigation and scores of slaughtered guards for the convent, the case was closed prematurely by the investigative and even governing bodies, and all ties were cut with the convent as well as not allowing anyone near it's premises, as if they were containing a deadly plague of some sort. _Everyone_ who tried to investigate it, police or private, professional or amatuer, would always end up as a dead corpse dumped in the middle of the street with a note from the "Goddess of the 1670th" not to mess with them. I was thinking of going to investigate it myself, to be honest, when you came knocking on my balcony." Holmes cut in.

"Pink hair... Same face..." Sayaka mused.

"We tried to stay together for as long as we could, but some of them eventually snapped. The... _rougher_ sisters would bully me and steal my food and stuff, while the quiter ones wouldn't talk to me as much. Only some of the older sisters would treat me nicely. I guess most of them blamed me for all of the deaths among them..."

"Whether they're nuns or f*cking ninjas, people never do change, do they?" Kyoko said menacingly, to herself more than others. Index twitched due to the swear. She looked to Sayaka, who nooded at her to keep going.

"In some way, the fact that my convent was burned down was as much a blessing as it was a curse... no, I shouldn't think of my fellow fallen sisters like that. I would say... it was as much less a blessing as it was a horrible curse, because of all the 'running for my life' I had to do." she finished.

Sayaka slowly nodded in understanding. "I understand. Well, nobody gonna get hurt by the people who sent these people after you ever again, Index-san. We'll _guarantee_ it." she said sternly. "But to ensure _your_ safety, miss, you'll have to came with us. Sound agreeable to you?"

She slowly nodded. "You don't seem to have any ill intentions." she said quietly.

The blunette turned to the detective. "Well, how about you? Have any problems with this arrangement?"

He looked her straight in the eye. "You _do_ know who her pink-haired hunters are, correct?" he asked. He was met by a nod. He closed his eyes. "Since they've already broke through large swaths of the police in the earlier attacks, I don't think any police protection I might arrange for her might be enough. You, on the other hand, you might be lying. Even if I used best muscle-reading techniques known to mn with a keen eye worthy of the best, there would still be an extremely slim chance that you are bluffing and using her own kindness against her. However, since you sound sincere enough for no doubt to cross your face, and since I have no other valid choice, I'm willing to let her with you for now." he said, opening his eyes to meet blue ones.

He was met by a sigh from Kyoko. "Feh, fine, whatever floats your boat. Victorians and their f*cking politeness..."

Sayaka sighed and decided to pretend not to have heard that as she made Index follow her and the redhead out of the door.

They slowly walked down the steps of 221 Baker Street into the ground floor door, where Holmes saw them off. Before stepping out, Sayaka turned to the master investigator.

"Mr. Holmes, the world you've just briefly stumbled into is a world that's that's probably way beyond your understanding or imagination. But you're a good man, despite your lack of sensitivity at times. I can see that clearly enough..." Sayaka held a face in thought, then started rummaging through her magic jacket. "Tell you what, in any case you find yourself investigating something too strange for you to handle, why don't you give me a call sometime." she said, pulling a card out of her jacket and tossing it over to the detective.

"Thanks a lot, Mr. Detective!" the white-haired girl waved back.

They walked into the fog, and then they were gone.

Oh, and along the way, they picked up one _very_ rowdy pinkette tied in magic rope.

* * *

><p>Konata Izumi had an average day today. Well, average for her, at least. Wake up, go to school, beat up a giant man-turtle-platypus, exorcise a possessed killer truck, beat up some mind-controlled thugs, get yet another card-shaped glowing mcguffin that likes to bring trouble wherever it lands...<p>

Come to think of it, at least two of those items on the list were probably _caused_ by said trouble-making mcguffin.

As she was pondering this information, someone snuck up on her.

"Green Lantern of the 2814. You're an awfully hard lady to find..." droned an motionless female voice from behind. Konata immediately transformed into her green lantern uniform and turned around.

Confronting her was an unassuming cyan-haired girl around her age, wearing an equally cyan and yellow skintight bodysuit (that might as well be a one-piece swimsuit) and wearing a glowing yellow domino mask, just like Konata's glowing green domino mask. Come to think of it, she was wearing a yellow ring with the _exact_ same design as her Green Lantern ring. _And_ she wore it on the same finger too! Very suspicious.

"Who are you? And who sent you?" the green-themed magical girl shouted.

The stoic girl slowly walked torwards the blunette.

"Hey, I'm warning you! Get any closer than three metres and I'll- gah, two metres, _two metres_ and I'll definitely- _whoah_..."

Nimbly jumping away from a kick, Green Lantern got ready to fight it out.

"Alright, now you're asking for it!" she said. Focusing her willpower, she made a green tank construct aroung her, loading the green light barrel with a green light tank round.

The mysterious cyanette dodged the round at near-superhuman speeds. Firing another round, this time the girl jumped in time to the explosion and propelled herself through the air and onto the tank construct using the force of the explosion.

Somehow smashing through the top of the construct, she reached inside to pull the blunette halfway into the open and poking two fingers into Konata's temples, somehoe causing her to stop moving.

"My name is Destiny... Destiny Halloween. 101st practitioner of the centuries-old _Heavenly Fear __Ring Fist of the So__uth Star_ magical art. This move I just used on you is a basic paralysis technique that targets two very unguarded pressure points on your head."

She then jumped to the front of the tank and started to do some _very_ rapid-fire punches and kicks.

_"AATATATAT__ATATATATATATATATATATATA!"_

Her strikes even started to _dent_ the light construct, which Konata couldn't even begin to comprehend.

"Now _die_, in your precious green tank..."

She then proceded to flip away in a manner that's physically impossible for a normal human being, then proceded to walk away from the impending green explosion like some cool 80's action movie hero.

*_**KABOOOM!**_*

Konata Izumi thought a great many things as she was tossed into the air like the ragdoll model of an enemy video-game character being killed by an exploding barrel, like whether anybody would be woken up by this strange green explosion in the middle of the night and come investigate, what that pink-haired girl's agenda was, and whether her mother would have been proud of her otaku-ish ways. But one thought pervaded above all. If only for a brief moment in time, all was right with the world... Because she had just simultaneously recreated a scene from both _Fist of the Crackling Blue __Sky_ _**and**_ _Magical Girl Musical Nantoka_!

She then proceded to land to the ground with a sickening *crack* and cough up blood.

"Ugh, I shoud've known better than to use a tank construct against someone who uses a style like that..."

As she lost consciousness, she didn't think of trivial things like whether she'd survive, or what'll her family think of her getting sent to the hospital in a silly costume...

Okay, so she did, but one thought pervaded all else...

_That girl sure looked hot_...

* * *

><p>"Hmm..." Sayaka mused.<p>

"What did you find, Sayaka-san?" the silver-haired earthmeister asked.

"Well, I _think_ we know what brought you here..."

"What?"

"Well, it's very possible that you just wandered into an L-Space temporal anomaly and it spat you back out here, but since you just happened to be close friends with the last victim just a few hours ago, this whole thing screams either _mysterious evil plot_ or _a more... __cheesy__ explanation..." she __muttered, glaring at Kyoko with those sideways eyes of hers._

The redhead just shrugged and waved her arms and hands around in an exaggerated expression of "Hell if I know".

Meanwhile, two very similar blondes stared at each other.

"So, Sayaka-san told me about you. A-Are you really..."

Olive stratched the back of her head. "Well, from a certain point of view, yes...".

This caused Vivio to quake in her shoes and hyperventilate into a paper bag like a maniac. "Thanks, Corona... _Oh my gosh!_ Can you please sign an autograph for me? Please? Klaus-san too, I'll bet Einhart-san will get giddy getting an autograph from her ancestor-san!"

While their blonde associate was fangirling over the new arrivals, Rio turned to Sayaka-san.

"So, what do we do now, Sayaka-san?" she asked.

"Well, we did some research on the strange attackers and the thing they pulled out (thank god for magical trace scanners!), they seemed to match the reports of similar assaults and eyewitness accounts from around this multi-dimensional area. From what we know right now, reports seem to match records of a Class-4 Multi-Dimensional Conqueror named "Lord Homu" by her endless pink-haired minions, and comes from another multiverse outside this one entirely..." Sayaka creased her forehead in thought. "I'm not sure, but she seems to be an alternate version of a magical girl me and Kyoko know, what with the looks, the dark hair and the obsession with using guards that look suspiciously like Madoka..." she mused, mostly to herself and others. "...and to top it off, judging from reports of them pulling strange glowing cards out of people and such, they seem to be trying to complete the mystical Deck of Soul Cards..."

"The Soul Cards?"

"*sigh*, I swear, the parrots are increasing their tyrannical hold on the minds of mortals everyday... *shakes head* _Anyways_, the Soul Cards were a magical deck of 52 cards created by a master wizard known only by the name of Mortimus Riddle. These cards, if all of them were brought together and used in a special summoning ritual, were said to summon the dead spirit of Sheng Long, legendary martial artist and grandmaster of the equally legendary _Mahou no Eiyuu Ken _style of martial arts. You could say he was to empty-handed fighting as Nanoha was to shooting magic in your world, Vivio-chan."

Vivio scratched the back of her neck. "Well _I've_ never heard of him before..." she remarked.

"That's because you're just a _stupid Bureau Dog_, _**blondie**_." Kyoko snapped.

The blonde instinctively twitched at that statement.

"_**KYOKO!**_" Sayaka reprimanded, punting the redhead through the floor. "How many times have I told you _not_ to use that term? Seriously, your bad mouth is gonna get us lynched someday."

"Yeah yeah, okay, okay..." she said, looking straight at Vivio. "Sorry..."

"Huh? For what?"

"Oh you stupid blonde mother- *crack*..."

"Don't mind her, she just used a slur for users of your style, Vivio." Sayaka explained, wiping the redhead's blood from her shoes.

"Belka-Mid Hybrid style? Wait a minute, I didn't know there _were_ haters in the first place..." Rio mused.

The blunette shook her head. "No, you don't understand. Belkan style, Mid style, Inherent Skills... Basically, with a few rare exceptions, if you've heard of it, Rio-san, Vivio-san, Corona-san, than it most likely falls under the "Calculation" class of magic style. Common defining elements of this style includes the need for specialised devices for the casting of higher level spells; the usage Barrier Jackets, protective layers of magic moulded into the shape of clothing; The appearance of moving runic designs when spellcasting; and a prominence of math and calculation in forming and casting spells, hence the name." she explained.

Corona blinked. "Wait, you mean to say there are magic styles that exist that don't use runes, devices, Barrier Jackets _or_ calculations?"

Kyoko scratched her head. "Wait, and here I thought you were the smart one! The squishy one who reads all the books. The Bureau isn't stupid, and I'm sure you must've come across _some_ totally unique styles in your never-ending quest to find a way to make picture-perfect copies of your friends to pleasure yourself with..."

"W-Wh-What!"

"Oh, you know, the fact that you can mould moving stuff out of earth might have made a few lewd thoughts cross your mind, innit? I know a girl that makes golems of her crush that she uses to... _pleasure_ herself with. Oh, don't turn red like that! After all-_**OUCH**__!_"

Horrified, and yet so very aroused at the prospect of using her powers in such a way, the silver-haired golem-meister promptly kicked Kyoko in the crotch.

"_**Ow**__, __**Ow**__, __**Owie**__, Okay,_ _Okay_, moving on..." the redhead muttered.

"But what does she want with some old man anyway?" Rio asked. "I mean, it's understandable if the guy grants wishes if you summon him or something but..."

"Well, he _is_ said to grant the wishes of anyone who defeats him in mano-a-mano combat..." Sayaka remarked, leafing through a history and mythology textbook she pulled from the shelves. "Historical accounts and word-of-mouth lore says that his former student, Vlad the Impaler, turned on him and him him with a hidden technique that damns the victim to hell. Fortunately, he escaped, but was dying. So he asked his wizard friend to seal his essence into a 51 card deck that was later scattered for unknown reasons, waiting for the day that a worthy opponent might unseal him one day... *sigh*, old people logic. It's so pretentious, yet so nonsensical." she mused, slamming the book shut.

Rio blinked. "Wow, you sure you weren't just reading a fantasy book there?"

Sayaka lightly hit her on on the head with the book. "Please, your 'verse has dangerous ancient magical artefacts from gemerations ago, and ancient kings reincarnated as lesbian lolis. Please don't tell what's real and what's fantasy." she sighed.

"Okay, moving on." she said. "We don't know how many of the cards they have, but I do know _one_ thing. Out of the 51 cards, only 12, the major set, are absolutely required to complete the summoning ritual. The other 39 cards, the minor set, just make the ritual _much_ easier to cast..."

Noticing the questioning looks the others gave her, Sayaka decided to explain further.

"Having only the 12 required cards requires you to be nearly godlike in your magical ability to even have a chance at making the ritual work. Having around 10 of the minor set plus all of the major set makes the summoning easy enough for people experienced in the art of moving things through time and space. Having around 20 of them makes the summoning only mildly challenging to anyone with a decent grasp of magic. Finally, having _all_ the cards, major and minor, makes the summoning ritual a no-brainer for even the most non-magical of beings." the blunette explained.

"Huh. But where _will_ you find these magical cards?" Vivio asked.

"Well..." Sayaka said, pulling out a a phone with a webpage of what they assumed to be the tournament website on it, "There _is_ a fighting tournament coming right up. It's a few weeks away, and one of the two grand prizes for it are, conveniently, all twelve cards of the major set, plus a few of the minor set. I have no idea where they got it, but they're genuine, I checked. Since the event's gonna be really heavily guarded, so I think our absolute best bet is to win that tournament..."

"What? You mean the Biannual Kenyan Running and Senseless Violence Tournament? Oh hell yes! It's like doing drugs, except _bloodier_!" Kyoko said, pelvic thrusting all the way.

Everyone else stared at her.

"What! It's gonna be _fun_! There's gonna _epic races_ and _tornadoes_ and _car crashes _and_ rockslides_ and _guns_ and _swords_ and _rockets_ and _explosions_ and maybe a _battle tank_ or two..." Kyoko said dreamily.

Sayaka' eyes narrowed. "Err, yeah. So, about the tournament..." she started, holding up the phone. All of a sudden, Vivio noticed something rather unsettling on it, regarding the tournament.

"Hey, give me that!" Vivio shouted, snatching the phone from the blunette's hands. Browsing the webpage carefully, her irises narrowed and she started to sweat heavily.

"Oh no! I think I can see Vice-kun in there! And, umm, umm..." she started to pull her hair frantically. "Guys, this is bad, this is very, very _very __**very**__**VERRRY BAAD!**_" she very nearly shouted.

_"Vivio! What- Oh..." Rio's eyes widened while Corona rolled back her eyes and fell over backwards._

Ignoring their horrified reactions, Sayaka pounded a fist into her open palm. "We need a _team_."

* * *

><p>It was the middle of the night, and by all rights, Yutaka Kobayakawa <em>should<em> be asleep...

But she wasn't.

She was, instead, wide awake in the middle of the night, eyes wide quickly darting from room to room. She didn't know why, she just _felt_ it. An unnatural feeling of danger, more danger than any normal person could handle...

And then her door broke down.

Through it came a man of a most hefty build, so tall that he had to lower his head through the doorway. His face was similarly burly, having the largest black beard and sideburns you ever saw. He was dressed looking like he stepped out of a medieval painting, using a wooden walking stick and wearing robes that were seemingly designed by a colour-blind tailor and a scarf that would give clowns nightmares. He also wore a top hat, but that looked positively normal compared to everything else he wore.

Yutaka squealed and hid under her blanket.

"Oi, oi, don't be like that!"

"S-S-Stay away from meee..."

"Oi, relex..." he said, settling himself down on a nearby stool.

"Y-Y-You aren't gonna kidnap me and hold me for ransom, aren't you?" she asked nervously, before realising that giving him ideas was the _last_ thing to do.

She froze.

Seeing her go solid like a stone statue, the large man sighed and leant back to the wall, trying to appear as unthreatening as possibe. "No, I am _not_ going to snatch you in the middle of the night like some unrefined brute, even though I _do_ look like one I guess." he laughed, mostly to himself. Yutaka just sunk further into her bed.

Looking at her fearful form, the man sighed again and looked straight at her.

"Ms. Kobayakawa, yer a witch."

"A-A-A-A witch! You mean, casting spells and potions and riding on broomsticks and all that?"

"Yep, exactly like that. I remenbered us sending an owl to you to inform ya of your acceptance into Mahoutokoro School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We never got a message back, though. Or the _owl_, for that matter. Say, do you happen to know where it is now, young lady."

Yukata felt a shiver snake down her spine. She had, indeed, received a letter to the Mahoutokoro School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She, however, did not take it seriously. Hell, they actually gave it to an animal shealter nearby, thinking that whoever smartass sent it will come back for his pet, since it couldn't have flown _too_ far.

"Umm, well, I did find an owl with a message attached to it's leg a weeks ago, but my family all thought it was a big joke and sent the owl to Kasukabe Animal Shelter..."

The man raised an eyebrow. "_That_ place, eh? Well, no matter. So, about becoming a witch..."

"**Do not listen to him, little girl**..." an extremely strange and monotone droned. It felt like the voice was coming from inside her head, even. Yutaka turned and saw a white weasel-thing with beady, red eyes land on her windowsill. "**I see you are young, and full of hope. Combine that with your ****already present magic potential... Yes, yes. You have the potential to be the strongest Magical Girl I have contacted in a long, long while.****..**" the thing mused, seemingly oblivious to the wizard's wild thrashing. He was, for some reason or another, was unable to move from his chair, move the chair itself, or even speak.

_Crap, crap, crap, whatever the hell is happening, it definitely isn't goo__d! _he screamed inwardly.

"M-M-Magical girls!" the redhead exclaimed. "They really exist?"

"**Indeed, they do. In fact, in one special way, being a real life Magical Girl is **_**even better **_**than the ones you see on television, becau-**"

*BAM* *BAM* *BAM*

"Get the _hell_ away from her, you _bas*****_!" said a familiar voice from the window, climbing into the window and over bloody pieces of the incubator's body. In response, the wizard drew his wand.

"Who in the _world_ are you?" he asked.

"We..." Kagami answered, reloading her revolver, "... are the Magic Titan League, and we _urge_ you to crawl back where you came from, _both_ of you!"

"The who? Is that a muggle thing?" the wizard wondered aloud to himself.

"No, it's actually a magic thing. But I guess people like you couldn't understand." she answered, moving over to the cousin of her best friend's bed.

"What in the world do you mean by _that_! And what in _hell's bells_ that thing!" he asked, exasperated, as the Incubator moved in and ate it's previous body.

"Oh, that's Kyubey, which is some kind of weird little alien that asks little girls to fight monster for a wish. Not very nice if you ask me." said another familiar voice, crawling from underneath the bed, spouting stuff like that as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"Tsu-Tsukasa-chan! Kagami-san! W-What are you doing here? What's going on? I thought you moved to another city! And what _is_ that weird-looking animal on my window?"

"That's an Incubator, Yu-chan. As your self-appointed sempai, I would advise you to _**not**_ to listen to that thing. If you do, you'll disappear forever." Kagami answered, once again shotgunning the white-furred pest off the windowsill.

"D-D-Disappear!" she squealed, hiding under her covers. She felt a soft hand grip her arm.

Just then, the sounds of hurried footsteps were heard, getting closer and closer...

The wizard rolled his eyes. "Alright, _enough_ of this!" he said, walking swiftly over to Yutaka's bed and forcefully pulling the covers off...

...only to find a pile of paper talismans, with unintelligible (to him) asian script on them.

Kagami giggled, even as she said: "Seriously, sis? That's the best you could think of?"

She them jumped out the window whence she came. The wizard tried looking out of the window, but it seems as if she disappeared. 'Disapparition?' he thought 'But she seems way too young... Plus, she used _muggle weapons_, there's _no way_ a wizard would stoop _that_ low!'.

Yutaka's family then burst in with the right amount of excessive pomp and circumstance to startle the magic-user.

"Yutaka! What's..."

They all stared at the bed, then at the wizard. Confused, he followed their gaze. What befell his eyes was the most scandalous sight that ever entered his view.

Instead of a pile of paper talismans on the bed, it was, instead, the very redhead he was searching for. But she wasn't cowering in a ball on her bed like expected, though. Instead, she was tied to the bedpost with a complex arrangement of ropes, with her pajamas open and showing off as much skin as is physically possible.

It was a magically-maintained illusion, of course. He could easily see through something like that, having encountered similar things back home.

"Eep! Help! Someone help meee! onee-chan!" screamed "Yutaka".

Unfortunately for him, however, her muggle family couldn't.

Looking on in horror, the person he assumed to be the young redhead's sister pointed an accusing finger at the wizard.

"_**PAEDOPHILE!**_"

* * *

><p>The sound of shuffling footsteps caught a royal guard's attention to the personal chambers of King Ixpellia. Normally, he would've ignored it, but given the incident that happened just soon after the arrival of of Lady Sakura to this world, she couldn't take any chances.<p>

Passing by a an extremely detailed gold statue of Honourary Advisor Kyoko Sakura, he stopped to admire it before continuing down the hall. As amazing as she was, which was _very_ ever since she punched a high-ranking bastard in the face and got away with it by punching out his guards and _then_ inventing the insanity defence solely to use it in court, she wasn't here anymore, so they had to be more vigilant.

He stepped into the royal corridor to find... Umm, nobody. There was, however, a cardboard box lying by the side of the corridor that wasn't there anymore.

Cautiously lifting the box, he found... nothing. Not taking any chances, he sweeped the entire hallway and even other nearby hallways.

Meanwhile, in the air vents, Kyoko Sakura was sweating heavily, thankful that the guard didn't notice a schoolgirl-sized red thing crawl into a nearby airvent and then hastily closing it.

Slowly crawling through the vents (She wouldn't want anyone looking into them, would we?), the redhead quietly dropped into the room, right next to the slumbering Ixpellia. "Ixy. Oi, Ixy, you awake?". She only got a shift in body posture in response.

"Look, princess, I need your body right now..." the redhead requested.

"Private or threesome, milady?" she muttered in her sleep. Kyoko rolled her eyes. "Now, now Ixy, you know as well as I do that we only do the lolicon stuff out of prying eyes. Besides, I don't really need your body _per se_. More like... moral support, I guess. And magic, definitely your magic. Sayaka's gonna murder me for this, but hey, it's not like she didn't hear about all the big, epic speeches about the planning fallacy. As you know:

_Be prepared! that's the boy scout's marching song,__  
><em>_Be prepared! as through life you march along.__  
><em>_Be prepared to hold your liquor pretty well,__  
><em>_Don't write naughty words on walls if you ca__n't spell_..."

"Oops, I said too much, didn't I?" she whispered.

Ixy giggled in her sleep.

"Now now, Ixy, I know you like being in a constant state of half-sleep and half-awake, but for now, I need you to go into _deep_ sleep. The guards will probably catch your giggling outside the palace walls if you don't..."

Ixy frowned, then pouted. While still appearing to be asleep.

"I guess we'll have to do this the hard way, then." Kyoko sighed, before taking out a pill. "Hey Ixy, you seem stressed, have a sweet mint!"

The younger girl opened her mouth in fervid anticipation, only for the "mint" to taste suspiciously like that weird sleeping potion Kyoko made her try once, and how... much more... drowsy... she sheeems to bsssshh...

ZZZzzzzzzzzz...

Grinning like the paedophile that she is, the redhead carried her over her shoulder and stealthily jumped out of an open window.

* * *

><p>A certain green-haired girl was walking home from school...<p>

*tap*...

"**Young girl**..."

*tap*, *tap*, *tap*...

"_**Young girl**__..._"

Minami turned around to see a white weasel-thing perched on top of a low wall. Minami twitched. She was pretty sure it was just a normal weasel, but she felt like those eyes bored into her very sense of being. It was rather unsettling.

What happened afterwards was more unsettling, though.

A young, redheaded girl probably around her age, appeared out of nowhere and grab the white-furred animal before it could fly away. She then _impaled_ the poor creature through a spear, and started to hang the spear over an open fire that she was sure wasn't there before, and picked up another that had all of it's fur presumably burnt off, and it's skin a meaty red. The girl then _bit_ into it, revealing that it still had blood inside.

The green-haired girl looked at her with a confused look of disgust and horror as she devoured the creature like a midday snack.

"Mmm, tasty..." she said, her spear reaching out to grab another white weasel thing and offer it to Minami raw. "Hey, wanna bite? Rare Kyubey is tasty, but raw Kyubey are even tastier, juicier _and_ they're _chewy_!" she said, with a cheeriness that unnerved the greenette greatly.

She ran away _immediately_.

"Figures. Turns out that girl didn't appreciate the wonders of the delicacy known as _Chewy Inchewbators_, after not even tasting it..." Kyoko mused disappointingly, taking yet another bite of Kyubey.

"I wonder if a less gory method might work, hmm..."

Running away as fast as her feet could carry her, Minami stopped and put her hands in front her knees. What the hell was that all about? That was just freaky. She needed to get inside the house, get a quick shower and get some shut-eye. Screw homework, she could always do that later.

Stepping out of the shower in a towel, the greenette closed the door to her room and started to-

"Hey, nice body you've got there..." remarked a scarily familiar voice from behind her. Minami very nearly shouted as she wrapped her towel around herself again and turned around quickly. Sitting on her windowsill was the red-haired girl from earlier, acting as if it was perfectly normal to barge into the rooms of teenage girls.

"Y-You..." Minami said, trying to keep her calm against an overwhelming wave of hysteria. "You're the one from earlier! What are you doing in my room?" she asked.

"Oh, you know, just stopping by..."

"Stopping by? It's not as if we know each other."

"Well, _I_ don't know you either, but you're friend here does..." she said, pointing to an empty space in the room.

Minami raised an eyebrow slightly. "I don't see anything there..." she said.

"Just wait..."

The space in midair glowed and shimmered, much to Minami's surprise, then the light slowly formed itself into the shape of Tsukasaa-san, which only shocked her even more.

"T-T-Tsu-Tsukasa-san?" the green-haired girl exclaimed.

The image of Tsukasa scratched the back of her head nervously. "Yeah, sorry for shocking you, Minami-san, but this is really urgent... Hmm, how do I start?"

"Well, you already showed her an astral projection on the spectrum of visible light, so why don't you start from there?" Kyoko suggested.

"Tsukasa" nooded. "Yes, umm, Minami-san, you might want to change now, "cause this might take a while..."

"Well, fine. But please get that pervert out of my room..." she said, pointing to Kyoko.

The red-haired girl rolled her eyes. "Sure, whatever floats your boat, moss-head..." she deadpanned, disappearing in a flash step that stunned Minami a little, though not as much as it would have been a few minutes ago.

"Ahem..." Tsukasa's image sounded, after Minami had changed to her casual clothes, as per her request. "Minami-chan... do you believe in magic?"

* * *

><p><strong>Magic Titan League Go!<strong>

**Is what the next chapter is called.**

* * *

><p><strong>I finally figured out the long-term format of this fic, by the way. Instead of chapterly adventures in different made-up situations like in previous chapters (which I suck ferre<strong>**ts at), instead, I'll set up arcs and collections of arcs set in different franchises (I already have story plans for arcs in the Fairy Tailverse, Gensokyo, The Marvelverse, Bikini Bottom, even the world of Hokuto No Ken, I want to set one in a Pretty Cure verse if I can find the time to watch one, etc.). There **_**will**_** be callbacks and returns to and maybe even new arcs in previous franchises visited (most likely because of new sequels), but the sagas themselves will be **_**mostly**_** self-contained, with the only constant being the power foursome of Sayaka, Kyoko, Tsukasa and Kagami (and maybe a few other companions I happe****n to like). So, in short, it'll be like Homestuck meets Doctor Who meets JoJo's Bizzare Adventure meets One Piece meets Kingdom Hearts. At least, that's how I'll mean it to me, reviews still matter, of course.**

**Speaking of reviews, **_**REVIEWS**_**. I know a lot of you readers are probably allergic to them or something, but it'll be really be helpful if any of you inform me about my writing strengths and weaknesses. That means every (constructive) review counts. So hold nothing back: was I too OOC, do you find my writing funny, is my pacing too slow, too fast, do I write good fight ****scenes, do I need a beta, is my prose stilted and yawn-inducing, that sorta thing. And don't even **_**think**_** about not reviewing. For every individual chapter view that I see that **_**doesn't**_** include a review, an innocent pony will **_**die**_**. So please review my humble story. If not for me, than do it for the ponies.**

**... ... ...**

**...**

**If you do, I'll give you a cookie!**


	9. Magic Titan League, Go!

**Yesshu! Double Update! Originally, this chapter and the last one was supposed to be one _very_ long chapter, but then I realised not a lot of people appreciate being forced to read chapters that are long enough to be stories in their own right. So yeah, I split it.**

* * *

><p>"<em>Greetings<em>, everyone! Not all of you may know why you're all needed here, or what's even going on, but rest assured that all will be explained in due time..." the blunette explained, starting up a powerpoint presentation with the words: "Magic Titan League: Surprise Orientation".

They were in a special room which the academy lent them, a chapel-sized auditorium stored inside a pocket universe, specifically built for the purpose of mass super-team briefings with subject matter of the highest confidentiality, where privacy is of utmost importance. Because that happens all the time, apparently.

"So, Sayaka-san, explain to me again _why_ we needed to have all these people here..." Kagami asked.

"I already said so, didn't I? We needed a good, specialised team to deal with the threat of an evil overlord and her ruthless clone army taking over our universe and more than a few others, who happen to be looking for 52 cards of great power, which happens to coincide with the rescue of half a city's innocent citizenry from total slavery that comes with being the prize of a deadly underground tournament. I can handle a few nation-wide threats with just me and Kyoko, but bigger threats need a bigger response!"

"Then why does our 'team' contain three preteen schoolgirl Calculators that haven't even been in a life-or-death situation in their lives, a wandwitch that never fired a spell in her life and didn't even know about the existence of magic until now, said wandwitch's completely normal friend that happens to have what our enemies are looking for inside of her, and, if you weren't lying to me before, an amnesiac loli nun/walking magical library that's being _hunted down_ by our _enemies_ too!"

"..."

"You just wanted to head your own ragtag bunch of misfits like some lame JRPG hero, didn't you, Sayaka-san?" Kagami deadpanned.

"... It's all part of my master plan, don't worry..." Sayaka answered sheepishly, twidling her thumbs like some shy anime girl. Kyoko shook her head on mock disappointment.

"Hey, say what you want about my task force recruiting practices, but at least I don't drug and tie up little children!" the blunette said in response to the purplette's head shaking.

"Then what about _her_?" Kagami asked, pointing to a drugged and tied up form of the Dark Ruler Ixpellia. That is, her alternate universe version created by a certain redhead's meddling.

Olive and Klaus looked visibly taken aback. Vivio gasped. "Ixy?".

Sayaka stared down the redhead. "What? We have Olive and Klaus on our side, I just thought it'd be a good idea to complete the Stupid Sexy Belkan Threesome!" Kyoko explained, clearly not endearing herself to the blunette in front of her. She was punted across the room.

"Still..." Sayaka pondered, cradling her knuckle as she did so. "With her consent, her abilities might prove quite useful, with the right precautions... Though we'll have to drop her back home the _moment_ she says no. And have her guards beat up on you after the fact..."

"Haha, see? I knew common sense will get to you at the end!" shouted a strained, but triumphant voice from the other side of the room.

Sayaka went over to silence her for the rest of the meeting. Physically and painfully. Everyone else winced and sweatdropped.

A side entrance suddenly opened and in came four girls, around twelve to fouteen in age, two of which were pinkheads, one of which had hair of some blue-ish shade, and another which had grey hair, despite her apparent age. Vivio looked at one of the pinkettes, who had her hair up in twintails, and was wearing a rather loose fitting brown robe with sleeves that covered her hands.

The _**other**_ pinkette had dirty pink hair that she let loose, wearing a pink, yet hardcore looking bandana on her head and wearing what appeared to be pink warpaint on her cheeks (Think the Inuzuka clan from Naruto). Her clothes also had designs in military camo, except it was shaded in pink instead of green. To Vivio, it was as if Caro had gone rogue after watching way too many Rambo movies.

"Oh, hi guys! Sorry we're late. Kirsten-chan here wasn't exactly skilled with tea and cookies. Anywayyy... here are the Puella Magi who asked us for help, Sayaka-san." the pinkette in ponytails said, pushing the rougher looking pink-haired girl and the grey-haired girl in front of her.

The pinkette bowed first. "Kario Rulushe at your service, Ma'am...". Vivio raised an eyebrow at the name.

The greyette bowed next, and much deeper. "It is such an honour to work with someone as legendary as the Great Hero of Justice, Sayaka Miki." she said.

"Hey, whatabout meee..." slurred a familiar voice from a far corner of the room.

"Damn you, I thought I silenced you already!" Sayaka said as she stomped towards the repeat offender.

"F*ck you Sayaka, F*ck yooouaaaaaaaarrrrghh!"

Trying to ignore the one-woman genocide that was happening a mere few feet away, Charlotte glared at Corona with a measured gaze, before happily grabbing and shaking the unnerved girl's hand. "Might you be? No, you _must_ be Vivio Takamachi, I'm sure! And _you_ must be her best friend and rival, Einhart Stratos!" she said, looking at Rio. She then proceded to hug both misidentified girls until the colour of their skin gave out. "Aww, you two are so cute! I guess that's why you're worshipped so much, amirite, amirite!" she blabbered out, all the while everyone in the know sweatdropped.

Kirsten walked up to Charlotte and pulled one of her ponytails back and forth. "Charlotte! Earth to Charlotte! Come in, Charlotte!" she said, making the delusional pinkette drop both children by surprise. Charlotte immediately turned to her friend and pouted. "Hey, why'd you have to do that! I was this close to cooping a feel of their assets, you know!" she whined, squeezing her thumb and pointer together to make her point.

Upon hearing this statement, the two lolis slowly backed away from the self-admitted child molester.

"Hello, Charlotte? _She's_ Vivio, not the silver-haired girl." the aqua-haired girl said, pointing to the actual Vivio. The pinkette looked down at her. Sure, she herself looked relatively young, being around twelve-to-fourteen years old at the time of her ascension, but the blonde was even younger than her, and therefore one head shorter. She examined the girl, with her golden blonde her and her exotic multi-coloured eyes, before snatching her up like a kidnapper and squeezing like a teddy bear. "Wow, you're cute too!" she squealed. "Well, not as cute as those other two, but I guess one can't have everything... By the way..." the pinkette lowered a hand to the blonde's backside, causing her to "_Eep!_". Not inside her clothes, though, that would be too creepy. "Mmmm, nice and soft..." she murmured "Hey, this could be the inspiration for my new dessert recipe! Cute and soft, it's the Special Sankt Kaiser Lemon Plush Muffin!" she squealed. Kirsten sweatdropped.

"By the way, could you switch over to your adult form too? It's not everyday that I get to-_BWUH! Hey_, that _hurt_!" shouted Charlotte, having just been reminded that kicks to a lady's taco hurts just as much as kicks to a man's meatballs. The blonde quickly ran to her buddies as everyone that wasn't getting beaten up sweatdropped even more.

"Okay Charlotte-chan, it's time to put away those paedophilic urges for the moment, those can wait until later." Kirsten lectured, pulling Charlotte along to a pair of seats at the front row.

"B-Bu-Bu-But _lolis_!" Charlotte pleaded, looking longingly at Vivio and friends, who were now trying to get as much distance from her as is humanely possible. Kirsten sighed and looked at Sayaka, who had just finished choking Kyoko with a foldable chair that was on fire and was now dragging her along with her. "You too, huh?" the blunette said sympathetically, to which Kirsten nodded tiredly. The non-pink-haired half of the duo held Charlotte in a full nelson right after she noticed the pinkette making eyes at Yutaka and friend.

Just as Sayaka reached the podium and was about to start speaking, a sudden explosion rocked the room, knocking over multiple chairs in the process.

"What is it now!" Kagami shouted.

"Oh god, not another one..." Sayaka muttered, holding a palm to her head.

"Whoah... Why is every so _wooozy_?" slurred a young girl's voice from where the explosion came from, near the front row. The blunette rushed over and steadied her before she could fall over.

As the newcomer was eased into a non-overturned chair, she began to speak in a mumbled daze. "Uhh, I was just training in some out-of-the-way training area, and then _lights_..."

"Calm down, you were just sent here by a magic accident, that's all." reassured Sayaka, who could think of nothing else to say but the truth. The girl nodded, the shock of her sudden teleportation probably affecting her sense of logic and reasoning circuits.

"First, though..." the blue-haired girl started, "What's your name?"

"M-Miura..." the girl stuttered. "Miura Rinaldi". She blinked. "Where am I?"

* * *

><p>Yutaka woke up to the lovely smell of... musty old books?<p>

Huh, that wasn't right. Unless she fell asleep in a library, which she was sure didn't happen.

She felt a stirring beside her, so the redhead turned to see beside her... her best friend Minami?

This was all too weird.

* * *

><p>'Okay, note to self, don't let Kyoko near any freaked-out kids. Mental scarring is an <em>unneeded risk<em>.' Sayaka thought to herself as she walked a weeping little girl.

"Excuse me, little miss, you're _**not**_ going to be stuck here forever, little miss." interrupted Sayaka.

"*wipes off tears* Huh?"

"It may take a while, but we can you home, _promise_." the blunette reassured her.

"But, butbut..."

"It's because you _**can't get a joke,**__ dumbass_..." growled Kyoko from behind her. Miura squealed and kicked her through the wall, creating yet another gaping hole in the room and causing the redhead to fall into the dimensional sea.

"Why meeeeeeeee..." the falling redhead moaned.

Sayaka just rolled her eyes. "Wait here, I'll just get our little jerkass over there and maybe pick up one last person I forgot before we start preparing." she said in a matter-of-fact way, having tied herself to some enchanted rope, tied the rope around a chair with a magic circle of immobilisation around it, and busily rappelled down into the dimensional void like she'd done this hundreds of times already.

Everyone else just looked at one another.

Kirsten went and approached Vivio's group, pulling Charlotte with her. "Erm, sorry for my little friend here's behavior, she's kinda loses control of herself when encountering cute little girls... " she said, pulling Charlotte close and rubbing her fist into her scalp. "H-Hey!" Charlotte complained.

"Ah, I think it's alright..." the blonde said hesitantly. "I'm Vivio Takamachi, by the way. Though I think you already know that."

"Yeah, hi. My name's Kirsten Kracker by the way, self proclaimed techno-mage!" she said, holding up a magically-conjured holographic screen that revealed a connected web browser. "And my lovely pink-haired friend here is Charlotte Candy. Say hello, Charlotte!"

"Nice day to you too, delicious creampuffs." the pinkette said, causing Vivio to suddenly make a fighting stance.

"Ermm... Ah, I know! Here!" she said, conjuring a bag of candy from thin air and giving it to the blonde.

"Ummm, mama says that I shouldn't accept candy from strangers..." she responded.

"Wait a minute, is this... rock candy?". Corona reached inside and took out a stick with candy crystals on it. "Oh my Kaiser, Vivio, this isn't just any rock candy, this is _Wonka_-brand rock candy! Stuff like this goes for a few hundred apiece!" she said exitedly, before turning to Charlotte with a serious expression on her face.

"Can I..."

Charlotte slowly nodded. "The rest of the candy in the bag, I created out of thin air, that's my power. I'm called the dessert witch, after all... However, that stck of rock candy you have there even _I'm_ not brilliant enough to copy Willy Wonka's confectionary genius, so that stick is 100% genuine. _Enjoy _it, my friend, for you may never taste one again..."

Grinning like a kid that just walked into a candy shop, the 10-year old popped the candy into her mouth and fell over with a very suggestive moan a few seconds afterwards.

"Ah, Corona-chan!"

"I swear, I think you just taste-raped the poor girl with delicious candy, I can feel it..." remarked a very amused Kagami-chan, walking up to them.

"Geez, Corona-chan, I didn't know you were into such things..." remarked Rio.

This day, Vivio learnt something new about her long-time friend.

Just then, Kirsten eyes darted in a different direction while Charlotte went to be friendly and greet Miura (for a certain value of "friendly" and "greet"). "Oh my God, is _that_, it _is_. Hey, could you two sign my autograph! I've your number one _fan_! I've read all about you two!" she said, rushing over to someplace.

Olive sighed. Kyoko had warned her about such creatures, mindless fanatics that would pounce upon the object of their desires and rip all those opposed into shreds, all the while making that hellish squealing noise that would alert one to their presence...

A fangirl.

* * *

><p>After about half an hour of random finagling, Sayaka returned, this time with a Kyoko over one shoulder and a strange white-haired little girl in white nun robes, fast asleep. She also had a body-sized bag hanging from her right hand that was full. She piled all three person-sized cargo in a close corner of the room.<p>

"Oookay, now that all the distractions are done and dealt with, let me explain the reason you're here, who our is, and go over the plan I have in mind..." she said, setting down the nun-girl on two chairs laid side-by-side.

An hour or two later, Sayaka finished her briefing, detailing plans, backup plans, info on the opponents they would most likely face, as well as beating up Kyoko more for being reaching an annoyance level beyond the quantum level. The plan was simple. Kyoko and a few other girls are gonna enter the tournament. It's going to primarily be a distraction, as the rest of them are going to do some other things that won't be spoiled here. However, doing so is very risky, so if Sayaka and co. fail, it's up to Kyoko's team to salvage the situation, most likely by just winning the tournament outright.

Near the end, Vivio raised her hand.

"Umm, Sayaka-san, what about us?"

"You? Oh, you three, Miura Tsukasa and Kagami can sit back and relax while we try and rescue half of your city from total enslavement. We don't really expect you to contribute. It's not like you're all experienced in this or anything." the blunette asked.

The blonde looked at her intently.

...

"You all want to take part too, don't you?" Sayaka deadpanned.

The four Mid-Childans just nodded.

Sayaka sighed. She'd been partly expecting this kind of action from them. A lot of the higher-level mages from their cluster was known for their pro-activeness. Still, it won't hurt to modify their expectations a bit.

"Vivio, before you go and do anything rash, may I ask for a spar? You, your friends, and Miura-san as well."

The blonde blinked. "Huh, right now?"

The blunette nodded. "That's right, right here, right now..." she said, walking over to a medium-sized clearing in the floor, free from any debris. She clapped her hands. "Even better, you get to take me all at once! A four-on-one battle, c'mon!" she said. The girls seemed to be a little weirded out by the request, but they complied.

"Umm, Sayaka-san, aren't you gonna transform or something?" asked Vivio, who noticed that the blunette was still in her blue jacket and blue pants.

"Oh, transforming? Why would I need to do that? I can beat you all bare-handed!" she said, adopting a mock boxing stance.

This statement seemed to set Rio off, as she was rushing way ahead of the others to try and land a hit on. She lauched a fiery kick aimed to the face, only for the blunette to dodge with ease to the side. She then proceded to reach out and pull out a strand of hair from the dark-haired girl's scalp. "Hey! That _hurt_!" the girl complained, turning around, only to find that Sayaka wasn't behind her. Instead, what was behind her was a giant, multicoloured beam of magic, that was heading right towards her...

***BAM!***

"Ah, sorry, Rio-chan, I was aiming for Sayaka-san, but she dodged and-*_gah!_*" the blonde barely stopped a punch from behind with an open fist.

"I haven't even used any magic yet, hell, I'd bet Batman would beat you all senseless within a minute... Of couse, it would be incredibly unfair 'cause he's a grown man and you four are all kids!"

"Aww, Sayaka-san, would you go so far as to insult The Dark Knight?" Kyoko added. "I'd bet he'd turn them into gibbering hunks of meat under _ten_ seconds!"

"_Five_!"

"_One_!"

The two Puella Magi stared at each other intently.

"_**STOP MOCKING US GODDAMMIT!**_" Rio screamed, launching herself at Sayaka while supported by a giant golem, presumably Corona's.

Stepping back and pushing Vivio into the line of attack, Sayaka jumped away and took out an unimpressive looking staff, which quickly turned out to be not so much as she swung it in an arc and grounded all three in the head at once. The golem also somehow collapsed after touching the tip of the staff.

Corona tried to charge her while distracted, calling up yet another golem. Not only did the golem collapse upon touching the staff, she got hit by it as well, gitting hit in the stomach, then the forehead. As she was getting hit, she noticed that the hits were more painful than was supposed to be, almost as if she wasn't wearing a barrier jacket... hold on.

Falling down, the silver-haired girl checked herself. She didn't feel any magic active pumping through her, she was wearing the same civilian clothes she wore when she first appeared here. Most pressingly, there were bruises on her stomach.

This Sayaka must either be ridiculously strong, or she found a way to negate magical protection completely.

"This staff has it's tips covered in what it's creator's inhabitants call "Sea-Prism Stone". It has the ability to turn off and render magic ineffective at touch." Sayaka remarked, pinning the staff around casually. "The makers and native users of these types of weapons explain this property by claiming Seastone emits "a wavelength that is the same as the sea itself", in which by that he means that he means that this staff has extremely concentrated anti-magic properties, which the sea of their world also has.". As the blunette as expositing, Corona saw Rio getting up and trying to sneak up behind Sayaka. The silvette tried to suppress a smirk.

"But this thing isn't going for cheap anywhere anyway. It goes for a few hundred apiece on the magic market, and I only got this as a reward to helping to capture some pirates. Of course, you must be pretty pissed, since I bet you expected a magical battle and ended up with a normal girl beating you up... " she said, as the dark-haired girl stopped just behind the blunette.

"Now, if you wanted to see something a _really_ magical..."

The blunette pulled out the strand of hair she pulled out of Rio's scalp, and _pulled_.

The girl's fist stopped mere inches from the blunette's head.

The girl made a frightened squeak as her body froze in a rather strained position, complete with a strained face.

"Corona-chan, have you ever heard of sympathetic magic before?" the blunette asked the now shocked sh*tless girl. "I bet you have, it's a very basic form of magic." she continued, willing the dual-element mage to move towards Miura.

"No!" the blonde shouted. "Kris, set up again! Huh!"

"Don't bother trying, I already tampered with your device to interfere with it's calculation processes. Being essentially magical computers, and since I haven't wated my time just dilly-dallying around in heaven, it was rather easy to insert an additional factor that interferes with the normally precise magical add a factor here, an added value there, an irrational number out of place, and everything goes _crazy_..."

Looking more carefully, the blonde spotted a metal bug embedded into her plushie somehow, presumably the interfering trinket. She was only able to damage it's outer shell, but can't risk pulling it out for fear of further damage.

The silver-haired girl gulped. "Well, I have read about them here and there, but I've never read about sympathetic magic being used that way before. What are you trying to prove, anyway?" she asked.

The blunette narrowed her eyes. "I'm showing you that you can't rush ahead willy-nilly. Most of the people there, let alone magic-users, will push the limits of being a "mage", with some having access to powers and equipment you will probably never see coming.

Golem meister, I've seen and heard of things and beings that were mainly thought impossible. I've seen little children able to end universes with a thought; I've seen royalty cause _genocide_ on an inter-planetary scale because of a hissy fit; I've seen giant beasts crush entire cities and take down entire armies, magical _and_ non-magical; I've seen a single goddamn space marine take on the hordes of hell and _win_; I've seen immortals twist the fabric of time and space with a few nice words and a screwdriver; I've seen street punks with little more than fists and attitude, take down _deities_; I've seen normal men and women with perfectly normal smoke bombs and boomerangs take down enemies and even _gods_ on par or even deadlier than the best magic-users on your world, Vivio-chan.

Look, everyone, once you get to a high enough level, labels like "impossible" and "unbelievable" stop applying. Once you get to a high enough level, the analogy stops being "you are a martial artist, and magic is your limbs", and becomes more like "You are an artist, reality is your canvas, and magic is your paint, brush and pallete. The first rule of magic, is that there _are_ no concrete rules to magic. Well, there _are_, just not permanent rules, if that's what your thinking. Once you get to a high enough level, you cease to work under the rules of magic. Instead, you make the magic work for _you_. If you expect something so ethereal to follow a concrete and unchanging set of rules, then you, my good lady, are sorely mistaken. Magic follows the rules that amuse it's borderline inscrutable mind the most, and will not hesitate to start decreeing that mages on your world should dance the cha-cha to get anything done magically if it feels like it. Luckily for you, magic is rather lazy, so it's usually happy to sit back and let the rules shift slowly (most of the time, at least).

But it's not just magic itself, oh no, there are many, _many_, _**many**_ non-mages that are just as deadly, if not moreso, than mages like us. Magic isn't all-powerful. Just because you can use magic and your adversaries can't, doesn't give you an excuse to get all uppity and complacent. I've seen the downfall of many a magic-user because of that misplaced pride..." she shuddered, clearly remembering something that she rather wouldn't...

"Basically, you're telling us that we're _helpless_!"

Sayaka considered this for a moment. "Well, not exactly. But if you really are serious about entering, you might not handle the training required.I've seen a lot of hot-blooded fighters break down in tears after a whole week of nothing but mindless training with the intensity of riddling a dying man with bullets and then dangling him over an active volcano... Yeah, that's a pretty apt metaphor. So, girls, do you still want to fight?"

The air was silent with contemplation, with the only sound being the soft breathing of Index Librorum Prohibitorum...

The dark-haired one regarded Sayaka for a long moment, then sighed and cracked her neck.

"Fine, even if it means permanent mental scarring and trekking through the ninth circle of hell, I'll still wanna help whenever I can!"

"Eh, Rio-san!"

The blunette raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure? There's a slight chance you might die..."

"I don't care..."

"...and I don't expect any of the fighters to show you mercy on account of your age... "

The dark-haired girl's eyes flashed a deadly glare her friends had never seen on her face before, making them step back slightly.

"I don't care who I have to fight...

If they rip my arms out, I'll kick them to death!

If they rip my legs off, I'll bite them to death!

If they rip my head off, I'll _stare_ them to death!

And if they gouge out my eyes, I'll _curse_ them from beyond the grave!

Even if I'm torn to shreds, I'm gonna save them all no matter what!

I won't do something so audacious as to _die_ when I'm saving the ones I love!"

The dark-haired girl narrowed her eyes at Sayaka. "I saw my family being advertised in there like some kind of luxury item. No, not even that, like some _cheap lottery prize_. How am I going to even live with myself if I just stood out there twiddling my thumbs like an idiot!"

Sayaka just nodded in understanding.

"Umm... I'll go with Rio-san as well!" Miura said, running up beside her. "I saw my two sensei-tachi captured as well. As dangerous as entering is, wouldn't do to just sit back and wait!". She smiled. "Besides, more fighting means more practice!" she said, performing several basic katas enthusiastically. "And against different types of opponents too..." she muttered to herself.

"*sigh* Guess I have no choice, do I? I have to go with you, lest you do something stupid, eh, dobe?" Corona sighed, walking over to Rio's side.

"Hey! Just because I got lower grades than you doesn't mean I'm dead last! The fact that I can kick your ass three-out-of-four times _proves_ it!" the dark-haired girl raged with the fiery power of a thousand burning suns. With lightning storms.

Kagami looked at Sayaka. "Hey, so about the rules of this so-called tournament..."

Sayaka sighed. "Fights are won by submission, or if the loser is declared "_unable to fight_" by the judges. You won't be disqualified for killing your opponent, however it is highly looked down upon and your reward, if you do make it past the finals, will be reduced by more than half, with the remainder of the prize going to the fighter who advanced the most in the tournament _without_ killing. Contestants who kill will also be set up against other killers."

"Well, if thats the case... I think I can let Tsu-chan participate too..." mused the purple-haired girl, who proceded to nod at her sister, who walked over to Rio's side.

Looking at her friends, Vivio sighed and walked over to her friend's side. "Where you're going, I'm going too." she said with conviction.

Kyoko clapped her hands in glee. "Great! We originally planned for only me, Charlotte-chan and Kirsten-chan to join the tournament, but it seems we can all kick Kenyan ass together now!" she said cheerfully, earning her glares.

"What?" Kyoko asked. "A rogue tax collector and his band of merry thugs ambushed me and stole my Pocky while I was in a vacation in Kenya! From then on, Kenyans were on my sh*t list, lady..." Kyoko said.

"Great, seems like I have a a violent street thug with a grudge against Africa who kidnaps little girls for a partner. What's next, do you like doing things to animals when lonely and horny?"

"That was only that one time and you _**know it**_, blueberry head! ... crap."

* * *

><p>Ms. Fate T. Harlaown and her trusty aide followed the mysterious hooded man through the back-streets of Cranagan, rushing from corner to corner as he desceded down the streets and narrow alleyways of a portion of the city long abandoned, resided by the homeless, the poor, and the ever-present criminal element. She couldn't quite believe the existence of slums in a city as modern and as advanced as this, but it was probably just childish wishful thinking on her part.<p>

She looked out from the corner to see him continuing towards what is, by all appearences, a dead end. She looked around, there were no other alleyways branching off this one, and even if there were, he was pretty clearly walking into the wall in front of him...

Then, he was gone. No, it was not teleportation, nor was it probably an illusion. The man had quite literally walked _into_ the wall. His entrance created ripples on the surface of the wall, as if it was like the surface of a lake.

"By the Kaiser..." Fate heard her aide mutter.

The blonde carefully walked over to the wall. Readings from her device show that this wall was some barrier of some kind, one that only allows magic-users in. Something like that, at least. Her device, and by extension, the scientists back at base, barely made sense of the data. It's was like the type of magic used to create this barrier was totally alien to most known styles of magic. But that can't be true, right? The TSAB has a database of over a thousand different magic styles, and this barrier was _right inside_ their capital. There was _no way_ they couldn't _at least_ detect that there _was_ a magic barrier, could they? Touching it, she felt her hand go through briefly, before pulling it back. It felt like putting a hand into lukewarm water, except vertically. Stepping back, she wondered if going inside after him was the best option for now...

Sighing, the blonde Enforcer started setting up a teleportation spell back to her to her headquarters, then left the spell three-quarters of the way done and left it in her device for an emergency escape, asking Teana to do the same.

Taking in a deep breath, they went and stepped inside

Looking back, she saw a person-sized painting that depicted an alleyway very much like that through which they just walked through, which was apparently where her and Teana walked out from. They just walked though... a painting? Fate leaned closer to inspect it, touching the painting slightly with the tip of her device. The surface rippled slightly, as if she was touching the surface of a body of water... weird...

Turning back into the crowd, Fate and Teana tried to blend in, pulling her hood over her head even more as not to be recognised as one of the three Aces, walking alongside her trusty aide.

Pushing through the crowd, she saw that it was like a giant, fantastical marketplace. The people, both behind and walking in front of the stalls, dressed in a variety of fashions, from modern, sensible jeans and t-shirts to victorian-era top hats and dresses to medieval-age style tunics to chain and platemail to stereotypical wizard's robe and pointy hats to shaolin monk getups to zoot suits and hilariously oversized afros to outrageous anime cosplay to even near-total nudity. To sum it up, they felt like they've just walked into an anime and sci-fi cosplay convention merged with a medieval and rennaissance reenactment fair that happened to stumble upon a movie studio in shooting meets pure insanity. Meets Hayate's cosplay wet dream too, she guessed.

The stalls themselves were equally colourful. They claimed to sell everything from ambrosia-on-a-stick, to glass balls for scrying, enchanted cauldrons, enchanted firearms, magical shapeshifters as pets, mass-based weapons light-years ahead that of probably even the TSAB's understanding, guns that make portals, guns that lift things by controlling gravity, healing guns, superpower transplants, bottled souls, talking skulls, walking luggage (that doubles as a personal bodyguard, apparently), marbles that warp reality, brooms (both for flying _and_ for sweeping), equipment for a game called "Quidditch", high-quality caviar, and Guy Fawkes masks. It was like those marketplaces you would find in places like Africa of the Middle East, if one just so happened to experience a drug-and-alcohol-induced hallucination while browsing the stalls.

Looking around, she tried to spot any interesting landmark or establishment that people might gather around. A bar, a public square, _anything_...

"Over there, Fate, that's somewhere promising." Teana said, pointing towards an old-timey tavern between a magical rock emporium and a cafe named "A Hard Place". The tavern was two stories high, and it seemed well-occupied on both floors, judging from the light, movement, and laughter coming from the windows. Most tellingly of all, there was a giant banner advertising the betting and live airing of a tournament of some sort, presumably a big and eventful one since there was a lot of people flooding into the building, though the blonde had cartainly never heard of the "Kenyan Running and Senseless Violence Tournament" before. Then again, she wasn't into those kind of things, so...

The blonde Enforcer nodded and grabbed Teana's hand. "C'mon, let's go."

The inside was not as crowded on the inside as it seemed on the outside, having just enough space to freely wander around the building. Remembering the size of the building as seen from the outside, Fate suddenly realised why it was so. It was bigger on the inside than the outside. Sitting down at the bar, Fate left Teana to her own devices, telling her to look out for anything suspicious on the first floor while she went to investigate the second.

Fate left. Ordering a simple, non-alcoholic drink to blend in and trying to look as casual as she can without taking the risk of getting drunk out of her mind, the orange-haired girl quietly looked around the room with as little head movement as physically possible.

* * *

><p>"<em>Okay then!<em>" yelled Kyoko as she thrusted a spear into the ground. "Before we begin, do any of you brats have any questions?"

Miura raised her hand.

The redhead pointed her spear at her. "This had better be good. The hate I have for people wasting my time is second only to my hate of people wasting food." she muttered, barely hiding the threat of total bodily female castration beneath.

The pink-haired martial artist gulped. "Umm, Kyoko-san, why are the others not here with us?" she asked.

"Oh, them..." the redhead chuckled, pulling her spear back. "Well, their specialties aren't exactly hands-and-legs melee oriented, so they wouldn't gain much if they suffered through my training regime!" she said giddily.

"Oh..."

"Hmm, is that all, then? Well then, let's show those hacks the _Power of __**YOOOOOOOOOOUUTTTHH**__!_" she screamed, having somehow changed into green spandex mid-speech while they weren't looking, and was now jogging off into the sunset. Everyone else sweatdropped.

"Oh right!" Kyoko said, quickly dashing back to them in less than a second after she had run over the visible horizon. Before they could all ponder how in the hell did she do that, the redhead pulled out an entire rack of eye-searingly green spandex suits like the one she was wearing now. "Before we start, I'd like you all to wear these extremely unfashionable green spandex suits. They're tacky, but you all are manly girls, I bet you could take it!" she cheerily said.

"Umm..."

*three minutes worth of lolis getting changed...*

A few minutes later, they were all changed. Other than that, the one new thing on their side of the training grounds was a pink-haired and very unconscious Charlotte, who had blood leaking from her nose and a massive lump on her forehead. Kyoko pulled a bloody-red spear with rope tied at one end, threw it at Charlotte and reeled her in, shouting "Get over here!", then she swung Charlotte around like a lasoo before tossing her over the horizon. A giant pink mushroom cloud then appeared over the horizon.

"Umm, Kyoko-san..."

"_Kyoko-sensei_"

"_**Kyoko-sensei**_, don't you think that was a little too harsh?" Vivio asked.

"Why, Vivio-chan, I didn't know you were such a _sadist_..." Kyoko answered, deliberately mishearing them. "If you think I was going too light on them, then would it be alright for me to be ten times harsher on you..." she said, grinning maniacally and in a tone of voice that left no objections (because if they did object, they'll probably get crucified as part of their training or something).

All the other girls present gulped.

"Hmm, what am I forgetting... _Oh right!_" Taking out a box of candy (with the cover saying "V***scratched off part***ka Chewies"), she gave a piece each to each of the girls.

"What is this?" Vivio asked.

"Special training medicine, maybe?" Miura added. She looked up at Kyoko. "Go on, try it." she said. "It may taste a little bad, but I've seen a _certain people_ power up when consuming this candy. I'm just testing my suspicions, that's all".

Corona looked at the candy intently. "But what happens if we _don't_ power up?"

Rio shivered. "This isn't some kind of super-candy filled with super-serum that makes your body blow up when it can't handle the strain, isn't it?"

Kyoko rolled her eyes. "_Re_-_lax_, nothing's gonna happen if nothing's _meant_ to happen, so just shut up and swallow the damn things."

Looking at each other, the girls sighed and swallowed the damn candies.

[BGM: Beautiful Green Wild Beast]

Meanwhile, a few hundred miles away, an explosion is heard , and Sayaka looks over to the horizon to see a mushroom cloud forming and a _very_ enthusiastic voice screaming "_**HAHAHAHHAHA, YYOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUTTHH!**_" at the top of her lungs. Shaking, Corona turned to look at the blunette. "Um, Sayaka-san, what was that?".

Charlotte, who was right next to her, waved her hands dismissively. "Oh, you don't need to get your sweetcakes in such a bunch, sweetheart! Kyoko-chan is a good girl!"

"Indeed, Kyoko-san was widely known in the place where me, Karo-san, Charlotte-san and Kirsten-san come from as being... impulsive, but rather pleasant when one gets to know her." added the quiet grey-haired girl. What was her name again? Athena?

"Legend says she once reacted to finding a Nazi Mahou Shoujo that picked on the Jewish girls by pitching the bully into a pit of pure acid!" Kirsten, the dark-blunette **(cyan was the wrong word, ****I'll correct it as soon as I can)** Mahou Shoujo cheerily said.

"Umm, ah, don't worry. No matter how extreme she is in his methods, Kyoko-chan won't seriously injure or maim people who don't deserve it and/or can't easily recover from it..." Sayaka tried to reassure her.

For some reason, this did not make her fear any less for her friend's lives.

"And as for question, I don't know for sure myself, but I'm sure a contained explosion like that could've only been done by a single strong mage (or bomb). As for whom, well, given our dear friend's maniacal laughter over there, I bet it was one of your little- wait... Corona, did you or any of your friends try alcohol, even accidentally, before?" she asked, her voice suddenly shifting.

"Well, no. Young girls like us aren't supposed to drink alcohol yet..." she said, nervously shuffling her feet.

"Hmm, well, it's either Kyoko's going overboard with the training, which I wouldn't hold it past her to do, orrr..."

"Or?"

"She just found another Lee..."

"Who?"

"Oh, nothing, just reminiscing..."

Another, more menacing voice made itself known. "Okay girls, it's training time!" Kario said cheerily, which only meant that they were about to inflict and ninth circle of hell on them. Nearby, Tsukasa was tied horizontally to a long stick held in midair by stands, looking a lot like a pig about to get roasted over an open fire, except instead of fire, she's hanging over a dark pit.

"Umm, guys, why am I tied to this?" she asked. "This is unsettling..."

"It's is merely a little bit of _mental conditioning_." Athena responded in a tone most monotone, pulling out a lighter.

* * *

><p>As a certain blonde walked up spiral staircase to the building's second floor, she went over what she knows so far. They were currently in a magical barrier of an unknown system of magic, inside a place that, as far as she knows, the TSAB had never step foot in and didn't even know the existence of until a mere <em>hour<em> before, and the place was selling and showing things that were either supposed to be top secret, or completely unknown, and one of the analysts and mission briefers even made her suspicions known that they might be coming in contact with a magical civilisation just as or maybe even _more_ advanced than the one the TSAB protects. Great.

If that was the case, then having someone snooping in would _not _be appreciated. At all. In fact, if her gut feelings were correct, not even her status as an Ace (both in magical power and prestige), would probably not be enough to keep her totally safe out here.

But if anyone or anything here had something to do with the disappearance of her daughter, her friends, and the thousands of innocents currently missing on her home planet, she _had_ to know. Steeling herself, she sat down at an unoccupied seat in a corner, trying to make herself as unnoticeable as possible.

* * *

><p>Sayaka stepped out of the shade of a tree in the training room, which was part barren wasteland and part wild forest.<p>

"Huh? Oh, hi, Sayaka-san..." replied a noticeably down Corona, who was sitting on a flat boulder.

"Sooo..." the blunette trailed off. "You summon golems, huh?"

"Yeah, but why are you asking? You already saw it in action during your "match" with me and my friends, there's very little for me to surprise you with anymore..."

The blunette frowned. "Okay, let's cut the crap, shall we?" she said, cracking her knuckles. "Something is bothering you, what is it?" she said, in a tone of voice that made half-hearted answers unwelcome.

The silver-haired mage blinked, then looked at her own outstretched arms. "I don't know, but I feel... weak somehow... like I feel like I'm nothing more than playing second banana to my friends..."

The blunette tilted her head in mock confusion. "Weak? But you can summon a _giant golem_, for crying out loud! I bet none of your other friends can do _that_, can they. Hell, I have _no_ talent in the art of spontaneous magical construction, and I'm known as a hero around these parts!" she said cheerily.

The silvette giggled. "I guess, but a lot of times, a lot of my sparring partners seem to have an almost unfairly easy time destroying it when they can get past it's 's like my golem creations are powerful cannons... made of glass..."

The blunette raised an eyebrow. "Don't you have any other tricks up your sleeve aside from the giant golem?"

"Well, I can absorb a golem's strength and power into myself, though it's mostly relies on the element of surprise. Superior technique will almost always beat brute force, that's what our coach told us, at least..."

"Well, for all the wisdom displayed by your trainer, I was surprised she didn't tell you to try and expand your moveset. You may not realise this, but your ability actually has far, far, _far_ more potential than simply creating golems. Golems are useful in the right situations, but they aren't a be-all-end-all tactic in battle. Using golems has many weaknesses. Using earth _itself_ as a weapon, though, doesn't have a lot."

The silvette turned towards her. "And what would you know about such matters? You said it yourself, you don't have any experience in this kind of magic."

Sayaka cracked a smile. "No, but I know a few people...". She immediately took on a more serious face. "Corona-san, in order to become stronger, you must get out of the shell of being a _Golem Summoner_, and become an _Earth Manipulator_ instead."

Corona gulped. "You're planning to teach me something, aren't you?".

"You're very perceptive. Rejoice, Earthmeister, for I'm going to show you the techniques of one of the most feared and yet loved of earth mages... But it's your choice, Corona-chan. These techniques require a level of control beyond your current ability. You can either stick with your tried-and-tested golem creation style, or you could take the harder, but more rewarding path. What's your choice?".

The young girl nodded. "I'll do anything to help my friends, so please teach me, Sayaka-sensei!".

Sayaka smiled. "First off, let me tell you the name of the original user of these techniques, I heard it improves concentration...". The silvette nodded with determination on her face.

She knelt down to Corona's level.

"Very well, his name... was Gaara of the Sands..."

* * *

><p>A sword cuts through a bamboo pole like it was nothing, the top half sent flying into the air.<p>

Two swords slice the flying piece of bamboo, separating it into three more pieces.

"Yo, I've still got it! Me, the Killer Bee! Goin' to cut through you like a steak-filled sandwich, ya see!" the dark-skinned sword wielder rapped.

"Geez, sensei, your rapping gets lamer every time..." a much younger, dark-skinned youth sighed.

"Aww, don't be like that, lil' ninja brat! Hey, why don'tcha show me that technique you were working on, I bet it'll be suu-weeet!" the sensei, a peculiar looking black man with the eight swords strapped to his back, rapped and rhymed. It was reaching almost 5 years after the defeat of that bastard and his screwed-up "Eye of the Moon" plan, and Bee was bored. Sure, his bro may be getting a little old in the office, but ruling wasn't really Bee's thing. Everyone could see that. So instead, he became an "ambassador" and representative of Kumogakure to the wider magical multiverse, which was really just a excuse to go and join fighting tournaments. The magical multiverse has _lots_ of fighting tournaments. After all, a lot magic users he met weren't hot with politics either, so Bee could see why they'd prefer to beat each other up in a structured, social context instead.

And then this kid came along. He started following him around almost a year ago, always buggin' him to teach him his _uber cool eight sword style_, or at least, that's what he named it. Too bad for him, fighting with eight swords consecutively was a good way to slice oneself into ribbons rather than slicing your opponent, so Bee helped the poor kid find his specialty instead, which happened to be related to some dragons from some far-off mountain he'd never heard of before. The kid _did_ say that he went there once or twice beforehand, but he probably sneaked inside and stole their bread and golden eggs for all Bee knew...

Nah, best not to think about that. Worrying too much gives one ninja-cramps.

Readying his swords, the boy slowly channeled his chakra into his sword. One spark, then two, then consistent crackling... there, that's better. He slowly raised his weapon...

"Sword Art: Summoning: Thunder Dragon of Rai Mountain, lend me your strength!" he yelled, warping space due to sheer magical density, creating a faint blue visage of dragon's head that yelled and roared . The dragon than pummeled through the giant slab of rock, sending a center portion of the rock flying while the rest of the boulder stood, cracked, like a giant rock ring, giant and imposing, but with a very large portion missing through it. The giant rock ring eventually crumbled under it's own weight.

"Dreken! *sigh*, this is training practice, isn't it?" the summon shook his head. "I thought I told you to save me for the really dangerous times, or am I mistaken and the boulder you just made me assault happened to be an extremely dangerous criminal in disguised as a big rock?" the summon asked sarcastically.

"Err, sorry, Mr Dragon, sir, but I think I got carried away in the moment..." he said, scratching his head nervously.

The dragon summon glared at Bee for a short while before turning back to the youth. "See, I told you, boy! Nothing substantial will _ever_ come out of that uncouth rapper's mouth for as long as he lives. *sigh*, I always told you to go under Master Obata, but _**nooo**_, nobody _ever_ listens to the summon, am I right?" he said, crossing his scaled arms together.

Dreken stuck out his tongue. "Bleh, the old hag's _boring_. She always goes on and on about proper ettiquite and the proper way to do things. I can't even believe that people would _want_ to study under her..." he said.

The summon sighed. "Well, I'm going back to Rai Mountain. Call me if you wanna blast killer tomatoes or something." he said, disappearing into the sword.

Killer Bee, having apparently either not heard, or had simply ignored the conversation, turned towards his disciple. "Hoh? Was that all?" his sensei rapped. "It's all rad and all, but I can but I can make that look pithy and small in comparison! Watch, ya'all!" he said, revving himself up before an even more massive boulder, and slicing through it like a whirlwwind, sending bits and pieces of rock into the air. He then jumped into midair and crushed those bits of rock into sand by spinning his swords like helicopter blades.

His student whistled in appreciation.

* * *

><p>Miura coughed.<p>

"Are you okay, Miura-chan?" Tsukasa asked.

"N-No, it's okay..." she replied. For some strange reason, she had the feeling that she would _really_ hate rap in the next few weeks.

* * *

><p><strong>When the going gets tough, the tough KICK ASS!<strong>

**Tune in to the next episode:**

_**When Magic And Madness Meet...**_

**...this insane epic shall truly begin!**

**Don't you dare die on me, reader!**

* * *

><p><strong>Ah, thus is the beauty of the Canon OC character. You can fit whatever hilarious quirks you want onto them and nobody can call you out on making said character act OOC (hinthint I'm talking about Charlotte).<strong>

**So yeah, anyway, I'm basing quite of bit of Sayaka and Kyoko's depiction on the Oog****akari in **_**Yet again, with a little extra help**_** by **_**Third Fang**_**, except less psychotic and more morally obliged****. Haven't read it yet? Well **_**GO REA**__**D IT**_**. The awesome will melt your brain. Don't worry, I'll be waiting.**

***random elevator music***

**So yeah, they kick ass, take names. The difference was that in _Yet again_, the epic exploits of the awesome dimensional travellers across space, time and different franchises were only implied and hinted at, while in my fic, it'll be out there in _FULL PROSAL GLORY!_**

**Until my next update, chill, stay away from the 90%, stick to the 10%, don't write like a moron and help make Fanfiction legitimately good in public eyes in the process! (because I think fanfic gets too much of a bap rap nowadays).**

**PS: Before you say that I'm introducing too many unrelated characters from unrelated franchises at once, let it be known that don't just introduce new characters just for teh lulz. Everybody will get to do something important **_**eventually**_** (Charlotte and Kirsten? check. Killer Bee? check. Kario and Athena? check. Yutaka? check. Harry Potter? check. Index? OH HELL YES CHECK *grins evil smile*)****.**


	10. When Magic And Madness Meet!

**Been reading Yet Again lately. Yet again, Third Fang's fanfiction skills are nearly unsurpassed (except in spell-checking).**

**And **_**yay**_** 10th chapter *blows kazoo***

* * *

><p><strong>Location: Nearby Mitikihara Town McCafe<strong>

**Time: Friday, 4:00 pm**

"Hey, Charlotte-san? Can you help me figure out this question?"

"Hmm? Sure..." Charlotte took the purplette's notebook and textbook and examined it intently. To which she finally had a conclusion.

"For the holy love of the cake god, I am _hungry!_"

"Huh?" Kirsten looked up from her homework. "But you just ate an _entire cake_, that's _**ten slices**_, a few minutes ago!"

Charlotte simply waved her off. "Hey, I'm not a calculation powerhouse like you, Kir-chan. I actually need to _take a break _every once in a while like a _normal_ schoolgirl, especially when doing goddamn algebra..." Kagami snorted at her mention of being normal.

In less than a second, Charlotte practically teleported over to the counter. "One slice of cheesecake please!"

"Err, I'm sorry, Ma'm, but I'm afraid we're all out of cheesecake..." the man at the counter said awkwardly. The pink-haired girl twitched slightly.

"WHAT!" Charlotte slammed her fist unto the counter. "This is _**blasphemy**_. Tell me what the last buyer looked like so I can hunt him down and _rip his __**goddamn kidneys**__ out_!" she verbalised excessively, taking the customers aback.

"*sigh*, I'm sorry for Charlotte-chan, but let me handle this..." Kirsten said, calmly walking towards the enraged pinkette.

The following events were so outrageously bloody and traumatic that several witnesses had to be sent for shock counselling, entire teams of expert cleaners were hired to clean up the sweet and sticky mess on the floor and ceiling (nobody knows _why_ there were sweet and sticky stuff on the floor and ceiling, but they're afraid of the answer), and there was a sudden wave of candy phobia and technophobia among customers at the scene. Strangely enough, the only people unaffected were the two teenaged girls seen sitting with the assailant and victim at the scene with uniforms from Mitakihara Middle School. The two girls were gone before they could be questioned. Entire security tapes were purged in fire and purified by entire teams of shrine maidens and priests due to fear of demonic possesion by more... superstitious members of the public. Despite repeated questioning, investigators were not able to get the full details on the incident. Luckily, all damage expenses were paid by a mysterious benefactor known only by the pseudonym of "The Hero of Justice", with an apology letter stating that she would take all responsibility for what happened and that she will inflict the "appropriate punishments" on those involved.

Said appropriate punishments happened to involve some amount of psychological scarring, but the police don't know that.

"I _really_ should be toning it down a little bit, but I'm honestly enjoying this way too much to care." grinned Kyoko sadistically, as she prepared to take out what looked like an ancient home computer. "Hey wow it's a Computer Space arcade cabinet." Kirsten commented. "Don't get to see much of that nowadays, even in vint-HEY, WHAT THE _**HELL'S BELLS**_ ARE YOU _**DOING**_ TO THAT! DO YOU _KNOW_ HOW _VALUABLE_ THAT IS! NO, _STOOOP_! _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_" *sob* *sob*. Wait, w-w-wwait, is that, ii-is that? It's an Earthbound prototype cart! A _genuine_ Earthbound prototype cart! But what are you gonna- STOP DON'T OPEN IT THAT WAY! NO DON'T USE A _JACKHAMMER_! A-And what are you gonna doNO DON'T REMOVE THE _UV STICKERS_, THEY'RE THERE FOR A _**REASON**_ ANd nonoonononono is that a lampIT'S A _**UV LAMP**_! nonononooo_NONONNOOOOOOooonononononoo_...*sob* *sob* *sob*"

"Somehow, I feel a little bad and dirty for witnessing this..." Charlotte said, with multiple bandages randomly stuck to her head. For some reason, she thought that Kirsten might as well make out with these antique hardware for how much she geeked over them... Mmm, sweet beautiful Kirsten-chan in an empty arcade, licking the screen sensually and gently lowering herself over the nice, round tip of an arcade joysticNO CHARLOTTE, BAD CHARLOTTE, _FILTHY_ CHARLOTTE!' she reprimanded herself.

"Oh don't worry, Charlotte-chan, you'll get your turn this time..." Kyoko grinned, holding up a jar of magically enhanced swarm of flies.

"Kirsten-chan?" Charlotte sobbed.

"Yes, Charlotte-chan?"

"I regret agreeing to help them..."

"Me too, Charlotte, me too..."

And for the record, Charlotte was the last buyer.

* * *

><p>"What do you think she's going to do to us this time?" Tsukasa shook nervously.<p>

"She's biding his time. Like a serial killer..." Rio hissed.

"Yeah, damn cereal killers, always jumping out of bushes and closets and stabbing perfectly good cereal boxes to death with their _damn knife cutters_. Damn cereal killers." Charlotte growled.

"Charlotte, I love you like a sister, but could I suggest you throw yourself into a pot of boiling syrup and boil yourself alive for the next one-million years." Kirsten deadpanned

"Sweet _and_ incredibly painful! Wonderful idea there, Kirsty! Remind me again when I develop a interest in S&M, will you, dearie?" she said, in a voice that sounded like she was possesed by a teddy bear and asked to shoot rainbows of pure concentrated sugaryness.

"Shutupshutupshutup"

"I love you too, Kir-chan. I _especially_ like holding the red bean buns, tasting the barley, licking the cherry-flavoured lollipop, sucking the-"

"OKAY CHARLOTTE YOU CAN SHUT UP NOW!"

"_Guys_, we're here to train, not to argue!"

"Why does we have to let that nutcase train us, anyway?" groaned Rio.

"Because she's insane, and we need that, apparently." Corona deadpanned.

"Insane? Best damn understatement of the year." Charlotte snorted.

"Hey guys, is it just me, or are you all being snarkier than usual lately?" queried Vivio.

"WOHOO!" a scarily familiar voice said, in the middle of the group. Shocked, everyone turned around and saw a log covered in strange-looking paper tags...

"_JUMP OUTTA THE WAY!_" screamed Kirsten, who grabbed the desert witch with her and hurled themselves a few feet away and face-first into the dirt.

*_**KABOOMLEY!**_*

"Hail to the log." Kyoko said, casually flash-stepping into the scene out of nowhere, surrounded by a crater containing almost everyone.

"Wait a minute, that quote's supposed to be used for _substitutions_!" accused Kirsten, who had Cherlotte handing unto her for support. "I _looked it up!_"

Kyoko quirked an eyebrow. "So? I'll use a quote _any way I want to!_ It's not like a crazy, pulsating blood scythe will impale me out of thin air or something. By the way, plastic detonating bovine alert."

"Huh?" the navy-haired girl turned around to see a _real_ cow wired with plastic explosives.

"_CATTLE!_"

*_**BOOM!**_*

Luckily, Charlotte transformed into her giant caterpillar-pacman form in time and swallowed the explosive piece of beef whole, where it exploded in her innards. Unluckily, the exposion gave her indigestion (and heartburn).

"Ouuu..." Charlotte moaned

"Hmm, I must thank Third Fang for these ideas, though. They're rather horrifyingly ingenious..." quipped the redhead, stepping out of another flash-step.

"Haiiii_ya!_" a familliar voice kiaied. Kyoko blocked the strike with the back of her hand, before engaging Miura in a short melee sequence.

"Well now, you're getting faster..."

"I get faster everyday! I just get faster a lot _quicker_ now!" the mage shot back.

Stretching out her hand behind her all of a sudden, Kyoko caught a coin that was speeding towards her with lightning-fast speed. Rolling the small metal disc around her fingers, she grinned. "Congrats, I almost got caught by surprise there. _Almost_..."

She then flickered away in a burst of speed.

"Where is she!" Miura said, looking around.

"Oi, I'd be looking down if I were you!" the redhead said in the girls' minds.

Nervously, the two looked down to see... the ground covered in mines and mini-bombs.

*_**KABOOM!**_*

***rumble*** ***rumble***

"_**YAAAAAAAaaaa**__aaahhh_... _**Ggrrk! Thump!**_"

***Ow**...*

***Ouchie**...*

***Oooooo**...*

"_**I'm okay**__, I'm okay_... I think... the spikes... broke my fall... *_thump_*"

"Kyoko, I think we need to schedule a psychiatric session for you before it's too late..." Sayaka said, stepping out of the cover of a few trees, where she eyed the the redhead, maniacally laughing at the edge of a deep pit. She then looked down the pit. "And maybe include the little tots too... By the way, I didn't know you could wire explosives, Kyoko-chan..."

"She didn't, _I_ did..." said a depressed sounding Kario from behind, holding up a toolbox and a wirecutter, all the while weeping waterfalls.

"Huh? Oh wait, I just remembered. You said before that you "like toying with stuff"or something like that. But I've never guessed you could wire explosives or something like that..." she mused.

"I said I _could_, goddammit! I even wrote it my _resume_!" she said, holding up a professional-looking group of papers.

"Oh, guess I forgot, then." Sayaka laughed, putting a hands behind her head in a posture of "Oopsie me!".

"I'm overlooked bcause I'm a _pinkhead_, isn't it? The fact that you already know _two_ of the rose-haired f*ckers makes the third one _forgettable_, _**does it!**_" she said, all the while weeping buckets.

"It is alright..." Athena said, patting her partner's back. "At least you still have me..."

* * *

><p>*beep*...<p>

*beep*...

_blurriness_...

*beep*...

_I think I know where I am_...

*beep*...

"I'm in the hospital, getting treated for mysterious injuries, and you're some agent from some secret organisation or some journalist from some newspaper company or something like that and you wanna question me, right?" Konata deadpanned.

"You would make a great school journalist, did you realise that?" the pink-haired woman standing over her answered.

"I'm not really all that interested in that kind of stuff. Besides, it wound cut into my anime and manga time..." she replied as she tried to feel around for something.

"Looking for _this_?" the lady said, producing a ring from one of her coat pockets.

"That's my ring. Give me back my ring."

"Oh? And what's so special sbout your ring? Care to elaborate?"

"It'sss... a collectors item! A special anime collector's item! It's promotional jewelry for a new

anime! I'm a very dedicated anime and manga maniac, so if you darn well please..."

"It is? Oh, I'm so sorry. Here."

Upon given back her ring, she tried to supress a smirk. It appears your bluff roll succeded _brilliantly_.

"Oh, umm, _who are you, anyway?_" she said, just now remembering that this woman wasn't a nurse.

"Oh, I'm _Madeline Mooker_, by the way, reporter for-"

*_**BEEEEEEP**_* *_**BEEEEEEEEEEP**_*

"Oh, hold on a second. _Hello?_"

"..."

"Huh? The blue-haired girl owning a green ring with the design of a lantern is our target! Are you sure?"

...

"Oh."

Closing her cellphone, the woman sighed and made a hand sign of some sort. Several soldiers earing dark pink fatigues rolled out of cover, from air-vents, under beds and from windows.

"Oh, so you are after all!"

*sigh* "I'm so sorry, little girl, but I'm afraid I have no choice but to-"

*_CRAAAASH!_*

Everyone looked up to see the three figures that broke in through a large window. They were all teenage-looking girls, a greyette, a pinkette, and a blunette at the center.

Some of the more ruthless soldiers opened fire.

The grey-haired one shot out and disabled a man with her bare hands. Meanwhile, the others were pinned down by what seemed to be man-sized pink lizards, seemingly out of nowhere.

The woman laughed. "What? You didn't think I was _unprepared_ for this?" She jumped out of another window and unto a waiting helicopter.

"Hello? Hello! This is _Madomook_, requesting backup!" she called into a cellphone.

"brssssssssssssssssssshhh..."

"Hello? Do you answer? C'mon, my men are _wasted_ here!"

"Please do not waste your time." Athena said, walking forward. "Some of our comrades have already secured the upper and lower areas. It would be wise to surrender now."

"_**Never!**_" the lady snarled, then flew away.

"Huh." Sayaka said. "Oh! As for you, Ms. Bluehair, we have some very pressing matters to talk to you about..." she said as she picked up the green ring from the floor.

* * *

><p><strong>A few weeks after the last chapter...<strong>

"Hey guys! It's time to go!" Vivio called out to them.

"Ah, Vivio-san! It's time to go already?" Rio said, looking back from where she was facing Corona.

The blonde just put her hands on her hips.

"Ah! okay, okay. We're going, we're going..."

Briefly, the blonde thought she saw cracks on the surface of Corona's palm where she was holding a coin of some sort, but they were gone when she looked again.

**Afterwards...**

"Okay guys, before we go, I want you to introduce you to our mission support, Athena."

"Hello there, comrades."

"She'll mostly be organising the Team A, that is me and everyone who isn't participating in the tounament, which means Kyoko's team probably won't be hearing fro her very much, if at I'm also here to let you know who she is, just in case there's an emergency and starts speaking inside your mind."

"I will try to be as pleasing and relaxing a voice as possible, especially during scenes of graphic violence..."

"Umm, right..."

* * *

><p><em>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"<em>

Ah, inter-dimensional travel. The reason why so much teleportation seem effortless is because of a magic "shell" formed around a person's body. After all, the inter-dimensional sea isn't exactly calm. But to those who don't have magic, _or_ their too unused to the style of dimensional "whether patterns" in different places, then travelling this way would be like climbing into a gigantic ball and having Godzilla kick it really, _really, **really**_ frickin' hard.

WrrraZhump_BrrrghKrrra**BOOM!**_

"_Arrgh_, I think I'll never get used to interdimensional travel..." Kagami sighed.

"I've teleported before, but it was never _this_ dizzying..." Vivio said, spinning around and finally holding on to a nearby tree to steady herself. Opening her eyes, she had her breath stolen from her like gold on the street.

They were standing on top of a rocky cliff, overlooking a grassy field with masses of different people on it, sitting, standing, or lying down.

Out in the distance, there was this weird building that looked like the shell of a gigantic Koopa Troopa if it were the hiding place of the Delta Squad. That is, **dark** and **gritty**.

"Hmm, kinda reminds me of Woodstock..." Kyoko commented, taking in the sight before her.

Meanwhile, Sayaka slowly walked down the slope, with that confident gait and that blue, windswept hair, looking all hero-ey, her long deep blue coat billowing behind her in that mysterious and attractive way...

"Umm, is this a private moment? Cause I'll shoo off if you want to..." asked Kyoko, noticing that Kirsten had a trickle of blood down her nose.

"Umm, ah..." Kirsten stuttered, breaking out of her trance. "It's fine, it's not anything like that..." she said, grabbing a tissue from somewhere.

"Are you sure?" the redhead asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm not saying I'm _attracted_... Okay, maybe I'm a _little_ attracted..." the navy-haired girl shuffled nervously.

Kyoko cracked a mischevious grin.

"Uh, Umm, _hey look a giantflyingiceberg!_" she said quickly.

Sure enough, there was a giant flying iceberg. Or more accurately, a giant iceberg being carried along by mutiple helicopters. It cast a huge shadow over everyone and made many heads turn.

"_HEELLOOOOO __**FOLKS**_, _**LOCALS**__ AND __**OUTSIDERS**__ ALIKE, and __**WELCOME**__ to the 101st __Biannual ___Kenyan ____**Running**____ and ____**Senseless Violence**____ Tournament___!_" the announcer boomed.

The crowd went rabid.

"I'm Bob McBoomer, and this rabid ape here is Fuun Fukiyama, former tournament contestant, _master_ rogue from fedual Japan _and_ our _Colour Commentor_ for the next few days! Nice to see you here in the announcer's box, Fuun."

"Ayup, _hi! _It's feels different somehow, being in the announcer's box rather than being out there, fighting for your life... Maybe it's the lack of adrenaline..." says Fuun over the loudspeakers.

"Could be." Bob responded. "By the way, ladies and gentlemen, we have quite the spirited competition this time 'round, so why don't we take a look at some of our new contestants!" the first announcer boomed.

"Right here, we have a family from the the deep south-fried portion of America, The _Numbnuts!_"

Onscreen was what appeared to be a clan of inbred rednecks, wearing very simple farm clothes and doing very idiotic things.

"Don't be fooled by appearences, ladies and gentlemen. These people have been saving their own slice of the Bible Belt from alien invaders and horrors from the deep using nothing but shotguns, beer and an old beat-up Caddilac..."

"We call her _Old Betsy_..." the father Numbnut drawled, all the while the children are dancing all over the hood. "Hey, keep it down, ya _kits!_ Yer on _Live TV!_"

"_Okaaaay_, then. Let's have a look at contestants from the _other_ side of the intelligence spectrum, the _Murderochies!_"

A sizeable portion of the audience cheered.

The camera started to focus on a group of people that could only be described as elves. With machine guns. Wearing top hats and a neutral, almost disdainful expression.

There were only six of them, one of them a child, but they all looked extremely dangerous and give off an aura of coldness so frightening, it made you want to jump into icy water rather than look one of them straight in the eye.

"Hailing from the _Floating City_ of _Higher-Earth_, the Murderochies are reagarded as one of the most elite of assassin clans, with an infamous regimen that involves sending seven-year olds and younger on spying and assasination missions and even out on the frontlines in world-wrecking wars. Here on camera is one of their master prodigies, the ten-year old _Kill-Joi-Deth_, who, at the tender age of six, had already mastered using the _chainsaw-chucks_, the _hammer-chucks_, flaming voles, homing shotguns, dual-wielded pistol, the flaming katana and has also mastered the use of _silent-killing techniques_ along with extensive knowledge of _potions_ and _poisons_ as well as _expert_ stealth skills. He is truly an amazing kid. Any words for us, Mr. Murderochi?"

Deth simply stared into the camera drone, and smashed it.

"Well, _he_ has a temper..." Fuun commented.

"Hmm, while we may want to interview more of our crazy contestants, we'll have to continue later, unfortunately, since it's time to BREAK THE ICE!"

As if on cue, the giant iceberg that flew past more than a few minutes ago returned, this time riding on top of a gigantic metal blimp with the words "GRAND PRIZE" painted on the side of the gargantuan flying machine.

It was a horrific sight. Tons of people, all frozen inside, all immobile except for their _eyes_, which darted to and fro like they wanted to scream but _can't_.

"_Here_ as our ultimate prize, we have quite the impressive catch there folks! A few meat bags shy of an urban dot, here is an entire magic army encased in BakaIce(TM) and at _your_ _**beck**_ and _**command!**_" Bob said, talking like a salesperson on a shopping channel.

"By the way, _while_ your fighting to get this _gorgeous_ prize before you, think about the _ice_ holding it _all together_..."

One of the prisoners gets _ejected_ from the mass of ice somehow, and then gets seemingly _electrocuted_ as she writhes helplessly on the platform.

"Is your slave feeling _sly_, _rebellious_, _**desperate?**_ Well, do you _feel_ they are? Well, you don't have to _worry_ anymore! BakaIce ElectroIce Control Collars can both _shock_ the wearer... *prisoner screams* _and_ pleasure 'em... *prisoner moans*."

Shaking, the woman tries to break off the collar by slamming her neck against the steel floor.

"But then, there are also those times when _pain_ or _pleasure_ isn't enough,when you just have no other choice than to _cut the rotten parts out_. In _those_ cases, well, we have a _nifty_ self-destruct feature for you _sadists_ out there!"

The collar suddenly beeps rapidly, and the unlucky lady gets her head blown off, with bits of brain and gore splattering everywhere and the headless body of the now-lifeless woman fall limp.

"Whoa, that is one _juicy_ prize there everyone!" Fuun commented. "It almost makes we wanna _kill_ someone of even half of it. Almost."

Miura looked up in shock. "Th-That... That is..."

"They've imprisoned several city districts' worth of people, shackled them with shock collars and encased them in ice. While still conscious. I mean, I know they captured them and they did such things before, but seeing it personally is something else..." Kagami commented in shock.

Rio was just speechless. She knew what had happened, that their people were taken away, that they were going to help Sayaka-chan and Kyoko-chan save them somehow, but not like this...

Not like _this_.

She fell to her knees. *thump*

The fire mage heard sobbing, and turned to look at her silver-haired friend.

She was crying. She was kneeling in the grass and _crying_. The same girl that kicked her and Lu-chan's sorry asses in pitched combat was _crying_. The same girl that got straight A's on tests, helping her on her studies and was always nice, sweet and polite to everyone she met was _crying_.

Oh no. Oh _hell_ no.

She was going to _**KICK THEIR ASS.**_

She stomped forward, when she was stopped by arms wrapping around her neck.

"_Rio, __**hold it!**_" her blonde friend said, practically piggybacking on her back

"_I can't do that! _They're... they're... that crystal is... _You __**saw**__ what they __**DID!**_"

"_**Please**_..."

"..."

"The others feel the same too..."

The dark-haired mage looked around, and she saw Tsukasa slowly embracing Corona from behind. She saw Kyoko keep a firm hand on Miura's shoulder, as if she would run off at the slightest prompt and make all the effort for naught.

She held the blonde's arms tightly...

"_Cheesecake!_ Get your _cheesecake_ here!" an enterprising voice rang out, pushing a dessert cart.

"_Oh, oh, _I'll have a slice!" Charlotte said.

"Here you go!"

"Thank you!" *bite*...

...

"Wait a pancake flippin' minute, this cheesecake has _blueberry __**filth**_ in it! What blasphemy is this..."

"Uh, Ma'am..."

"YOU CAN'T HAVE _BLUBERRY_ IN YOUR _CHEESECAKE_ IF YOU _**JUST**_ ADVERTISE IT AS CHEESECAKE! Blueberry is a _**SUBTYPE**_! If you say you're "_Just Selling Cheesecakes_", without specifying _anything_, and you're actually selling _blueberry_ cheesecake, you're just gonna _MISLEAD_ YOUR _**CUSTOMERS**_! And don't even let me get started on- _WHOAH!_"

Right then, Sayaka pulled Charlotte away. "Umm, sorry. She's kind of an... _elitist_ on these kind of topics." she apologised.

"By the way Bob, weren't we announcers supposed to give an overview of events by now?"

"Huh? Oh _right_ I forgot! Umm, where was it... *sounds of opening drawers, smashed pottery and cat squealing*... Ah! Here it is! *paper rustle* Now lets see, _first_, we have the preliminary race over the savannah, where the first 700 gets to qualify for the next part, the fighting matchups! Tournament structure is single elimination by default, with changes at the whim of the judges and audience themselves. _Third_ place gets the latest in dimension-hopping technology with the _ChronopLeap StaChroPer!_ *blimp shows strange-looking armchair with golden colour scheme*. _Second_ place gets the aformentioned StaChroPer _plus_ a nifty truck-sized arrenal of death from the D.O.O.M.S.D.A.Y. Munitions Conpany *blimp shows multiple racks with multiple impossibly cool firearms on it*. _First_ place gets the dimension-hopper, arsenal _and_ the _GRAND PRIZE!_ You all know what it is!"

"Wait, I thought this was supposed to be a _fighting_ tournament, not race..." Kagami commented.

"Yeah! Why the hell are we supposed to trek over there as part of the competition?" Rio complained.

"When did I say it was _just_ a fighting tournament?" Kyoko answered. "But anyways, kiddo, here's a _serious_ explanation. Unlike other tournaments, this one has a _huge_ number of people signing on to it every half-year. A few _thousand_. Do you know how long it would take for all of them to fight in one-to-one arena matches and declare one a champion if one were to cut out all the rest time, time-outs and _sleep_?"

The girls shook their heads.

"A few weeks, if they're lucky. Add in all the time for non-fighting time, and your tourney could take _months_, _**years**_, even. And let me tell you, that is not good for business."

"They'll get bored." Rio commented.

"Yep, so they _had_ to thin out the numbers _somehow_..." Kyoko said.

"They use a _race_ to determine _qualifications?_" Corona asked confusingly. "That doesn't even make _sense_, I don't even-"

"Hey, it's not like tourney is all serious and competitive and all that, no..." Kyoko waved off. "Notice how they never advertise it as "an opportunity to be labeled the strongest" or some other shonen crap like that. It's just all in good fun. Don't be surprised if they do stuff like hand you lightsabers or make you pilot giant robots if they feel it means more fun for everyone. Really, it's more Super Smash Bros. than Street Fighter, if you know what I'm saying..."

"Okay..." Corona said hesitantly.

"Besides, it's less "who runs faster" and more "who gets to beat up the owner of that sweet ride and fly it all the way to the finish line" or something like that..." the redhead said.

"Huh..."

* * *

><p>For a few minutes, everyone just sort of hung around, walking aroung around and buying stuff.<p>

"_Ice cream_, get yer _ice cream_ here!" yelled out another enterprising voice.

"I'll take a c_heese double-scoop_, please!"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Thank you!" Charlotte cheerfully said, before contently walking down a path of trampled grass.

"Hmm?"

Down the path was a familiar boy that looked ten or so... what did the announcer say his name was again? _Deth_, yes, that's about right. They mentioned something about him being from a family of assasins, if she remembered it clearly. He was staring rather intently at the ice-cream cart.

**Very** intently...

"What'cha _doing?_"

Deth subconsciously backhanded her, which she dodged.

The boy scowled at her once he assesed that she was no significant threat. "Don't you know it's _rude_ to surprise people like that? Especially someone like me? If we were in in my home city, you would've been summarily executed."

"Well, it's a good thing we're not in your home city, then. Besides, I noticed you were staring rather intently at that ice-cream stall over there..."

"S-So? why doesit matter?"

"It _matters_ because if you _did_ want to buy ice-cream, you'd had bought it already! Is it 'cause you don't have money or something?"

He just stared.

"Ah, well, we can't have that! You shouldn't be _all_ serious, all the time. Hope you like cheese flavour!" the pinkette cheerily said, giving the boy her cone.

"But... you just bought-"

"Nah, I can always buy another one. But from the way you look, I'll bet this'll be a _real special_ moment for you. _Sooo_, I don't wanna ruin it..."

"Hey, _'lotte!_" a faraway voice called.

"Ah, coming! _See you later!_"

Looking at his gift, he sighed and took a bite.

It tasted rather nice. For cheap ice-cream, that is.

* * *

><p>"Hey <em>Kagami<em>, it's time to go!" yelled Sayaka, waiting at the foot of a spectator-blimp. You see, live spectators aren't usually spectating from the main arena (aka the "finish line" of the tournament's first part) is for the very simple reason that the arena gets destroyed. A lot. The two of them stepped inside.

"Now, our viewing room should be right... about... _here_."

*opens door*

"**Eep!**"

"Huh?"

"I-I-I'm so sorry! I kinda just lost my ticket with my room number on it, so I kinda just just wandered around andIkinda saw this room so I stayed hereinsteadbutIshould_**known**_ there were peoplecoming andohmygodi'_msosorryi'msosorry**i'msosorr**_-"

"Umm, It's alright, you can watch with us here if you really want to, we don't mind." Sayaka said, sitting down.

"Ah, thank goodness, then..."

Meanwhile, back down on the ground,

* * *

><p>A few minutes later, everyone was assembled just behind the painted starting line, with spectators like Sayaka and Kagami riding on zepplins, watching the race from above and with the help of surveillance bugs.<p>

The contestants started to quieten down.

"And _nooooooww_ they're _ready_! The head referee starts counting down. Race starts in _**three**_..."

People began to tense up.

"_**two**_..."

The tension was so think it could cut like a knife

"_**ONE**_..."

...

"_**GOOO!**_"

And, contrary to the expectations of everyone other than the former Puella Magi (Okay, maybe just Kyoko), the starting line quickly became the site a gigantic brawl and engulfed the entire first few hundred metres of the endurance race. Only a handful of contestants manage to escape the chaos and continue on with the race, summoning dragons, magical constructs, and some just straight-up flying out of there.

The five of them were one of them, having rode out of the metaphorical storm on the shoulders of a quite literal giant. A stone one, with magically mounted candy cane flintlocks firing balls of hard candy as point defenses.

Right from behind them, a speeding car speeds right over them. "Oh, c'mon, a _flying car_! I thought this was supposed to be a _magical_ tournament! Corona complained, who just barely avoided getting her head torn off by the low-flying vehicle.

"When did I say it was _just_ a magic tournament?" Kyoko said. "Though I _do_ distinctly remember vehicles not being allowed unless teleported to or built within the race itself, and since there's no inter-dimensional residue on it, I guess they they snuck that one through the tournament customs..." Kyoko mused.

"Aren't they gonna ban them or something?" Tsukasa asked.

"Not before the referees catch them first."

"Huh?"

Looking ahead, they saw the car getting chased by a group of hovercars with glowing purple-and-white sirens. With the press of a button, the offending car sprouted a load of missile launchers and mounted machine guns from it's back that's somehow larger than the car's entire mass. The car then began to blow away the hovercars by the dozens with ease.

The rest of the group that wasn't a former Puella Magi then panicked at what the hell had they gotten into.

"Too late to regret anything now!" Kyoko said, seemingly reading their minds as pushed Tsukasa's head down to avoid her head getting turned into red juice by a giant flying shuriken.

"C'mon, there's quite a large contingent of vehicles and mounts coming through here. I bet we can hitch a ride for a while and jump off before the refs catch us." Kyoko said, gesturing towards an incoming cloud of steel and beast.

"Umm, why?" Corona asked. Considering they were currently riding on a fourty-foot tall golem staffed with three Puella Magi, three Mages, and one ESPer, it wasn't an entirely invalid question.

"Because this." Kyoko said casually, then grabbed and pulled her out of the way of a flying spear of rock as it casually tore off the golem's right arm.

"_**RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGH!**_" the dragon screeched as it tore through the skies around them.

"Oh." the silvette said.

"I can handle it!" Charlotte said, as she transformed tnto her second form and jumped after the dragon, biting it's tail. Kirsten jumped up unto Charlotte's back and began to run up the length of the two beasts. Kyoko summoned a spear and held it in a throwing pose.

Panicking, the dragon rider saw the others ready to unleash a long-range hell at him, and made one last-ditch move.

With a frenzied wave of his hand, he called upon the element of Earth and made Corona's golem split into a multitude of pieces, splitting the group along with it.

"_KYOKO-CHAAAN!_"

"_EVERYONE!_"

"_TOOTS!_"

"_HELP!_"

* * *

><p>"Ugh, where the hell am I..."<p>

"Why, you're in our hovercar, little miss!" the voice of an old lady responded.

"Hover... Car?"

The silvette stood up to a sitting position, where she found that she was in what appeared to be an unusually tiny living room of some sort, with a tiny table in the middle, and diabetes-inducing pastel-coloured pink floral wallpaper. That was pink. There was a grey-haired grandma sitting across from her, nonchantly knitting... _something_. Looking to her left, she saw a window that stared out into the Kenyan plainlands, and was constantly moving. Add that to the fact the weight of the room seemed to shift constantly, Corona deduced that she was in a moving vehicle. Driven by two stereotypically old ladies.

The old woman sitting across her was pouring tea into a cup, of which Corona noticed there were two of.

"Um, excuse me miss, but I need to get back to my friends. I bet they're really worried right now, and besides, I think they need my help right now-"

"Oh? Why are you in such a hurry, young one?" the woman said, grabbing the girl's arm with surprising force as she stood up and pulled her down again.

The girl paused for a bit. "Umm, yeah. Maybe I _am_ taking this way too fast. I guess I should enjoy the hospitality for a bit, thank you." she said, as she lifted her teacup up.

"Wh- _**GAH!**_"

Boiling hot tea was thrown into the old lady's face.

"_What the_- What in the world did you do _that_ for, young lady!" the old lady scolded, even as her facial features washed off to reveal a stone face underneath.

"Oh, was just testing something. Like that the fact that I'm in the belly of some strange rock creature..."

"**HOW! MY FACADE WAS PERFECT, **_**PERFECT!**_" cried an inhuman voice.

"Umm, well, while I've never read of a creature made out of non-organic, non-magical materials before, but I knew something was _very fishy_ when I noticed that the floor, the ceiling, the teacups, the table, the old grannies _and_ all space within a few hundred feet were completely made out of stone while still seeming to have thing like veins, arteries, a digestive system, stuff like that." she answered. "Though the inhuman voice screaming stereotypical supervillain goobledydook kinda helped."

Even more staring.

"I use golems. I know that stuff." she explained wryly.

All of a sudden, stone stone spikes jutted out of seat and the walls and surrounded her closely at all angles.

"**YOU WERE A **_**VERY NAUGHTY GIRL**_**, LITTLE ONE. I WOULD HAVE SLIT YOUR THROAT AND BE DONE WITH IT, BUT **_**NOW**_**, I'D THINK A NICE, SLOW, **_**PAINFUL**_** DEATH IS IN ORDER...**" the ominous, stony voice droned on.

"Look, sir/ma'am, it's not as if I'm some kind of meanie that attacks anything remotely non-human in sight. After al, I have _many_ friends. Flesh friends, artificial friends, biologically-engineered friends, all that. But since you've threatened me with lethal force, I feel that I'm obliged to do the same, agreed?" she said casually.

"**HOW! HOW CAN YOU BE EVEN A SLIGHTEST BIT UNAFRAID! YOU **_**DO NOT**_** EVEN HAVE THE SLIGHTEST **_**SCENT**_** OF A SEASONED WARRIOR, YET ****YOU ACT **_**RATIONALLY**_** AND **_**GALLANTLY**_** IN THE FACE OF YOUR IMPENDING **_**DOOOOOOOOOOM!**_"

"Umm, well, for starters, you're not using very good battle tactics there, Sir/Ma'am. Can I call you ma'am? Ma'am. You're using _stone_ to fight me, a _stone-user_. That's like trying to put out a fire by pouring gasoline over it. I'm not afraid of something I can control. Maybe if you'd have tried to ignite me or launch hot water at me, maybe _then_ I'd be afraid." the young mage deadpanned, as she quickly performed some magic of her own.

*SK_RRRRRRRR__**RUUUUUK!**_*

The large stone creature collapsed from the inside out, and out came a little girl, riding on a massive glacier of rock.

"**PLEASE, HAVE MERCY ON ME!**"

"..."

"...okay."

"**WHAT!**"

"But first, you'll have to do something for me, got that?"

"**YES, YES, ANYTHING BUT ANNIHILATION,**_** ANNYTHIIING!**_"

"Okay then." she said, before compacting the creature into a ball and pocketing it, flashing a cheerful smile that was somehow sweet, yet absolutely terrifying somehow.

All the while, a small camera drone watched the proceedings.

Sayaka covered her face with her hand. "I'm so sorry, Coro-chan, I tried my best, I really did, but it seems Kyoko broke you in the end..."

Beside her, Kagami smiled. "I don't know, I think this just makes her _cuter_, you know?" Sayaka just cried even more.

* * *

><p>"RAAAAAA<em>AUUUU<em>_**URRGH!**_" *thump*

"Quick, Vi, you find any rope?"

"Right here!" she said, holding up a loop of thick, twisted fibres.

When the weird, big, blue four-eyed tentacle monster alien of a driver found two unwelcome visitors to his racing pod, he wasn't exactly happy. Of course, one unarmed (and overweight) driver was no match for two well-trained mages using good-old fisticuffs. Even if he _was_ using a laser-gun.

*ZAP* *ZAP*

A few seconds later, they were being targeted by lasgun-wielding maniacs on motorcycles.

"An escape plan would be very appreciated right about now... _gah!_ *dodges beam*"

Rio scrambled to learn the controls mid-flight while lasers were and Vivio hung on for dear life. As you might imagine, things don't go very smoothly for them.

"Umm, umm, let's see... what does this one do?" she wondered, pressing the big blue button on the dashboard.

"WARP-DRIVE: **INITIATED**"

"Huh? Warp Drive! Oh, for the love of- _**FUWAAAAAAAAAaaaa**__aaa..._"

* * *

><p>*twa-chink-twa-chacha-chink-chick*<p>

*rumble* *rumble*

Only the rumbling and clinks of the train bounding along the built-as-they-go track was heard as Kyoko stealthily climbed on it's underside.

Peeking out from between two train platforms, the redhead spotted your usual garden-variety armed-and-masked soldier keeping watch, with his back to her. Easy pickings.

Kyoko reached out and pulled the unlucky bastard into a nearby open oil barrel and sent him tumbling over the side of the train. Kyoko winced slightly. He would have a pretty good chance of not dying by a good 80% or something like that, but he would only have a 10% chance of not getting nauseous by the time he gained enough spatial awareess to get out of the barrel. But she best not think too hard about such things, lest she start to suffer from a case of mahou shoujo-cramps. She had a fit of them while she was still hunting witches, and she did _not_ want to go through something like that again.

Silently sneaking across the train, Kyoko spotted a common sight across modern installations everywhere. The easily-spotted and avoided CCTV camera jutting out of the wall like a big, white, sore metallic thumb. Ducking underneath it, the redhead briefly wondered why supposedly heavily-guarded and important places almost always get the easiest-to-avoid security cameras and the most predictable guards.

She also boggled her mind at how _boring_ watching these cameras must be. If only she could give them entertainment to _distract_ them...

"All done for you, Ms. Sakura!" Kirsten cheerfully said, having just appeared next to her.

"You overwrote their camera feed with porn?" Kyoko asked, seemingly unsurprised at her sudden appearance.

"Err, no, I don't know where you got that from, but I _did _enchant their monitors to selectively not show us onscreen."

"Meh, how boring... _GYAH! _What are you doing here! Where's Charlotte?" the redhead asked.

"I travelled along this train's electronic systems!" Kirsten said, putting her hands in front of her. "Charlotte's just hiding somewhere else on the train, that's all!" she continued, trying in vain to placate the situation.

"Hey! Who goes there?" shouted a guard.

"Aww, _geez_, you see what you've done? Being all _noisy_ like that!" Kyoko said, running off to hide behind a pile of crates.

"Sure, sure, blame the one who didn't start it in the first place, I'm sure that's totally fair..." she grumbled.

**Place: Engine Room, Magic Train**

**Time: 11:00 am**

"Unit 17, status report."

"Nothing here just yet." the guard responded. So of course, there _was_ something going on right now, except he didn't, because they were behind him, and they were _sneaky_.

"Whew, that was close..."

"No it wasn't! He didn't even _flinch_ at our footsteps on the _metal panels_ of the _metal floor!_"

"Meh, whatever..."

*thump*

Stopping suddenly, the two notice an invisible barrier blocking their path.

"Wow... Kirsten! You should see this. It must be some kind of _psychic wall_, built to prevent movement of non-psychic entities such as _us_..." Kyoko said, rubbing the invisible wall with awe.

A hand then shot out of thin air and pulled the two of them in.

"Oh _hey_, it's sweetooth and ube scalp! _**Hey there**_, _sweetooth_ and _ube scalp!_" Kyoko cheerily said.

"What does that even... *sigh*, whatever. How did you two get here, anyway? And why is Tsukasa with you?" Kirsten asked.

"Oh! I happened to land in an open hatch after that dragon-riding bastard threw me off, then after that I found Tsu-chan hiding in a broom closet. Apparently, she landed here too after getting separated and she snuck inside somehow. Of course, we tried to sneak out when you two bumped into us!" Charlotte answered.

"Wait, so _now_ you can create barriers that are both confers invisibility _and_ is _soundproof!_ What _other_ powers can you pull out of your ass now?" Kyoko asked, seemingly having just had her mind blown.

"Hey! What's this!" said a voice from outside the barrier.

"Oh crap." Kyoko muttered as the psychic barrier collapsed and they were surrounded by guards with guns, and another guy holding up some glowy-screwdriver-thing.

"Ah, just a gaggle of intruders. Throw them in the _brig_."

"_Ugh!_" *thump*

"Geez, at least they could've been more gentle with us..." Charlotte said, clutching her head.

"They could at least thrown us somewhere more secure. It's kind of a slap to the face to just dump us into a cramp cell with drab lighting, rusting bars and only one guard that's listening to his iPod. It's like they're not even trying." Kyoko complained.

"Only you, Kyoko-chan, could complain about how easy it is to break out of a jail cell..." Tsukasa sighed.

"Well, since the place is shielded against magic, our usual methods won't work... _Hey_, let's try to befriend the our little guard. Maybe he could warm up to us enough to show us his family photo, which will invariably have the key to our escape written on it!" Kirsten suggested.

*_**WRROOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUGGH!**_*

As if fate herself was suggesting something else,the entire upper deck was torn off, leaving a clear exit to the ceiling.

"Or we could go up..." Kirsten said.

There were also the screams of men and the bodies of guards being thrown apart.

The girls' peeked over the top of their jail cell.

"Huh? It's that scary dragon again! The one that attacked us earlier!" Tsukasa panicked.

"Wait a minute, didn't we already kick it's sorry ass a few moments ago?" Charlotte asked.

"Guess he won't go down without a fight..." Kirsten sighed.

"Well, at least it doesn't have it's annoying rider with him. I think it's trying to avenge it's fallen master by trailing us to this very train."

"Wait, what _did_ you do to him?" Tsukasa asked.

"Oh, we pushed the guy off into a pack of hungry lions." Charlotte answered. She got looks. "What! It was an _accident_. Things happen when one is fighting hundreds of feet in the air!"

Nearby was a man who was unmasked, unlike the other guards, and he was barking orders at a rapid pace. Seems to be the head honcho around here.

Kyoko walked up and started to speak. "Umm, dude, you're men are getting totally slaughtered out there. I suggest you shut down the anti-magic field for a while so we can-"

"_Silence!_ My men are doing _perfectly fine_ out there."

"_AAAAAAAAAAA__**ARRRGH!**_"

*gurgle* *gurgle*

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_"

"_AAAAAAAAAAH!_"

"_My LEG!_"

*rip* *tear* *scrunch*

"Uh huh... they're doing _perfectly fine_, alright." Kyoko deadpanned.

The commander crossed his arms. "Well, do you have a better plan, _witches?_" he sneered.

"Umm magic?" was Kyoko's response.

"Feh, fine. The anti-magic field stops over there..." the man pointed to a raised platform nearby. "But don't try to do anything _funny_, or you girls will be killed as you stand..." he sad, loading special bullets into his pistol.

Kyoko rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure. Keep an eye on us four magic-users rendered helpless by an anti-magic field while your men gets slaughtered by the dozens in the backround..."

"_**!**_" came the backround noise.

Casually walking into the designated spot, she threw two longer-than-usual spears and made then pierce through both of the creature's eyes.

This just made it go berserk more.

*_**RAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOUUGGGGGGHH!**_*

And then, something happened. Two more spears come out of the top of it's head. And it's feet. And tail. And through it's _teeth_ too.

The dragon fell off the train

"_Yo dawgon_, I heard you liek spears so I put a _spear_ in my _spear_ so it can _spear_ while you get _SPEARED_..." Kyoko rapped with abandon.

_Noooooo! Me have failed in the REVENGEANCE of my MASTER! I have FAILED! There is only one thing to do left, FOR FOR THY MASTAH'S HONOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUURRR!_

So, with a final strain, the beast tore the land apart and made a giant canyon in front of the train out of extreme determination. The sheer effort made the dragon's body EXPLODE.

"_Ah!_ We're gonna fall into that giant canyon! we're _**doomed!**_" a guard shouted. He then took out a gun and shot himself in the head.

Just as the others were about to follow his example, Kyoko stopped them. "Hey! No need to get your pants in a knot, gentlemen! We can still _escape!_ After all, suicides are _never_ amusing, while watching brave men and women survive _ridiculous_ odds _is!_"

She then turned to the train's main engineer. She knows he's an engineer, 'cause he has a yellow hard-hat, googles, an oversized wrench and STAINED OVERALLS, can't forget that.

"Wait, engineer, what weapons is this train carrying?" asked Kyoko.

"Weapons? Well, aside from your standard rifles and grenades for the guards, we also have two built-in anti-aircraft gun towers, and... umm..."

"Yes...?"

"_Umm_..."

"_YEEESSS?_" Kyoko said, moving way too close for comfort.

"*sigh* Tell her Engie..." the commander said.

"_Goddammit_... We also have a few cities' worth of tactical nukes onboard. Plutonium. Makes a big boom."

"_Boss!_"

"_What!_ It's either we die by falling into a giant trench, or we go with whatever crazy plan this gal has in mind. At least the latter gives us a chance of survival..."

Kyoko smirked. "That's the spirit."

The redhead's brow furrowed in deep thought. "How are these nukes fired? Teleportation? Flying drones?"

"We have a powerful railgun to launch these things, if we wanted. There's also a crane onboard that can theoretically carry these things, but obviously, it's useless unless you wanted to drop the nuke directly below you."

"_Useless_, you say? My blue-haired friend once said that nothing is _ever_ useless. I know, I've lost count of how many test tubes and game cartridges I had to use in the absence of usable dildos..." Once she saw the expression on everyone else's faces, she moved on. "_Okayy, nukes nukes crane trench Kirsten_..."

"_**Nukes**_, that's _it_!" Kyoko' fingers snapped in a moment of clarity.

"What are you ta-"

"_Nukes_! Big bombs! We'll use them as propulsion to make us _soar_ over that inconveniently-placed trench!" she explained, pointing towards the hazard.

"But that's _crazy_! We'll get _vapourised_ before we'll even hit the ground!" one of the guards exclaimed.

"Not if the trench is deep enough _and_ we're accurate enough. _Kirsten_!" Kyoko shouted. "I need your mad computer skills!" She turned to the engineer. "This train's partially computer automated, right? Care to tell me where a terminal is?"

"Umm, there's a few right over there..."

"Right. Kirsten, you know how Tsu-chan has psychic powers?" Kyoko asked.

"Lemme guess, you want her to link her mind to me and Athena, letting Athy calculate the angle of dropping the bomb, while I handle the actual process of getting the onboard computers and machinery to actually _release_ it, am I right?" deadpanned Kirsten.

"_Excellent_, you're getting smarter _every day!_" the redhead said, giving the navy-haired girl on a noogie. The veins on Kirsten's head bulged for some reason.

"Whycan'..." she quickly muttered.

"Huh? What was that Kirsty?" Kyoko asked.

"_Nothing_"

"_Okay people_, everyone holding on _tight!_ Cause we're _doing this_, _**baby!**_ _**WHOO!**_" Kyoko screamed.

"You know, we can _jump out_ while we still have time. The train ain't falling into a giant chasm just yet..." one of the guards said to another.

"_Go on_, be my guest. Just to let you know, though. The ground under our feet is moving along at over 160 miles-per-hour and _covered_ in giant pointy rocks. There's no guarantee that you'll survive being a human pincushion, but who am I to quote statistics? It's not like we _need_ you onboard or anything. You're just _**deadweight**_, and the only reason we're not throwing you or your buddies out right now is 'cause you're not giving us any trouble. So _sit down_, _**shut up**_, and relax." the redhead said, shutting them up. She turned around to talk to Kirsten.

"How's the plan going along?"

"We're launching the thing _right now! Hold on __**tight**__, everybody, _because we're_ doing this _in_ THREE, TWO, __**ONE**_..."

"Dropping nuke!" Kirsten cried out.

As the bomb collided with the canyon floor, the sound of a massive explosion was heard, drowning out all other sounds and making the land shake for a few seconds. It was as if time itself briefly paused in awe of this ridiculous scene, gaping it's bottomless maw of the temporal abyss as it briefly held the hourglass of time sideways for a moment. Everything seemingly moved in slow motion for a brief moment. Just to let you know, the hidden camera recording the scene spontaneously exploded, probably out of sheer audacity.

"Crap, now I'm certain you _really_ need therapy, Kyoko..." Sayaka muttered.

"_WOOHOOOOOOOOOOO! We're __**on top of the world, B*TCHES!**_" Kyoko screamed, riding the metal serpent all the way through the air.

Everyone else looked outside their windows and _**gaped**_.

They were flying _high_, higher than the highest-flying dragon, only second in line to heaven with the _highest clouds_. It was _awe-inspiring_.

Of course, they than realised they weren't landing anytime soon either.

"Umm, Kyoko-san, did we have any plan for landing safely now?" asked Tsukasa nervously.

"Umm... We're gonna land... over _there?_" she replied, pointing to the finish building.

Everyone else looked at one another.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!_"

"_THIS IS THE MOST EXHILARATING_ _NON-SEXUAL_ _THING I HAVE EVER DONE IN MY __**LIFE**_, _**WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**_" the fiery redhead screamed.

*_**CRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSHH!**_*

The locomotive made an epic entrance into the building, spinning through one of the upper walls of the dome-shaped building, and crashing into the giant floor in a heap.

"*spits tea* What the _hell_ happened there, Bob!"

"I think a giant train just crashed into the building, Fuun..."

*_WRRRRRRRRRRK__**BOOOOOM!**_*

"And a racing pod that just exited from hyperdrive..."

*_WROOOOOOGGG__**GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHH**__..._*

"And a little girl surfing a landslide..."

"Huh."

Fuun slowly sipped his tea, then spat it out again in realisation. "_HO-LEE-__**SH**_*****_**T,**_ _PEOPLE_. _HO-LEE-__**SH**_*****_**T... HO-LEE-SH**_*****_**T...**_ Did someone_just! _They _did!_ They actually _crashed_ a _flying freakin' __**train**_ through the _finish line_! Did any of you get that! A _flying freakin' __**train!**__**F*ck**_tea, I need something _stronger_." Fuun then picks up an extra-large gourd of sake and starts chugging it down.

Meanwhile, Kyoko was occupied with something else entirely.

"Miura? How the hell did you get here! I thought you were a _goner!_" Kyoko said, shaking the smaller girl by the shoulders.

"Oh, that's easy. I landed on the covertible of those people over there..." she said, pointing over to a pack of rednecks doing an impromptu rodeo, using the car as the cow. "They were kinda creepy, but nice." she smirked.

"Hey guys!" a certain silvette said, stepping out of a landslide.

"Corona? Wait, where did you get that giant stone gourd on your back?"

"Oh, it's a secret. *smiles*"

* * *

><p><strong>Yet another update. Thanks for reading, by the way. I appreciate that.<strong>

**Of course, I'll appreciate you more if you review my story.**

**REVIEWS, I _HUNGER_ FOR THEM _ALL!_**

_**REVIEWS FOR THE REVIEW GOD!**_

_**COMMENTS FOR THE CRITIC'S THRONE!**_

_**wooohoooooooooooooo!**_


	11. Combat In The Fantastical Colosseum!

**Quick Note: I added text Ch. 10 the day after I released it so it flows better and isn't as... needlessly hyperactive. If you just read Ch. 10 the day it was released, I'd advise you to reread it again to catch all the little details I added.**

**Also, whoo, another double-chappy update. I'm starting to wonder if it's starting to become a bad habit of mine. Or a good habit, I don't know.**

**Oh yeah, after this storyline I'll do another planned arc (focusing on Index and another Toaru character (hint: it's not a main character).), and then I'll be running a poll on what crazy storylines you dear readers want to see next. Hope you'll look forward to it!**

**Awesome backround fight musics!(Youtube): (**watch?v=6I1cYJZRy3E, watch?v=wj75z_qD1T4**)**

* * *

><p>"Hey, Sayaka-sempai, I made those eyepieces you asked for..." Charlotte said, handing Sayaka what appeared to be a bunch of tinted contact lenses, with strange symbols etched right onto them.<p>

"Ah, _thank you_, Charlotte-chan..." the blunette said, accepting the lenses.

"Umm, Sayaka-san, what are those?" Tsukasa asked, eyeing them closely.

Kyoko grabbed one of the lenses. "These are contact lenses, and... wait a minute, these are made of hard candy, aren't they?" she asked, holding it up against the setting sun.

"Yup!" said Charlotte. "_Enchanted_ hard candy! Athena-san did all the heavy-duty calculating, Kirsten did all the cutting and carving, and _I_ provided the materials." she said proudly.

"Here, you use it like _this_..." Sayaka said, holding one of the lenses and putting it on Rio's iris.

"Wah, it's _so cool_..." she said in awe.

"You can zoom your eyesight in-and-out by willing it too. It won't take very long to master." she said, as the dark purple-haired loli fiddled endlessly with her lens.

"Sayaka-sempai, I can see _asteroids_ from here!"

"But, Sayaka-san, what in the world would we need these things for?" Corona asked.

"Well, t's best to be _prepared,_ right? Besides..." the blunette leaned in close to the silvette. "I have the weirdest feeling that these things'll come in handy someday..." she leaned back. "Trust me, I _know_ what I'm talking about. Now then, I'll be going now..."

"So you _won't_ be watching us live, Sayaka-san?" Tsukasa asked, seemingly disappointed.

"No, sorry. Have some _things_ to do. Not that you participating isn't serious, though. It is. I'll watch it-"

*GRAAAAH!*

"-later_Huh!_" Sayaka whirled around.

"Hehehe, umm, sorry blueberry head, but I didn't know these lenses would make good _throwing __weapons!_" Kyoko said.

Rapidly approaching the group was a mob of dirty hobos, with the lead hobo having an enchanted contact lens embedded in his forehead.

He pointed at them.

"GEDDIM!"

"_Run!_"

* * *

><p>Gah, it was dark.<p>

Not just dark, it was _**dark**_.

It was _**darkdark**_.

Darkdark.

Heh.

...

You know, she should really be spending time trying to get herself out of this burlap bag those bastards stuffed her in, but she honestly couldn't bring herself to do it, especially in a burlap bag _this_ comfy!

...

But she should do it for Lord Homuhumu...

...

Nah. The power of the comfy burlap sac is clearly far superior.

_Buuurrrlaaappp..._

* * *

><p>"Whoah, Kyoko-san, this deep fried and candy-coated giant ants on a stick is <em>awesome<em>. Hey, Kirsty! Why don't you take a bite!" Charlotte said, waving the strange shish kebab in front of Kirsten's face.

"Charlotte-chan, if you shove that disgusting delicacy in front of my face _one more time_, I will release naked photos of you on the internet..." she quietly threatened.

The pinkette just kept on grinning.

"...fingering yourself."

Charlotte quietly went back to eating.

*thump*, *thump*

A sudden rumbling shook the group out of their reverie, as a huge, muscular young man the size of two and a half men standing shoulder-to-shoulder came thumping over to them, followed by a giggling pack of giggling fangirls.

"I'll buy you a _man_shake, Hale!" one fangirl said.

"I'll massage your warm, muscled, _manly_ back for you, Maxton!" another fangirl offered.

He stopped in front of Kyoko.

"Hey, applehead, you look like some _hot stuff_. I've seen your little stunt back there, crashing a train through the stadium walls and all that, and I've got to ask you... what the hell are you doing with _these_ shrimpy losers? They look like they're _seriously_ cramping your style, lady..." he said, surveying her companions.

She snorted. "You wouldn't know _style_ if it gained psychic powers and punched you in the face seventy-million times a second, _blockhead_." she said, looking up at his topless, "I can't believe he's not Conan with shorts" getup.

He grinned. "Yeah, maybe I'm a blockhead, but look at some of the wimps you have with you now..." he looked over at Charlotte. "a skinny little kid wearing rags..."

"Hey! Rags are _cool!_" Charlotte retorted.

"A pasty white babe who probably rubs off to pics of little girls and comps, and has probably never went out in the sun before in her pitiful life..."

"_Oi!_ That's a low blow, isn't it?" Kirsten said, hugging her own boobs.

"And..." he looked over at Vivio, Rio, Corona and Miura. "Four kids and their _little toys_..."

"_Hey! _Kris isn't a _toy_. Our devices are proof of our mage training and talent, and we can also *blablabla*..."

"Yeah yeah, whatever, blondie..." he said, waving off her rant.

"Alright, that's enough of you effing around with my crew's feelings. That or maybe I show you what an _expert_ can do..." she growled.

"_Ooh_, Maxton, looks like she'll go full retard on you..." one of his ladies said in his ear.

"You're sure you wanna go with these chickens, when all they do is b*tch and moan when they get _teased?_ What about you join _my_ crew, eh? You'll be the personal companion of _me_, Maxton Hale! Heir to the million-and-counting Hale family fortune, _and_ future CEO of the richest goddamn weapons manufacturer within a trillion miles of the dimensional sea, and the manliest man you will _ever_ meet!" he boasted.

"Your _crew?_ Oh, you mean your _harem army?_ Hmm... thanks, but _no thanks_. I'm already taken..." she cooly replied. "By a nice, sensitive girl that's considerate with people and acts for humanitarian purposes, but can be _really_ badass when badasses are needed..." she crossed her arms indignantly. "Besides, why would I even be another one of your _girltoys_, anyway? You look like some weakling who injected himself with steroids because of low self-esteem, and only convinces girls to follow you on the weight of your money and patheticness!" she mocked.

The hulking man gritted his truly barbaric set of teeth. "What. The. Hell. Did. You. Say?" he gritted out.

"I _said_ that you look like an overcompensating sissy boy with an ego bigger than your brain! What, are you _deaf_ or something? Wanna die?" she said, mockingly.

"Why I... YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S GONNA DIE, _B*TCH!_" he screamed, rushing forward and grabbing her by the collar.

"Oh, now _someone's_ got a temper... It makes you wonder why you're dad still keeps you around, eh? I know hehas a very low tolerance for stupidity. I _read the magazine!_" Kyoko said, smirking.

"_HRRRRGGGGHH..._"

All nearby guard patrols and sentries pointed their guns towards him.

"Hey, _cool down_, Hale. No fighting out of offical matches, those are the _rules_, ya _got that!_ If you won't, then maybe our _bullets_ will." the chief guard shouted out.

"Hmph" Maxton snorted, dropping the redhead to the floor. "It's unlikely you'll ever scratch me with your puny toys anyway, but whatever, I'll play along. It'll be more fun for me to beat you down when everyone's watching, after all..." He leaned down to Kyoko's level.

He pointed at her.

He pointed at himself.

He made a gesture whose meaning can only be interpreted as "I will cut off your head, then use it for dodgeball. Then, I'll also flay your _skin_ off and use it as _underwear!_ I'll use your _intestines_ to string _tennis rackets_ with, to use your femur bone for _golf_ and your _eyeballs_ to play _catch_ with. _And_, anytime I'm feeling lonely, I can use your _severed head_, with your _eyes_ still attached to it, and use it as a _f**************toy_."

He was very specific on those gestures.

He stood up and stomped away, his gaggle of fangirls following close behind.

"Geez, what a killjoy..." the redhead said, standing up and dusting off her shirt/blouse.

"A-Are you okay, Kyoko-sensei?" Tsukasa asked, rushing over to her.

"Nah, it's fine." she smirked. "In fact, I think I had quite a bit of fun, pissing off overinflated egomaniacs like him..." She looked at seemingly random bench. "Okay, Tsukasa, you can uncloak yourself now..."

The purplette did. "Gah, I hope I don't meet that scary man again...*shiver*"

* * *

><p>Upon entering the strange bar, the blonde fully expected to smell the typical scent of bars like these. Alcohol, cigarette smoke, stale air, etc.<p>

Well, it didn't, surprisingly enough. It was rather airy, and there was a strangely sweet scent in the air… fresh mint?

She sat down.

Pulling down the hood she had on even more, she silently looked around and scanned the place carefully. Basically a more sedate version of the streets outside. There was still _noise_, per se, but Fate imagined that if you scream out loud about the wonders of ethnic clensing in here, many more people would mob you and rob your corpse in less time than in the streets.

Her eye just happened to fall upon a group of boys sitting around a nearby table.

They were playing cards. Except... they were playing cards with pictures of her and her friends printed on them. Huh? Were the legendary Aces and their friends being franchised now?

Suddenly, it seemed like they felt that they were being observed. One of the boys looked up from his hand of cards and looked to her left, looked to her right, and then she silently whispered to his buddies.

They all disappeared in an instant, leaving several overturned chairs in their wake.

"You know, if you're gonna do nothing but scare our customers away while you're waiting, miss, I think we may have some problems..." a pretty female voice suddenly asked from right beside her.

Fate briefly jumped. '_When did she..._'

"I'm sorry, I didn't know they'd react that way..." she defended herself.

"*sigh*, the's what they all say... _So_, anything you'd like to order here, Ma'am?" the waitress asked

The blonde looked up at her.

"Umm, no thanks, I'm... _waiting for someone_..."

The waitress examined her face closely.

"_Suuure_ you are." she said, nodding her head slowly. Fate was gripping something in the inside of her coat when the other lady finally pulled back.

"Well, you can always order at the counter. Water's free, by the way." she said, being there one moment, then gone the next.

The blonde jumped. Again.

'_What in the world! Does everyone and their grandmother have super-speed here?_'

Well, it's not like it would get any more weirder than this, right?

Right?

*rumble* *rumble*

Suddenly, something which can only be described by a giant, scrap metal chariot came crashing through the bar window, pulled by what can only be described as a large, burly, flying mass of human male wearing pink bunny ears and a shirt depicting two naked men in very... questionable positions. Nobody flinched, or even seemed to notice them and their vehicle. The flying man came barreling out of the contraption and started bounding towards Fate-chan's table.

Obviously, she thought too soon.

"_Wow_, she _is_ real! The lady with the oppressive white coat, the deadly bionic red eyes, and hair so blonde you'd think they murdered a squirrel for it! You're gonna call the Inquisition on us heretics, aren't you? he asked enthusiatically, jumping up and down.

"Oy, _buddy_, stop bein' such a sour fool, yer in front of a lady!" another rider chastised, except this time, it was a little girl, with a lit ciggarette in her mouth and wearing a wifebeater stained with what appeared to be dried blood and oil. And chocolate.

"Oh, but this isn't just _any_ lady, Walch-chan, this lady is _clearly_ a herald. A herald of DOOOM from the Golden Throne!" he shouted in earnest, punping his arms.

"Bud, for that, I am burning all your space marine novels..."

"NOOOOOOOOO! Don't do THAT!" he screamed in terror, throwing himself at the little girl's feet

"Oh, _grow up_, you big baby..." the little girl said, walking up and kicking him in-between the thighs.

Hard enough to send a large, gory chunk of his crotch to go flying off, in fact.

"AAAAAAAAAARRRGGHHH! WHY YOU DO THAT!"

The large man screamed, then fell into a fetal position in pain.

The large, bloody chunk of flesh that flew right off of him slammed against the leg of a wooden chair, causing the flesh to transform into plant matter and causing an overgrowth of vines and flowers in the wooden leg.

Yet again, nobody seemed to care. Or even notice.

"Umm... Are you alright?" she asked.

The strange man-child stood up quickly and took a deep bow. "Buddy is quite alright, wise golden-haired lady. Buddy simply had a flesh wound."

He then walked over to the contraption they flew in on and cried himself to sleep inside it.

. . .

"Umm..."

"Ah, sorry for that, miss. That little blob over there just saw you and your little orange-haired friend come in mysteriously through the big city portal nearby. He tends to jump to conclusions sometimes..." she said, as she took a seat next to her.

"Hey _waiter!_ Gimme a _beer!_" the little girl shouted.

"Okey-dokey!" a voice shouted.

As Enforcer Fate sat there, she wondered in silence at what the hell had she had just gotten herself into...

All while the sound of a dishwasher droned on.

* * *

><p>"<em>Alright<em>, ladies and gentlemen!" the announcer shouted. "With our exciting first act long over, we will now proceed _too the next stage!_"

The announcer enthusiastically pulled down a lever.

*KRIIIK...*

*KRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKK...*

The ground _shook_, and it overturned, revealing large and grandiose bronze contraptions. Giant metal arms, holding up giant metal rings, rose out from the beneath the Earth into the sky. It bathed the ground with think shadows _everywhere_.

With the flip of a switch, each metal ring sparked, and _warped_. They folded reality upon themselves, creating doorways to other realms.

"Now, some of you may be wondering: What the hell is going on her! Well, _we_ say: It's the power of modern interdimensional travel technology, people! With the latest technology, provided by McFly Manufacturing Incorporated(TM), we are able to make _and_ send people over to entirely new arenas on different planes of existence, where they can be able to _fight_, uninterrupted at _all times_! And _this_ is what the next stage is, ladies and gentlemen..."

Almost on cue, paper slips were instantly teleported into the participant's hands.

"_Okay,_ now if the contestants could follow the directions given on your slip of paper, we could get this party started!"

Charlotte looked at her hands. "Umm, Kyoko-san? I think they forgot to give us..."

"_Aaand,_ as for Team _Magic Titan League_, they'll be going up, inside _this very arena_, against the reigning champions for the last five years/tourneys: Team _Maximum Elite Source!_

The stands burst into screams and cheers.

"The reigning champions... we'll all get turned into mush..." the purplette moaned.

"Oh, don't be such a pissant..." Kyoko said, slapping her on the back. "You obviously don't watch too many sports movies, since if you did, I'll bet you'll remember the cardinal rule of _all_ competition..."

The purplette looked up at her, wide-eyed.

"Underdogs _always_ win!" she smiled winningly, holding up a winning thumb.

"Why do I feel like we want to punch you in the face right now..." Rio deadpanned.

"Heheheheheheh, how _lucky!_ We'll won't be just slaughtering some reckless punks, we'll also be butchering some calc b****** _too!_" the only female member of the opposite team exclaimed, looking at the girls with disturbing relish.

An incredibly, fabulously dressed madman looked at his fellow teammate, wide-eyed with wonder.

"How did _you_ know they had one of the _shiny ones_ onboard, bloody?" he asked.

"I can _smell_ them, smell them like _newborn babies_..., the smell of sweet, sweet innocence that only makes me want to _taint_ them even more..."

She looked across the arena to Kyoko's team.

"Though, come to think of it, those other girls aren't half bad, too..." she purred, cutting one of her fingers open and licking the blood off of it.

Most of the girls in the group felt a massive chill crawl up their collective asses...

* * *

><p>They were inside the amphitheatre.<p>

"_Alright_, people! This match(and technically all the others, but they're not important) is bought to you by _**1337 radio station!**_ Get _even_, or get _pwned_! Now back to you, Bob."

"Ah, yes. We have a _very_ promising lineup today, with the famous "Punk Killers" on one side as the defenders, and a another group on the other side as _the_ newcomer in this tournament series, but has made some _very_ impressive performances over the last few hours, especially Ms. Sakura..." Bob said, his voice playing over clips of Kyoko and friends beating people up.

"Yup. She looks like she kicks takes no sh*t from _nobody_. I'd like to know _her_ phone number..." the other commentor said lecherously.

"We also have our referee on the scene, the long-suffering Alex Rodriguez, head referee since the reign of Queen Victoria! How are things going on your end, Rod?"

"Just fine, really." a transmitted voice said. "Nobody's trying to kill me right now, so that's a step up from last year. Time knows if my luck will hold into the actual match itself..." he muttered.

"Well, _okay_, that's enough _faffin' about_, let's introduce the stars of our show here, _ladies and __gentlemen!_" he shouted.

The crowd went wilder than an overnight speed-addled rave party in Las Vegas.

"Right here in this corner, we have team _Maximum Elite Source_, coming from the city-state of _Valves and Steam_, in the planet of _Shooteria_."

"Yeah, I remember them. If I remember correctly, last year they beat up that infamous _Kaizo Hell_ team using an unholy combination of a fully-stocked battle Zeppelin, a time machine, a time-displaced Michael Jackson, _lots_ of rum and thousands of poor, desperate, Eastern European immigrants..." Fuun said, sighing. "Ah, good times, _gooood_ times..."

"From left to right, we have _Maxton Hale_, experienced practitioner of the _All-American Pure Manliness Style_, as well as heir to the _Mann Co. Weapons Manufacturer_..."

"_Bask_ in my _pure manliness_, _**b*tches!**_" he boasted. His fangirls went wild from the stands.

"_N__arcissa__ Bloodwen_, a battle-hardened former street gang member, who learnt supernatural kung-fu while imprisoned in the bowels of Alcatraz, and inducted herself into the team by blowing up their headquarters in _one blow!_"

"Rumours say that she killed a thousand annoying punks, _exactly_ a thousand, and arranged their bloody corpses into a football-field wide drawing _for fun._"

The woman simply licked her lips with abandon.

"Dr. Joseph Morry, former professor of the University of Righteous Indignation and Book Bleaching, who quit his teaching job to further his research beyond the "stifling ethical limitations" of staying there. His likes include experimenting on people, cute girls, and torturing them both immediately afterwards. He dislikes normal people and priests."

He simply grinned madly.

"Right beside him is Redshirt Ricky..."

"I'm so unimportant I don't even have a cool title or wacky caption to go with me... Not even italics... Well, at least I get to fin-"

"Next is the _Maniacally Mad Maestro_, _Mad Teller of Misfortune_ and "_Metafictional_ _Extraordinaire_", whatever that means..."

"None of this is _really_ happening. There is a _dude_. With a _computer_. This is all part of his _crazy imagination_..." says the man, wearing a glittery cape, a red-and-white party hat, and a pimp bowtie.

He paused.

He pulled out a deck of cards. He drew a card.

"Hmmm, prediction today is a jumbo-sized space rock, served pipin' hot, with a nice side of chillin' explosions. Best served warm." he mumbled to himself.

"And _finally_, their team leader: _Ultt!m te133tk!LLarQu4d4_, which, if you don't speak Leetalise, translates to "_Ultimate Elite Killer Quad 4_", or just "_Quad_" to his teammates. It's said that he comes from a mystic clan from gunslingers that chooses the name of their offspring in a _brutal_ coming-of-age ritual that involves mass duels to the death with _guns,_ _knives _and _deadly nerf guns_ in specially-designed arena maps. He claims that in order to join _his_ team, you'd hav'tha pass this ritual with _flying colours_. We're here, _live_ on field with the man himself. Would you kindly tell us a bit about yourself?" the colour commenter questioned him, over a flying drone with a microphone attached to it's head.

"ya first off you get dropped off on an island crocodiles, lava and sh*t. If you gone get eaten or burned to death, then TOUGH LUCK MAN, it means you just ain't MAN enough. Then ya get randomly given a weapon, from a machine gun to cleavas to termite-mound-on-a-stick, becuz _f*ck _game balance! _f*ck_ it in the _**nads**_. TRUE MEN fight with scraps of wood and shank it in tha back of a p*ssy sniper fragots. But if you gots a gun than it's OKAY too, cuz that means you got the MOJO POWER on ya side, man, you got the MOXIE with the GAME GODS. Anyhow, you gotta kill one another with whatever u got and rack up enuff SWEET KILLS. Otha tribes get all _wussy_ and added respawn points. _My_ tribe? F*ck that, we don't _need_ no respawn points. When ya die, ya _die_, and it's up to tha great big fat dokta pepper sippin' nerd ya go! Cuz it's a test designed for REAL MEN. In fact, it's SO MANLY, that its a 'quirement for theym my team to PASS IT WITH _SKY HIGH ORBITIN' COLOUS!_ If they don't they're notquilified to join cuz they're NOOBS who can't MAN UP and sht." the leader broadcasted to any nearby ears (and microphones).

"So, basically, you're saying that _all_ of your team managed to acheive these feats?"

"Hell yeah." Quad proudly said.

"Actually..." Redshirt Ricky started. "I was the only one to pass that test, the rest just got in by either bribes or who-*BOOM*"

The team leader interrupted his teammate's speech by killing him with his assault rifle. "Shh! They weren't supposed to know that, you bloody moron!" he said to the bloody corpse.

Vivio's eyebrow twitched hard. "Bu-bu-bubu-But wasn't he your _friend!_" the blonde shouted.

"friend?" the enemy team leader verbalised. "he was just sum goddamn noob retard who couldn't tell a quickscope from a strafe jump. he was just _dead weight, __**b*tch!**_" he snarled.

Vivio balled her hands into fists.

"_Wait a second,_ Bob! If Redshirt is dead, then how the hell are the teams gonna get balanced this match!"

"You call six versus eight _balanced?_" the other announcer asked.

"Hmm... you do have a point..."

Quad the squad leader laughed it off. "It doesn't matter anyway! I can beat 'em all BY MYSELF if I felt like it. lukily for you poor girls, the only reason i use a team is because I don't want you to get _too_ hurt, so i let my less brutal teammates handle you. SO BE GODDAMN GRATEFULL!" he boasted out loud. "So the death of 1 doesn't matter. JUST BRING IT, POLESUCKERSSS!"

Both announcers looked at one another.

"Uh, _OK!_ Now that's settled, we can move on to the _next_ team! On _this_ corner..."

* * *

><p>*swing*<p>

Someone stepped in.

The new arrival was a tall, stout, hulking green man... _thing_, who looked to be in his twenties or thirties, if you can even judge whatever his age is by human ageing standards, accompanied by a troop of of smaller, if otherwise identical, green men. They all wore what appeared to be metal plate armour cobbled together from the junkyard and a nearby kitchenware shop, as well as enough black leather to make full-grown biker men _weep_. Couple _that_ with ladles strapped to their side like deadly weapons of war, and large metal strainers for helmets, and this scrap-heap armour is complete. Normally, she would call this getup "incredibly weird", but from what she'd seen so far? This might as well be formal-wear for these people.

"Hey _humie_, yer in my seat..." the biggest green man growled, grabbing a man drunk and sitting in the bar, and casually tossed him down the stairs.

The barwoman rolled her eyes. "Bar-Basher, how many times did we go over this? Extreme violence against defenceless people is against the rules. One more time and I might need to call the bouncers on you."

One of the smaller green men jumped unto the counter. "_Hey!_ Boss didn't ask no opinion from some dumb no-name humie like _you!_" he shouted.

Looking back, he suddenly took notice of Fate and her white overcoat.

The green man's eyebrows quirked.

"_Hey_, who the hell invited the _damn_ pussy-perium and their _puny_ inquishitors over here!" he shouted, standing up and walking towards her.

The barwoman frowned. "Basher, I'm warning you right now..."

"What do you want?" Fate asked, looking up from her table.

"Wat do I want? _Wat do I want!_" the hulking man exclaimed, reaching out to strangle her.

"Wat I _want_, is to _squish_ the _motherfrackin_-*_**graaak!**_*"

His arm went from "reasonably positioned" to "being twisted like a goddamn pretzel". The blonde also went from on the other side of the table to right beside him in the blink of an eye. Somehow.

"Like I _said_, what do you want? And trying to strangle me won't be very conductive." she said, holding one arm locked.

Basher closed his other hand in his fist, but realised he had a better plan.

"_Boyz_, type to show them the _hot vests!_" he shouted.

The "Boyz" opened up their armour and leather jacket to reveal, strapped underneath them...

'_A pack of TSAB-issue MRIs... Painted red..._' Fate deadpanned in her head.

"_Hyahaha_, so whassit' gonna be, it's either we get to beat the sh*t outta ya and launch ya into deep space, _or_..." he gestured all around him. "Everything here goes _KABOOM!_"

"You're threatening me with packs of military-"

"It was me."

"Huh?"

Crusher's gaze moved towards the little girl sitting beside Fate, the little girl with attitude, a stained wifebeater shirt, and clearance to drink beer, somehow.

"I... invited her here, you big lug." she said. Lies.

"Feh," said he. "Must _feel good_ to break your own rules, eh, _little girl?_" he snorted.

"Uh-huh." she said. She turned to Fate-chan.

"Ma'am, I think we need to talk outside, if you will, and _you_..."

She turned towards the green men.

"This is the last time you three will be drinking here. Get out and screw yourselves."

* * *

><p>"On <em>this<em> corner..." the announcer booms. "Is team_ Magic Titan League_, a newcomer to the scene, though not exactly unimpressive either." he said, with footage of footage of the stolen repulsor craft entering warp-speed, the dragon dogfight, and the flying train crashing into the building being shown onscreen.

"That there is one _righteous_ team name Bob, and that whole thing with the train was just frickin' awesome." Fuun commented.

"It sure is. From left to right, we have... _Charlotte Candy_, the _Dessert Witch_..."

"Hiya all!" she waved.

"_Kirsten Kracker_, the_ Witch_ of _Boxes_ and _Tech_, who claims that she can hack into your computer webcam and watch you jerk off in your parent's basement, apparently."

"_Whoo!_ I'll let her see _my_ weiner _anytime!_" Fuun said, eyeing the navy-haired girl intently.

Kirsten spoke. "Look briefly into your laptops and cellphones. Now look at me. Now look back your gadgets. You may find a magic program that allows match spectating from _every angle possible_, even from the eyes of the participants themselves..."

Everyone took out their cellphones/laptops/whatever techy device they used and _**gasped**_.

"It was already installed by me while you all weren't looking, by the way. You're welcome!"

"Holy sh*t!" Fuun exclaims, staring at his cellphone. "I can look under her _skirt_ with this app..."

"_Aaand_ now you don't get to use it anymore!" she said, immediately deleting every copy of her software remotely.

The audience groaned.

"Umm, moving on, we have the psychic girl _Tsukasa Hiiragi_..."

She shrank under the gaze of so many spectators.

"Dual-element wielder _Rio Wesley_..."

"_Hell yeah!_ I am_ f__ire_, the lightning _transformed_, or was it the other way around?" she wondered.

"_Corona Timil_, master of _golems_..."

"All your geology are belong to meee..."

"_Vivio Takamachi_, the little blonde wonder..."

"Umm... hi?" the blonde said awkwardly.

"_Finally_, in the far right, we have their _team coach_, the gorgeous redhead Kyoko Sakura!"

"Holy sh*t, is she the one who made a giant train crash into tournament headquarters!" said Fuun.

"Sure looks like it." Bob said, showing onscreen security footage of a giant steel train crashing in from the skylight, with a familiar redhead riding on the top of the head carriage and screaming incoherent battle cries.

Meamwhile, somewhere on the back row, Sayaka was contemplating hurling herself off the nearest cliff at high speed.

"Wow, holy motherf*cking _shit_. That train looked like it was destined to go a million feet under, but at the last minute... _something_ made it _jump_, motherfrickin' _jump_ like a large metal kangaroo-snake hybrid _right __**over**_ it, and made it _fly_ the rest of the way like it was the f*cking _Time Train_ with motherf*cking _**Parkinsons Disease**_..." Fuun said, wildly computer scribbling over slow-mo footage of the insane feat.

"Yes, absolutely incredible. Now, a word from our lady of the hour: Who are you? What do you do?, and most importantly of all..."

"What the _**hell **_were you _**on**_ back there, miss!" the more colourful announcer yelled.

"Ah, yes, that feat. My thought processes were rather simple back then. Carefully timed and _**powerful**_ enough explosions can make you jump _very_ high; **Big** bombs make **big** explosions _Aaand __**Big**_ jumps can cover _**gigantic**_ gaps. Really, It was all perfectly common sense to bind those three together. My brilliant scheme didn't have anything to do with mind-altering substances except the adrenaline in my skull. Now then, any more questions?" Kyoko boasted with an unusually refined demeanor.

"Umm, rocket jump?"

"Well, it was more like a nuke jump, actually..."

* * *

><p>"Using the force of a nuke to make a train fly... <em>Man<em>, I wonder how you'll top that..." Kagami muttered, looking through binoculars

"Yeah, well, if that's the only trick in her hand, I doubt she'll last long in the next segment..." a girl sitting right next to them commented.

"Oh, trust me, that back there was just one trick. She's got way more crazy in her arsenal..." the purplette said. "Besides, they look like overacheiving douches, especially their boss. What makes you so confident that they'll totally have them beat?" she asked.

"Well, you can't argue with the results! They were grand champions for the _last five __years!_ They're nearly _unstoppable!_ I should know, I was there. They were one of the countless no-name teams of the '12, the type that were mostly ignored and forgotten, but they _really_ got the attention when they strapped the former Grand Champions unto a rocket and blasted them to god-knows-where in a crazy scheme that looked like it came from the mind of someone who catches roadrunners! I mean, I don't know about you guys, or those other guys, or the fact that they added some no-name as a replacement, but if the newcomers don't get lucky soon, that they'll be flattened into the very soil itself." the girl next to them concluded.

"Wow, you're quite the tourney nerd, aren't you?" the purplette deadpanned.

"And what's _wrong_ with bein' nerdy about something?" she asked, hands on hips.

"I can think of a few things...by the way, is there a betting station around here?" the purplette asked.

* * *

><p>After fiddling around with the controls for a bit, the operators made the previously flat rooftop of the arena morph. It changed, as if secretly moulded by many invisible hands, into a mass of buildings, some short, some tall, with every architectural feature known to mankind and some unknown. To the enemy's side, there were rows of houses, all alike, like an archetypical suburb, while it was more cluttered and urban on our heroines' side. It was all buildings, as far as the eye can see, with the sole exception of one side, which looked like an artificial resort, wih an artificial beach. The referee was perched on the tallest, being twice as high as anything else there. All in all, it looked like a mocking 1:1 scale model of urban development.<p>

The referee moved over to a microphone that wasn't there before, and tested it a few times before speaking.

"Alright, you know the ground rules..." the referee said, standing on the tip of a tall mosque, overlooking the map. "And there's only one. _No outside help,_ got it?"

He clapped. "Now then, if you're all _quite_ ready..."

They all nodded or grunted in response. They were all ready.

He dramatically puts his hands together in an "X" shape.

"_GO!_"

A large bell from nowhere rings, and the battle starts.

Vivio ran forward, transformed and jumped right into the leader's face.

"The f*ck! _Vivio!_" Kyoko shouted, running after her.

Grinning, the enemy leader snapped his fingers, and suddenly, from a certain radius around him, a _sandstorm_ came out of _nowhere_. Thousands of gallons of sand and dust, whisting around in an intense wind, all of it conjured out of what was then clean, unsullied and unburdened air.

"Ah, Kyoko-sempai!" Tsukasa shouted.

The rest of the girls tried to run after them, but they blocked by a building collapsing in front of them.

"Haha!" the Mad Maestro laughed as he jumped in the middle of their group.

"Let's see... leader already has the blonde loli, sooo..."

He dodged one attack and blocked another one without missing a beat.

"Lessee... the mage-lolis for he crazy chick..."

He turned around and punted Miura through a nearby building, before doing the same to Rio and Corona.

"Ah! _Little girls!_" Kirsten exclaimed.

"_Oh_, and _herr doktor_ would surely appreciate witches to get a hold of, the ones he _captures_ by himself tends to _die_ for some reason..."

He punched Kirsten through the wall over in a completely different direction.

He deflected a hard candy projectile with a playing card.

"_Wait!_ Aren't you a witch that makes _desserts!_ I _love_ desserts!" he squealed. "If it would result in infinite pies for _me_, I should give you to Dr. Morry for _further research!_" he screamed, pulling up Charlotte by her collar and throwing her over to Kirsten's direction.

"Ah! _Oh no_, Charlotte!" Tsukasa said.

The Madman slowly turned and looked at her...

The purplette's sweat rate increased.

* * *

><p>Looking up, Quad saw a little blonde girl, unfazed by the sandstorm around her, flying towards him in blind rage.<p>

"Graaaaaaaaahh! You're going_ down!_" she screamed.

"try me" he said, as the blonde's righteous fist meets his outstretched palm, and a large dust explosion happened.

"Ah!" the blonde grunted, as she was sent flying into the window of a building. Just before they broke eye contact, the blonde could him pull out a gun, which transformed into a huge, man-sized rifle.

"_stupid noob,_ do u even know who youre getting into a fight with? And in a _sandstorm_, noless. i'm the _great u__ltimate leet killa q 4_, and _you?_ yor a _SHRIMP!_" he shouted.

'Okay_, so jumping full-power into the enemy leader wasn't very smart(_Damn_ my Takamachi her__itage!), but as long as I'm in this building, away from the sandstorm, I should be fine..._'

All of a sudden, the winds grew strong enough to lift the entire building she was in. The building tilted, leaving her tumbling out of a window.

"_Gah!_"

The moment she hit the ground, she gets fired upon on all sides by gunfire!

'SOMEONE _HELP MEEE!_'

* * *

><p>*THUMP*<p>

"Ah!"

*thump**thump* *thump*

"Ow..."

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!"

*_THUMP_*

"_Owwww_, my _head_..." Charlotte moaned in pain.

Kirsten quickly stood up and looked around. They were obviously not outdoors anymore.

She spotted an office chair behind a very classy office table.

It swiveled around.

"_Welcome_, little girls. Welcome to your do-..."

Kirsten blinked.

The man in the white coat froze mid-speech.

"...-om..."

The doctor pulled his glasses down and looked at the navy blue-haired girl.

"Amazing... _Magnificent_..." he said, as he leered at Kirsten a little too closely. "I know I've seen you on the screen before, but seeing you up close is something els_SSE!_"

Kirsten kicked him the crotch.

Hard.

"Owowowowowwowow, now _that_ was totally _uncalled for!_" he said, grabbing his crotch in agony.

"That's what you get by _touching_ me, you _freak!_" she answered, folding her arms.

She then noticed something on her right leg...

She looked down to see, and to her horror, she found that her right leg, the same leg she used to kick him in the nads with, was totally covered in big, red _ants_.

"!"

*GACK!*

"Kir-chan!" Charlotte ran over to her friend and tried to assess what was up with her, as she was coughing up blood.

"Kirsten? _Kirsten! _What's wrong!" she worriedly asked. Then she spotted the ants covering half of her right leg.

It was ghastly. Blood-red ants were crawling up-and-down the girl's leg, pulling small chunks of flesh out of her skin and causing streaks of blood to cover her lower leg.

"You fell for my _trap_, you _fools_!" he said, holding up an arm. "I have a trained colony of size-shifting ants that reside in my body and hide under my pores and the seams of my clothing, trained to eat up anyone that's more delicious than me on _contact!_ In a minute, they will devour your little friend there _completely_, from the _inside-out!_ Look at you, you look _pathetic_ right now!" he giggled madly.

"Ch-Charlotte-chan... it... hurts..." Kirsten said, falling over.

She looked up and stared at him.

He laughed like there was nothing coming to him.

Charlotte's face hardened.

"Hahahahahahahaha-_Ompf!_"

The doctor got a faceful of cake for his laughter.

He wiped the cake and frosting off his face. "Why you... _HEY! _Get back to _feeding!_" he shouted.

Charlotte looked down slightly, and there she saw, at the foot of her enemy, were the same deadly ants crawling off of Kirsten's arm and feeding on the fallen cake and frosting. That gave Charlotte an idea.

Summoning up her greatest magic reserves, she launched the sweetest of caramel and cake frosting at her opponent. Not just sweet, though. _Super_-sweet! _HYPER_-sweet! _So_ sweet, it'll make the enamel of even the most die-hard sweet tooth turn into gooey sludge. It's so sweet the _stench_ of it fills the air. The air that gives the feeling of sugar, _sugar_ _**everywhere!**_

"!"

And the doctor was covered head-to-toe with it.

Labouring, she willed the sweet stuff to go under his _skin_, to _infect_ his bloodstream, to _fuse_ with his muscular tissue, making him half-man and half-_dessert_.

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

Heaving, Charlotte collapsed.

Sensing a gigantic treat more delicious(and sweet) than the leg they're chewing on now, they left Kirsten's leg and marched over to the pitiful Dr Morry. The ants living inside him also happened to notice that their owner seems a lot more sweeter now.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

The doctor screamed in agony as his own flesh-eating ants ate him alive from the inside-out. As she nursed her injured right arm, Kirsten winced, but ignored him. He was trying to do the same to her, after all. She turned and quickly looked at Charlotte. She looked horrible. She was so thin, you could see the bones. Her skin was an unhealthy shade of sickly white, and she looked like she would've been eaten alive by vultures if left in the desert too long.

"Charlotte? _Charlotte!_" Kirsten yelled, shaking her pink-haired friend back-and-forth.

This was bad. This was very, very, _very_ bad.

Kirsten tried to go through every medical file in her magical hard drive, and did a brief medical scan of her body via an app she made "just in case"...

It was a classic case of magical overexertion. An overuse of one's own mana system, leading the body to cannibalise itself in it's quest to stabalise itself. It's one of the lead causes of magic-user death that doesn't involve explosions. Or impalement. The only way to save an overexerted magic-user is to cut out the main magic-using organ. In this case, it's her soul, her swirling spring of passion and emotion. Being Puella Magi, this was the how their magic worked, by pure human willpower and emotion, which carried on even into the next world...

She gritted her teeth.

F*ck this...

_F*ck this..._

She wasn't a doctor, but she did consider herself a very precise person, and _damn it_ if she wasn't going to save her little pink bundle of joy!

She put on her magic lenses, did some calculations in her head and quickly focused mana into her hand.

She straddled her emaciated body and put a firm hand to her neck.

"Charlotte... I'm so sorry about this..."

She plunged a hand inside.

* * *

><p>*thump*<p>

The cashier at the betting counter looked up to see quite a large bag of money being dumped in front of her.

"What will you be betting on, Ma'am?" she asked boredly, spotting the tiny, teenaged figure behind the huge pile of moolah.

"I'll bet..." Kagami started. "...that Kyoko will end this team match with the most excessively destructive maneuver of the match... and that she'll gloat extraneously about it right after." the purplette said, not missing a beat.

"Oh? You seem confident in your predictions..." the cashier said, looking up from her magazine.

"Probably because they weren't predictions..." the purplette looked the cashier straight in the eye. "They're _facts_, true and blue, miss."

* * *

><p>"Now then, now that we're <em>alone<em>..." the weirdly-dressed man cackled evilly.

"U-Um..." Tsukasa shook.

She took a deep breath.'_Calm down, girl. You're not going__ to do anything while your panicking_' she said to herself.

Putting down her foot, Tsukasa draws in a deep breath, and prepares too...

Talk.

"Maestro-san, I know there's nothing you look forward to more than having the fight of your life, but I feel I have a _very good reason_ for you to let us win, and I can _prove it_ to you!" she said, with as much mustered-up confidence as she can.

The Mad Maestro looked intruiged, almost aroused, at this turn of events. "Ohoho, what do we have here? A young lady, willing to use diplomacy, how _delightful!_ I've never used diplomacy myself, so I'm _oh so curious_ at what being talked to death feels like..." he hisssed.

Tsukasa shook. She breathed in slowly and calmed her nerves. "Umm..." she started.

"The... The reason we joined this competition is for neither fame nor fortune..."

"Oh, _really_, now! C'mon, tell me what your almighty reason is! Pretty please?" he said, jumping up and down like a hyperactive monkey on steroids.

Upon hearing this, the purplette somehow found the resolve(and the right words) to keep on going.

"We are looking for the last few of the legendary Soul Cards, artefacts that can summon a being of unimaginable power, and can be used to rend the fabric of time, space and reality asunder..." she said.

She froze. She wasn't normally _this_ well spoken! Especially in English, which she only had the most basic luck in anyway. Yet, she was _comp__elled_ somehow...

"Our enemy has plans to use these cards for herself, a Multi-Dimensional Conqueror from outside this multiverse entirely, and from that, we can safely assume that she has nothing but ill intentions in obtaining artefacts this powerful..." she continued.

He tilted her head.

"Boo-riingg..." he said.

"Huh?"

"You didn't really give me a good enough sales pitch. In fact, it's _horrible_. It's weak, stilted, lacks compassion _and_ you're trying to convince me with a talking point that I don't give two sh*ts about! I might as well drink coffee laced with _cheese powder_. So no, no thanks. I don't really see why someone being a vandalising ass is reason enough to stop, so Let's hurry up and get on with throwing each other around like _good fighters_ should!" he said, assuming a fierce fighting stance.

The purplette froze.

"What? Why?" she asked.

"Well, if whoever your talking about actually screws the fabric of time and space a new one, I could always go somewhere else, I mean, it's not like the multiverse doesn't have a lot of space, after all..."

She gulped. "But if we fail, millions might die. _Die_!" she emphasised, waving her noodly arms around.

"_Hah_, like I said, why in all of the seven layers of hell should I care? I only live for the strong ones, the ones that can _move mountains_ and _split rivers!_ The ones that I can fight with and then party _till the end of time itself!_ All of those fans, those spectators, those cameramen, announcers, cannon fodders, little kits, circus freaks, single moms, new-age retro hippies, I don't give a flying fish about any of them. To me, they might as well be nobody, because they aren't even the tiniest bit strong, and therefore, not fun to play with..."

She gritted her teeth. "But what about _you?_ Aren't you worried about yourself?" she asked.

"Like I said, little girl, there nothing stopping me from doing the chicken dance the moment reality gets kicked in the balls. After all, all the powerful men and women of battle I know don't live near here. They say it's filled with the _stench of w__eaklings_. And you know what? _Screw_ your compassion, I only joined because I like to crush the egos of overconfident insects, and watch their expressions of despait and humiliation, but you don't mourn when your toys get broken, do you? _No_, you get a _new on__e!_ And the multiverse has no shortage of cannon fodder for me to torture..." he grinned sadistically.

"Wait, K-Kyoko-san's really strong! I _know_, I've seen her myself. *shiver* But also, you never might know. Me, my friends, all the people you dismiss as "weaklings" might not be later on. I mean, great warriors start _somewhere_, right? Even the most elite of the elite didn't start at level 9000, you know? Everyone had to start _someplace_. So, I ask of you, if you could aid us, or at the very least, ignore us, then do it not for us, but for _them_..."

Silence.

'_ that he BOUGHT that..._' she hoped.

"Hmmm..." the strangely-dressed man mused, before jumping up to his feet in triumph. That really _could_ work! I just never realised it because all I get fed are punkish _dumbasses_ that couldn't even last six minutes in a boxing match with a _god__damn pony_. _**Finally**_, a _revelation!_. You are _truly_ a godess among mortals, miss... miss?"

"Hiiragi..."

"Ah, yes! Ms. He-Man-Ragi! How positively _daft_ of me, it was mentioned in the opening intrductions! _Nice_ to have met you, missus..." he said, grabbing her hand and shaking it vigorously. "... and _now_ I'll bee sodding off, _adieu!_"

And with that, he then proceded to ran to the edge of a giant, nearby window and do a flying jump right out of it.

"_Whoah_ there! Is this scene really what I'm seeing? Did the Mad Maestro just jump off the edge to his possible doom! Has he finally flipped out? Did he realise his life of fighting and training weren't worth it anymore!" the colour commentor exclaimed like crazy.

All of a sudden, Maestro popped out of a nearby cupboard. "By the way, your stand power is _so cool_. I like, met 'em and got an autograph from him and everything. Squeal to him for me! And cheerio!" he said.

"Huh? Wait! What do you..."

He disappears.

"...mean."

* * *

><p><strong>Sometimes, I wonder why I even <strong>**bother to do something like this, then I remember that there ****are stupider fanfics out there, so I should just shut up and write my own goddamn fanfic.**

**Man, inner me is cool.**


	12. A Grand Lunar Finish!

**I hope you're all enjoying this, because **_**I **_**certainly am.**

* * *

><p>Kyoko would be walking forward right now. In fact, she would've, if not for living, breathing, waste of oxygen that was confronting her right now.<p>

It was that Hale bastard.

"_Haha_, so we meet again, redhead _b*tch!_ Now, you may be thinkin' of _punchin' me out_, but let me tell you something, that_ ain't happenin'_, red, that _ain't happenin'_! My popularity with the ladies _proves_ it!. I've wrestled _bears_, _snakes_, _crocodiles_, _buildings_ and sh*t all across the _motherf*cking world!_. I've even fought _Gods_, babe. You know who struck the killin' blow on Deuszilla when he was rampagin' across Athens? It was _me_, _**moth*rf*cker**_, _PURE AND SIMPLE!_" he stretched out his arms to the sky. "Are you _ready_ to get your nerves tO_Mmpf!_"

"_Why don't you __**shut the hell up!**_"

Kyoko puched him in the face.

Hard.

Hard enough to send him smaking through a wall, in fact.

"_Ouch_, that was _nice_ one, ladies' and gentlemen!" the colour commenter said.

"A bit sudden, though, don't you think?"

"Nope!"

Kyoko pulled back her fist, revealing that she had miniature spears tucked right in-between the fingers, pointing forward.

"Didn't your parents teach you to respect women?" she asked, cracking her knuckles hardly.

"Geez, I wonder why the hell you have so many fans, given your obnoxious as f*ck attitude and all that..." Kyoko wondered aloud, walking over his barely-conscious body. She shrugged.

"Ah well. Don't need to waste my time on obnoxious small fry..." she said, walking off into the sandstorm.

* * *

><p>*patter**patter**patter**patter*<p>

The rapid pattering of rapid footsteps were heard.

"_Hurry,_ we need to find the others!" Corona shouted.

Going straight into the center of the enemy zone would be, of course, suicide. Only someone headstrong and hardheaded to the point where they could break diamond would dare charge into the middle of it. So of course, _of course_, Vivio did so.

She just hoped she didn't end up with her lungs filled with sandstorm dust. That'll be nasty.

A fourth pattern of footsteps was suddenly heard.

"Huh? Who's there!" Miura shouted.

"_Heheheheheheh_... I am so _goddamn_ lucky to be the one meeting you girls right now... I don't think I could've held it in any longer..." Narcissa Bloodwen said from behind her, as she bit her finger and lustily licked the blood off of it.

*scchwing!*

"!"

*chink* *chichink*

She sensed a small metal object flying towards her at obscene speeds, and she quickly raised a hand to block it.

'_Phew, that was a close one. If I'd spent any more time lusting over them. my neck would've been red chunky salsa_...' she thought to herself, backing up and looking at the trio of girls before her.

'_Let's see... There's a real physical type up in front, there's the typical squishy bookworm down at back(Who're usually the ones with the most stamina. Shocking, I know), and some other kid whom I suspect is melee too, but I'm not entirely sure..._' she thought to herself, assesing the situation at hand.

The woman grinned. Oh how she would pleasure herself to these toys.

"Oh, don't worry, little girl, I'll be gentle..." she lewdly said, moving quickly and putting her hands on Miura's shoulders.

"G-G-Get away from me!" she warned, kneeing her in the stomach.

*CRASSSH!*

It was only a feeling, a light one, at that, but she could've sworn she felt something draining from her, something very important...

"_My, _that was a _wonderful_ strike you had there, cutie pie..." the enemy said, rising from the ground a few metres away.

She shifted her head to dodge yet another fast as hell projectile (Where the hell were they coming from?), and jumped up and over the group...

She took down a golem...

She threw hunks of it back towards them...

Then, she rushed forward to meet the forward combatants in melee.

One punch.

Countered.

"_Hyaah!_"

Swift kick.

Dodged under.

"_Kraaah!_"

Fire infused strikes.

Singed. Even if only barely

"_Grraah!_"

_Rocks!_

Mere stone is no match for her martial-arts training.

"Wu-_yaaah!_"

It wasn't a full fledged kick to the face, since the little tot diverted her leg it at the last moment to graze only the side of her face.

Which was enough.

Miura jumped back, stumbling, and launched a high-powered flying kick...

Only to get her leg in the way of devastating downwards chop, breaking her upper leg bone. She then got socked in the face by a flurry of fists that, in retrospect, she should've been able to dodge.

Come to think of it, she should've been able to tell by instinct that making an outrageous kick like that, while the opponent was totally unoccupied, was basically an open invitation for the opponent to kick your ass.

"Hahaha, _foolish girl_, all of your training is _useless_ now! My Stand, "_No More_", allows me to steal other people's _fighting skills _on_ touch!_ _Every_ bit of muscle memory, all of the _hundreds_ of your hours spent sparring, training, _fighting_ against man and machine, all of it is _gone_ now!" the woman said with a wide, eriee grin.

"Umm... mind if we ask, miss, but what's a "Stand"?" Corona asked, clearly flustered.

She spared the silvette a look.

"Find it out yourself."

She looked back at Miura.

"Now then..."

Casually lifting the peachette's little arm, she began to break an arm, crack her ribs with a powerful strike to the chest, and brutally twisted her shoulder, turning it into living, fleshy equivalent of twist pasta.

"GYAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" the peach-haired girl screamed in pain.

* * *

><p>"<em>AAH!<em> _AAH!_ It _hurts!_ It _hurts!_ Kirsten-chan, I can't take it anymore!"

"Charlotte! I'm sorry, Charlotte, I'm _so sorry_, but _please endure it a little bit more!_" Kirsten pleaded.

The pink-haired girl wailed even more.

It was supposed to be a simple operation. The few files on emergency soul extraction said as much. Just reach into chest with a mana-saturated hand and pull it out, then quickly transfer soul to clean container. You don't even need to cut anything.

Of course, said "simple operation" becomes a thousand times more complicated if you _don't have anesthesia_.

"S-Stay still, Charlotte! I'm almost done!" the navy blue-haired girl shouted.

She had no choice but to put her pink-haired friend into a one-handed straddling chokehold on the ground, stopping her from struggling around too much. Her other hand was already in Charlotte's body, following the feelings of warmth and emotion that she felt more strongly the closer she was to her soul. Souls return to the body in the next life, if you were wondering.

Shifting carefully, she slowly moved her hand and pulled out the small, warm, spinning torrent of willpower and emotion that is her soul from her body.

Charlotte's body slackens.

"*sigh*, thank good-"

*stretch*

"-ness!"

The soul she was grasping _stretched_ and _grew_. Within the sweet glowing light, Kirsten could sense... darkness?

*Kr**Au**_**u**__gh_erFFr**fFD**J_Fe__**f**_**dDF**_**w**__F_WE**F**_**f**__FfFf!_*

_Wrapped in the ensnaring **DARK**NESS the** crow the lolc**at crow screams the scream of a thousand screeching tape **recorders the **sweetsweet symphony of a cr**ying girl resonates with 9000 year old white birdies w**ith slit eyes and giant rods o**verlooking the lan t**ea party of naked, screaming girls wielding boxes and w**earing orgi**es, bashing each other's heads in a**nd sucking out their brains ****through a straw in their **_EAR_**S**SSsSssSS**Ss**._

Kirsten didn't knew what she was fighting against, exactly, but she knew that if she lost, the consequences would be _very_ severe.

*struggle* *struggle*

_Boxes, BoxesBoxesBoxes... BOXES EVERYWHERE! Boxes which are cardboard! Boxes which sre made of fine lacquered wood!_

"S-Stop! _Stop it!_"

_Oh, but you know you can't resist BOXES, Kir-chan, BOXES, especially the Hard, Opaque ones, because people don't like their secrets hanging out, do they, Kir-chan?_

"S-Stop talking in Charlotte's voice! You're not Charlotte! I've _seen_ Charlotte, I've _felt_ her! You're sultry voice can't replace Charlotte's!"

_Oh, but I'm not trying to be Charlotte..._

All of a sudden, Kirsten felt a searing pain within her heart.

She screamed.

**I AM YOUR ABANDONED GRIEF MADE MANIFEST!**

"AAAAAAHH!"

Her mind warped into a mindscape of overwhelming despair. She was naked and kneeling, wrapped in unbreakable chains made of black fire. Right next to her was an equally naked and chained up Charlotte, except she has her eyes closed, her head down and her mouth hanging open.

A deranged black wind hit her face.

Confronting her were two foul, unspeakable beasts, slithering in and out of one another. One was a giant flatscreen monitor, on which the image of a young girl with long hair over her face was seen. Slithering in and out of the monitor, in and out of reality, was a long, multicoloured giant caterpillar, who looked as though it was made out of sweets, stitched and animated together, like Frankenstein's monster.

The long haired girl spoke with Kirsten's own voice, filtered, as if said through a headphone.

_heeey theeere, elly..._

"Oh, you're referring to me by my screen name now?" Kirsten asked.

_Yep! I know how much the good old days, of going online and trying to become an internet star, trying to let the world know that you still matter, WHICH YOU ARE!_

"Yeah, I remember... I did that when I was young, before Kyubey contracted with me... but then I realised, I didn't want to become an internet star because it was fun doing so, but because I wanted validation for my existence..."

_Yeeesss, and wouldn't you want that now? Look at you now, how many people know your name? How many people know YOU? Even the majority of your peers in Heaven don't know. All you have to your name are two tots and a minor Goddess. So HOW ABOUT IT, elly, HOW ABOUT IT? We can have SO MUCH FUN together :D_

She looked up at it with uninterested eyes.

"Lady, I'm currently allied with Sayaka Miki, a Hero of Justice, and Kyoko Sakura, someone who could probably annihilate you a million times over if she wanted to. We're currently working together to, possibly, save the multiverse!"

With newfound strength, she snapped out of her chains and stood upright, staring down the darkness with righteous anger. "And here you are, a _monster_, trying to waste my time with delusions of granduer. Even if I _have_ no-one else, I still have _Charlotte_, goddammit! She been with me through _thick_ and _thin_. I know her more intimately than lovers ever will! And _Gertude!_ I need to stay Kirsten, for _Gert!_ She's also been with me, through the _hard times_, through the _easy times_, and while she may not be here with us right now... I _know_, with all my heart, that we'll _meet again!_ We have all the time in the world, after all... And if you're trying to distract me from doing good by appealing to desires I have long since disposed of, then do you even know who the _**hell**_ I am, _lady!_ WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!"

She rushed forward, howling and smashed the monitor into a million pieces...

*SNAP*

...

There were two points of light in front of her, one glowing with hints of pink, of sweetness and cuteness, but with a dark side of greed... the other, harbouring an electric blue hue, harbouring the act of harbouring, of keeping sacred secrets and dark secrets side-by-side, never knowing the difference until it was too late...

The latter rushed towards her and went down her throat, surprising her somewhat. The former floated to her open palm.

Now, only one more thing remains...

'Where the hell do I put this?' she asked herself. She can't this _forever_, it'll _dissipate!_

Kirsten panicked for a few seconds, before realising that, along with her prodigious skill with technological magic, she was also the _Box Witch_...

She facepalmed.

Conjuring up a small wooden box, she kept the soul within it.

She stood up, pinkette-over-shoulder.

"Now then, I wonder where the objective is..."

* * *

><p>"Miura!" Corona shouted, who tried to make something resembling an attack before Narcissa threw the peach-haired girl into the silvette, putting them in a heap.<p>

Towering over the two girls, she grinned sadistically. She turned towards a nearby wall and slowly raised an arm...

"Shu-_ra!_"

The wall, and the building it's a part of, exploded with great prejudice, all the debris flying away from the fist.

She held up her arms and cracked her knuckles.

"Ah, I remember your breed of magician... the confused types that happen to stumble scross dimensions to _our_ domain. It was always to fun to screw with them. I remember this _one time_, when an exploration force stumbled across a magic shop, which they claimed was lost technology. It was bull, of course, but since it was an old, old shop, we decided to humour them and gave it away, but not before cursing the shop and all it's contents to curse whoever handles them to an unavoidable, painful death..."

The silver-haired girl's eyes widened. "I-I heard of those before! The cursed black logia! I thought they were just coincidences, but..."

She leaned closer. _"Oh,_ and there was also this time when one of our magic mikos checked into a magic clinic. It was clear that she could use magic, her body was absolutely _flooded_ with it, and she even demonstrated a few spells. But guess what, they couldn't find a Linker Core! She had _none!_ She showed me the pictures later, and they were _hilarious,_ flailing around in confusion at the break in one of their "scientifically proven" rules of magic... Of course, others take the cruder route, hunting down and killing exploration teams on uncharted worlds and in deep space for sport, but I think these people are _much too uncreative..._"

Grinning, she towered over the two.

"Even so, even if they'll come down on me hard, seeing the faces you'll make when you'll be begging for your lives is worth _any_ punishment..." she snarled and grinned, raising a hand, on which her fingernails grew as sharp as the edge of a well-maintained katana.

Rio's eyes widened.

"_Don't __**touch them!**_"

A twin pair of flying dragons, one made of fire, another made of lightning, flied towards Narcissa, making her soar into the next building over...

*_CRASSSH!_*

...causing the building on fall on top of her.

*rumble* *rumble*

"Hey, genius, you alright?" she asked, helping her up.

"I... think..." the silver-haired girl said, shifting out of her friend's grip. "But her power is trouble some... A power to steal away fighting skill... That probably means she steals our combative muscle memory and fighting instincts. Unbelievable, that's the craziest ability I've ever seen..."

"That doesn't mean she can't be beat! Miu still had her BJ aftertouching her, so I think she can't steal our magic too... C'mon, I think I have a plan..."

Rio rapidly whispered something into Corona's ear and her eyes widened, before nodding rapidly.

The darker-haired girl then ran off into the nearest alleyway.

"Y-You... bastards..." Narcissa grumbled, dusting dust and debris from her body.

*rumble* *rumble*

All the dust and debris slowly floated towards her, and started to stick unto her body.

"What the..."

Once she realised what the other girl was doing, she jumped clear out of the area immediately.

She landed behind the young silvette.

"Nice try."

She rushed the little girl.

"Damn!"

Corona then threw a golem at her.

*BHWAAM!*

The magically put-together puppet of rock was kicked through easily.

"A puppet-master, eh?"

"They're _golems!_" the silvette angrily retorted.

"Whatever, It's the same in practice." she said, dashing forward to meet her. in melee. Corona jumped up and kicked her in the chin with surprising strength. She then ran off.

"Gah, that _hurt_, goddamit!" Narcissa grumbled angrily."I'll _kill you_, you sh*tty brat!"

She ran down after her.

* * *

><p><em>*RATATATATATATATATATA...*<em>

'_I can't... t_*hrrgh*_ake it anymore!_' Vivio screamed inwardly.

*sk_kring!_*, the bullets ring as they fly off into the distance, reflected by an unknown force.

"Huh? Who..."

Vivio opened her eyes to see a purple-haired girl standing over her.

"Hey."

"T-Tsukasa-san?"

She nodded.

All of a sudden, the gunfire intensified even more.

"_Gyah!_ V-Vivio-san, I can't hold the bullets off for much longer! What's his ability?"

"I-I'm not totally sure, but I think he conjured up this sandstorm, Tsu-chan..."

_*RATATATATATATATATATA...*_

"Gah! _Vivio_, let _hide!_"

They slipped quickly but quietly away from the area and into a nearby visible house, shielded by the dust storm and a psychic cloak of invisibility.

The door was closed _very_ tightly.

They both collapsed against a wall.

"So, Tsu-san..."

"Umm, Vivio-chan..."

"Do you have any ideas!" they both asked a once.

"...hehe..."

"S-Stop, Vivio! They... err... _he_ might hear us..."

"Oh, sorry for that, Tsu-chan..."

"So, like before, if you have _any_ ideas, please tell them to me, Vivio-chan. I'm just an ordinary girl that happened to step into the magical multiverse completely by chance, but _you_, your mom was _career military!_ You said were learning the basics of magic years before I gave up my dollies! You even said you trained against the best your world had to offer, Vi-chan! Surely, you know how to think your way out of this..."

"Tsu-chan, fighting strong opponents one-on-one doesn't exactly prepare me for being hunted down..."

"..."

"But _don't worry!_ It's not our situation is hopeless or anything..." the blonde reassured her. "Let's see... we're trapped in a sandstorm right now, holed up in some worn-out house. The only ones we have are me, a mage specialising in close-combat with some long-ranged options, and _you_... umm..."

Tsukasa sighed. "Telepathy, Invisibility and the ability to create an energy cage..." she listed off with her fingers.

"The last one seems strangely specific... I don't think he uses magic, though. I sense no magic on him."

"I think all his abilities are tech-based. Sayaka-san always liked to talk about all the non-magic fighters she met on her travels..." the purplette suggested.

"Ah! So maybe, I can take him out in_ one shot!_" the blonde said.

"We're in a _sandstorm_, though. And we also got attacked from several different directions too, remember that..."

"Oh."

...

***BLAAM!***

A large chunk of the wall blew up beside them. In through the gaping hole came a foursome of fearsome robots, hovering in mid-air, scanning the room with their solitary red eyestalk.

The two girls only barely kept themselves from yelping.

...

Looking beside her, Vivio spotted a tin canon the floor next to her.

[Scanning Main Living Quarters: COMMENCE]

Before they could start searching the room they were in, though, a tin can was thrown in the air. From the robot's point of view, the can would've come down from upstairs, since it landed on the bottom few steps of the staircase, and came clattering down the steps to the floor.

*clatter* *clatter* *clatter*

"**!**"

*!*

*clang* *clang*

...

[TARGET: HERE]

Out of nowhere, a gigantic laser, with a width large enough to swallow a truck whole, exploded out of the center of the storm. It collided with the house the robots were in(and every other house in the vicinity as well), and blew it up. Utterly. Turning it into a streak of ash on the ground...

In the house on the other side of the street, though, the two girls were holed inside.

"That was one _big_ laser..." the purple-haired girl muttered.

"I wonder how it compares to mama's... _Anyway,_ I think get it now! He's using robots to scout out areas that he can shoot with his massive laser gun! ...I think..." Vivio pondered. "Well, I think it's him because of the big gun he was holding, but whoever is firing that massive beam, we need to take 'em out, fast!" she concluded, her hands in fists.

Tsukasa put on her magic zooming lenses and tried to peer into the giant beam's source.

"Vivio... What's the range on your Sonic Shooter?"

"I heard that my beam can cover a football field, maybe a little more, but I'm not exactly sure, since it doesn't really matter to a hand-to-hand cambatant like me..."

"Well, it's important _now._"

Vivio peered out the window beside her. "Even if I _could_ get my magic to go much further, I can't hit him without knowing where he is! We need to get _closer!_"

"But _how?_ There are probably more of those patrols out there, and he can _destroy_ us with that attack of his, how can we... we..."

The purplette looked down at the street.

Vivio looked at her with worry. "Tsu-chan, what's wrong?"

"Vivio-san, have you noticed that when we were escaping, there seem to be more than a few inches of sand covering the streets right now?"

"Yeah... you could hide a person under that much sand..."

The two girls looked at each other.

* * *

><p>Narcissa was almost downright insulted. That little twat, instead of facing her face-to-face in pitched combat, she would run away while sending her constructs in the way <em>constantly<em>. It was all so friggin annoying!

Sighing, she faced yet another wave of enemies. One of the golems charged in. She put a fist through it's stone gut and threw it at another charging golem, turning both of them into steaming piles of wreck. Another golem snuck an attack behind her, kicking her back. Annoyed, she retorted by grabbing the damn thing and ripping it in two.

She saw the brat round an alleyway.

She followed.

Chasing after her, Narcissa suddenly felt the wind of the sea on her face. Looking ahead of her, she saw that she was chasing the little brat all the way to the beach area.

After sending yet another wave of golems at her, the little shrimp turned around curled her mouth into what appeared to be... a smirk? With her hands behind her back.

It's been approximately fifteen minutes since you've threatened to kill me. Yet I'm still here! Is it maybe because your bored of me or something? her smirk grew wider.

"In _fact_, you seemed rather _annoyed_ at having to fight through all of my constructs before getting to the "Grand Prize". In fact, if I had to guess, is it maybe that you're _weaker_ than what you think? It happens. I've heard stories..." she said, shrugging.

Narcissa shook.

That damn smile returned to her face again."_Orrr_... _**May~be**_, you actually _like_ me..."

The woman gritted her teeth in raw anger.

"Why you... cocky little _sh*t!_"

The woman ran like the bloody wind towards her.

She threw a forceful punch to her gut...

"GO..."

...then a kick to her head.

"TO _HEELLL!_"

*THUMP*

A vicious pain shot through Bloodwen's arm and leg.

"_Ouch!_ What the..."

The hand she punched her with was bleeding from the knuckles, and there were bruises along her fingers. The foot she kicked with was also felt broken and seemingly bent out of shape.

All the kid got was a stone-esque cracks(cracks?) across her face. The kid had only budged a few inches, either.

"_Who_, or _What_ the _f*ck_ are you?" she asked.

"Oh, I'm just a sh*tty brat, nothing special..." she said.

Narcissa wanted to punch her in the face with her other hand for saying that, but she didn't come this far for being an idiot.

She tried lifting her into a throw, but almost to her non-surprise, it seemed like she was _bolted_ into the ground!

Now, what to do, what to do...

The silver-haired girl then stuck her tongue out. "_Bleh!_ You're _this_ close to beating me up, and yet you _can't do it!_" she said, widening the sides of her mouth with her fingers and wiggling her tongue at her. "And I even saw you break down a building with your _bare hands!_ So why can't you break through a soft little girl like me? What happened? Did you get bitten by a bedbug last night?" she continued, grinning wildly all the while.

'_It'salljustatrick, It'salljustatrick, She's just riling me up and makingmelosefocusF*CK YOU YOU DAMN BRAT!_' the older woman thought to herself.

This went on for another half-a-minute, leaving her distracted.

Just as planned.

*shift* *shift*

"Huh?"

"Masses of solid rock are, overall, much easier to control. All you have to do is move a _point_, and the rest moves with it. _Grains_, however, are much more more versetile..."

The sand and pebbles of the beach quickly enveloped her enemy in a coffin of sand. Narcissa tried to kick through it like she did Corona's stone constructs, but since she was hitting sand, she might as well be hitting water.

So she started to grab entire handfuls of sand an started to _shove them into her mouth_.

"What in the... _Rio,_ do it _**now!**_" she yelled.

That's where she spotted her. The dark purple-haired girl, up there on top of a nearby two-storey building. Who was, until now, hiding under a nondescript cardboard box.

She removed the container of cardboard from over her, started to aim quickly.

The woman started struggling even more.

The purple-haired girl acted quickly, putting both of her hands in a mock shooting position, with an arcade coin held between the two thumbs.

She focused electricity into her hands, detecting the magnetic fields given off, perceiving them, _shaping_ them.

The coin started to revolve and spark with electricity.

"Railgun..."

*brz**brzz*... *bzbzbrzz*

"_Shooot!_"

The coin in her hands flew off in a straight line, hitting Bloodwen square in the face.

Into her eye socket.

And making her spit out all the sand she tried to devour.

"AAh!" she screamed, as she clutched the hot and sparking coin that was embedded into the corner of her eye socket.

"Gahck...!" she coughed out blood. She checked out her left eye, and to her surprise, she saw that the eyeball itself was mostly untouched, with the metal disk only lodged in the corner of her socket. Sure, it still hurt as all hell was, but she didn't seem to be blinded in any way.

The silvette started to approach her.

Narcissa started. "F*ck off, you're not even _close_ to beating me yet!You f*cking _shrimp_, you, you..."

"Miss, I highly suggest you give up now, before you hurt yourself any further."

"No _way_ I'm losing to a bunch to damn kids like you..." she growled, standing up in defiance and ripping out the coin lodged in the corner of her eye socket.

Narcissa ran forward and did a running kick at the golem master...

The younger girl barely jumped out of the way.

"I'm _sorry_, I was hoping we could settle this with as little damage as possible, but now I have little choice now..." Corona said, clearly not liking what she's about to do.

Sand and tiny bits of rock rose to enclose Narcissa's feet and lower legs.

"What the hell! This _sand_ crap again!" she said, as she turned and looked towards, Corona, who was straining to keep her down.

"I. will. NOT. LOSE TO _WORTHLESS GUPPIES_ LIKE _YOOOUU!_" she bellowed, as she dashed towards the little girl, despite the heavy sand weights around her legs.

"S-Sorry, but you've left me with no other choice, lady! _Brace yourself_, because this is going to _hurt_." she said. She held open an open palm, and then closed it shut.

"Sand _Crush_!"

The collected mass of sand and rock smashed inwards, reducing her leg bones to tiny splinters, her leg muscles into the consistency of fine wine, and the skin of her two legs into the colour and texture of dried grape...

Or at least, that's what she _could've_ done. Instead, she only added enough pressure to crack both her arm and her leg bones into two each. She also cracked her jaw too, just in case.

"GRROYAAAA_AAAAAAAAAAAAA__**AAAAHH!**_"

She fell over, her eyes rolled back from the pain.

...

Corona confidently strode over to the nearest alleyway, then, when she was out of sight, she collapsed.

*guh...*

*guh...*

*_ghrrk!_*...

Pools of blood and vomit covered the ground.

"Coro? _Coro!_ Are you alright!" her dark-haired friend said in panic, having run down from the two-storey building.

"Taking all those strikes head-on... took a lot... out of me...*_guh!_*... It was extremely ballsy of to face her attacks head-on in the first place... even while I _was_ fused with a golem... I am _never_ going to do that aga*_hh!_*ain..."

"Careful there, Coro. At this rate, you're gonna vomit out your intestines at any moment now!" she warned.

...

"?"

"You know, girlfriend, I really think _I'm starting too__***urk!***_"

* * *

><p>*shift*, *shift*, *shift*...<p>

_Stop, I hear patrols coming this way..._

*ZZZZZZZZZ*

The distinctive sound of a robotic sentry passed right over two suspicious sand mounds. Suspicious, that is, if they could see more than a few feet from their cameras in these conditions.

*ZZZzzzzzz...*

...

...

..._Go._

*shift*, *shift*, *shift*...

Meanwhile, a certain redhead has trudging through the sands...

'_Gah, I can barely see_ anything _in this sand-encrusted hellhole..._' she thought to herself.

*zzzZZZZZZ*

'_Aw geez, not another one..._'

The bot turned and looked straight at her.

[Scanning Living Being: ENEMY CONFIRMED]

*!*

She dove out of the way, though some bullets still tore up her chest

"Oh, you want some, _tinheads!_ You're _getting some!_" she screamed, tearing through them like a bullet through cardboard.

*kraaang!* *scrrraaang!* *clatter* *clatter*

...

A lone bot, which Kyoko had not destroyed enough, apparently, was looking at her with barely-functioning eyes.

[TT TARGEeeET: HeRRrrrRE e]

She looked ahead, and she saw a blinding point of light, and instinctively dived out of the way.

Thesounds of destruction were clearly heard from behind her.

'_Well, that didn't happen before..._' she pondered. '_Granted, it was probably_ _because I tore them all up before they could do that, but _goddammit_, man, what the hell is_ up _with this place..._' she wondered.

"Well, at least I know where the bastard's firing from..."

_Meanwhile, in the eye of the storm, where the whether's all clear..._

Quad adjusted the sights on his Precision Laser Cannon.

*shift*, *shift*

'_Damn, there are three of them now? Well, no worries, so long as they keep getting blinded by my sand..._'

*shift*, *shift*

'_I am_ undefeatable_!_'

"Take this! _SONIC SHOOTER!_"

"Wha-"

*BOOM!*

The leader gets propelled over a few feet, his giant beam cannon shrinking into a pint-sized handgun.

...

"We... we won!"

"not quite, my preeties..." said a scarily familiar voice.

"!"

The two turned around to see Quad, unharmed and currently poing two handguns at each of their heads.

"don't u dareth move. These guns have anti-magic properties. a headshot is a headshot with these things..." he grinned.

"B-But, you were, we saw..."

"hahaha, that was a Decoy. A diposable CLONE. It was simple, really. I create a clone with me memories and abilities, and make it a decoy for _me._ It was just a mere tool, that's all..."

The blonde's face darkened. "How dare..."

"?"

"How _dare_ you speak of him that way!"

...

*chink*

"Guess you'll be the one to die early, then..."

"Die early on _this, __**childkiller!**_"

"Huh! _Aah!_"

His cry seemed more out of surprise than fear, it seemed, as Kyoko's spear tore through his head made the duststorm stop suddenly, all the sand vanishing in thin air, just like a music record grinding to a halt.

"You bastards... Is that you can do! _Huh!_ I've seen biggah people hold me up with _two fingers_ and pop my head down tha muddy stream all the way to a remote african village in the middle of NOWHERE! I've got BASTARDS tyin' me to a SPACESHIP, a FRIGGIN' SPACESHIP! And I ESCAPED! You're _NOTHING_ to meee, _NOTHING!_" he yelled as his skull was pierced through with a long and pointy red spear, with blood and grey brain matter leaking out.

"I guess all the leaked brain matter accelerated your stupidity, eh?" Kyoko said, walking over to the pillar of ice they were supposed to destroy to win this thing...

Only to be stopped by a man with a spear in his head, leaking copious amounts of blood and brain matter, stepping in front of her.

He grabbed the shaft of the spear and pulled it out.

Blood and brain matter geysered out of the twin holes on his head.

A little girl screamed.

"You... THIS _AINT OVER YET_, _WEABOO_ WH****!1!" he roared, picking up his handgun and loading a silver magazine in it.

He turned it on his head, and shot himself with it.

He fell over.

His body hit the ground.

The clouds in the sky clumped and spiralled together into a raging heavenly maelstrom, churning and screaming like a blender blending explosive knives.

Quad's appearance changed. His own body righted itself, and out of his back came one spike, then _two_. Then, the whole goddamn collection. A _giant_, _metal_, _**thing**_ tore out of his body, screaming and screeching, like two high-powered spinning sawblades meeting each other at the edge. The thing rose to covor the sky, looking rather like godzilla, if Godzilla had been infected with an extreme case of metallic skin cancer and _never died_. He looked like a walking coral reef made out of military hardware, in fact.

The giant metallic beast climbed up the referee's tower and proceded to snack on the referee.

"_What!_ Oh, hey, _hey_, _**hey!**_ Aww, geez, and the fortuneteller said that things would be different this ye-*CHOMP*"

Tsukasa put her hands on her face. "_Aah!_ The referee got eaten! What are we going to do now!"

"hahaHAHAHAH! WITNESZ dE **POWER**, _FOOLS!_" he boasted with the ferocity of a million screaming stars, surfing down to Earth on surfboards made out of the fresh corpses of long-dead death gods.

"Oh, turning into a giant monster, how original." Kyoko deadpanned.

He stretched out his massive, metal arms out wide, pulled his head up to the sky, and _roared_. A savage, feral, demonic and faintly unnatural roar and pierced the heavens, parted the clouds and caused windows to break.

Kagami's glass of soy bean milk broke into tiny, tiny pieces in her hand. "_Damn_, and I just paid for this too..."

"BOW TO ME!"

Raising his hand to the air, he made the skies change. _Dusk_ turned into _dawn._ _Day_ turned into _night._ The sky turned a shade of _blue_, then _green_, then _yellow_, and finally, a _bright bloody red._

Waving his arms around once more, he pulled in the moon, once o distant in the sky, to cover up over half the heavens.

"Pfft, showoff..." Kyoko said. Then she sighed. "Well, if that's the only way... then I guess I'll have no choice but to use... _that_."

"That?" Vivio asked.

She simply pointed a spear at the moon.

"_Okay_, it's _now_ or _never!_" she said. The upper third of her spear, including the tip, broke off from the main body, connected only by a chain made of even smaller spears, tied together by even more microscopic spears.

"Here. We. **GO!**" she shouted, spinning the spear around and around and around, before thrusting forward the spear, causing the upper third of her spear, by it's own momentum, to fly off into _outer __space_.

"Huh? What the _hell_ are you doing!"

Rearing a massive arm back, the thing casually unleashed a barrage of planes, tanks, explosives and bullets at the tiny piece of spear flying into the sky.

Kyoko expertly weaved the spear tip around obstacles, moving the spear handle ever so slightly.

Something snagged unto the redhead's spear.

The "chain" of miniature spears tightened.

"Whoah, this one's a big one..." the redhead said to herself. She turned to Vivio. "Hey, _kiddo,_ guess what I'm gonna do next!"

"Something crazy?" she said.

"Close enough."

Gripping her spear tightly, Kyoko pulled down with all the strength she had. Her muscles were clearly visible on her skin, and the scent of magic was think enough to _smell_.

"Whatever the hell you're doing, I'M NOT GONNA LET THAT _HAPPEN!_" the giant metal monstrosity roared, and snapped the chain-of-spears in two with a massive claw.

The redhead collapsed.

"Kyoko-san!" Vivio cried out.

"ha_ha_**ha**haHAHAHAhaha_hehe_HAA_AA!_ Where is your _god_ now, suckers!" he gloated.

Reaching up, Kyoko made a downwards pulling motion with her hands, and smirked.

She fell unconscious.

A giant rumbling was heard, the thick clouds parted like water from the red sea. In through the azure came a gigantic hunk of rock...

A gigantic hunk of rock was falling to Earth at high speeds, pulled along by a portion of the spear "chain". It may not have been the size of Texas, but it was certainly large enough to inspire fear and awe among viewers.

The beast looked up in disbelief.

"What in the fu-"

***KABOOOM!***

The falling mass landed with a boom that sounded like a great hammer made of lightning, striking the Earth with insatiable bloodlust. The monster got hit point-blank and the space rock carved a hole through the thing, from head to tail, before the force of the impact sent military equipment flying everywhere. All buildings within a few hundred metres were reduced to their foundations, if not completely collapsed. The shockwave made by the impact made the arena buckle on it's foundations, it even caused a minor earthquake, and massive tornadoes spontaneously formed in the distance.

Later, reports would be gotten that what can only be described as a "land tsunami" demolished several villages and flattened miles and miles of perfectly good savanaah.

Everyone in the audience gaped in awe.

"Holy _crappin'__** sh*t,**_ these ladies never cease to amaze us, do we, Bob?"

"Yes, indeed, buddy. Yes indeed."

Meanwhile, in a different match on a different plane of existence, two ki-using martial artists, one human and one demon, was engaging in a stare-off, when footage of the moon chunk killing Quad was shown in a holographic mid-match update.

"Well, won't you look at at that?" the human remarked. "She pullin' on a grand finish to her show, yet here we are, staring at each other like lovestruck puppies. It almost makes me _sick._"

"Indeed, why should some lowly magi like her overshadow _great men like us!_"

"Yaaah!"

They flew towards each other, blazing fists at mach speed.

In another plane, a highly-trained human task force was in a pitched gunfight with a crew of phazor-wielding cyborg-zombie pirates in a WWII Eastern Front-front themed arena, for the glory of their country! The humans were being overwhelmed, having had half of their members unable to fight, and the other half holed up in a broken-down inn, with enemies at every door and window.

All of a sudden, footage of the moon chunk being pulled to Earth was shown in front of each and every one of them.

"Holy _sh*t,_ it's _that_ girl! The one who helped us back on the train, sarge!" one soldier remarked, blowing away a zombie with a shotgun.

"The ginger one?"

"Ha, look at us here, all cornered and helpless, while all them magic bastards hogging all the glory..." said another soldier, lighting up a cig.

"If she's overshadowing us, it's only 'cause she was nuch more entertaining than the rest of us." another soldier commented.

"_Hell yeah,_ we're not gonna get outmatched by some girls in dresses, are we!" yet another shouted, lifting up a flamethrower and a shovel."I say we napalm them zombies, dig ourselves under, and then call an airstrike to finish off their burned, barely breathing corpses!"

"_YEAH!_"

_Back to our heroines..._

"Oww, that _hurt._ You should've warned us Kyo-"

*thump*...

"-ko-san?"

*THUMP*

She wasn't sure what surprired her more. Kyoko being unconscious while her and Vivio were fine, if a little dazed, or that something _huge_ was thumping towards them...

"You think you've _won, little girlies!_ Well, _this_ big lump says otherwise!"

It was Hale.

"P-Psychic Cage!"

Bars of mystic force surrounded Hale in a cage-like structure.

"P-Please, listen to what I have to say!" Tsukasa begged.

He didn't listen.

He grasped two of the "bars".

Heaving heavily, he pulled the two of them apart by sheer manly strength.

"_Ah_, Kyoko-san, _wake up!_" Tsukasa shouted. It was useless. The red-haired spear user was out for the count.

The blonde stood between Hale and her allies. "If you want to hurt them, you'll have to _go through __me!_" she shouted, running forward to meet him.

*SMACK!*

She was swatted to the side like a pest.

"Ah, Vivio-san! ...H-Hey, wait a minute..." the purplette said, feeling something small in her pocket. She pulled it out.

"_Now then_, since your _little red lady_ over there can't help you anymore, what are you going to do now, _huh?_ What're you gon-*_GRAAAAAAHH!_*"

...

He felt a searing pain in his crotch, followed by weakening legs and the impact of his face against the hard floor.

*thump*. . .*thump*

"S-Sorry for doing that, mister, but I really had no choices left... I'll hope you'll forgive me for my indiscretions..." she said, bowing to him.

"Rrraaaaaaaaaaaaagggh!" he growled ferociously. "Do you know what you've _done_ to me, girl! Now I'll never live life again! Aaarrgh! I'll take you down with me as _retribution!_"

Lifting up his bulky arms, he pounded at the ground as hard as he could. The ground _shook_ from his mere poundings.

The ground gave way under them.

"AAAaaaahh!"

. . .

"Owww... Where am I..."

She looked around, and all she saw was rubble.

She looked in front of her, and there lied Kyoko.

"Ah! Kyoko-san!"

She rushed towards her, and she noticed that she was massively thinner all of a sudden. In fact, she seemed to have _shrunk_. Her face was stretched out, making her bloodshot eyes bulge out like two ping-pong balls. Her skin was as white as seedy snow, and she could clearly see her bones and blood vessels underneath.

"Ah, Kyoko-san! What happened!" she shouted. She looked around. "_Help!_ Someone _help!_"

She heard a pattering of footsteps near her.

"Hey, _Tsu-chan!_" a familiar voice shouted.

"Kirsten-chan! You have to help! Kyoko-chan is, Kyoko-chan..."

She looked at her.

"Umm, what hapened to Charlotte-chan?"

"Things." the navy-haired girl said, putting down Charlotte's body. "Now what's happened here... crap."

"What is it, Kirsten-chan!" the purplette worriedly asked.

"_Goddamn it_, she overexerted her magic too, didn't she? Crap. _Why_, God, why do you enjoy _torturing_ me so! I'm not a _doctor,_ goddamnit!" she ranted, causing Tsukasa to step away from her somewhat.

She hoisted the redhead's body over her other shoulder. "C'mon, Tsukasa! We need to get outta here, quick!"

She hoisted herself up the rubble, towards an opening she spotted above. The purplette followed.

_A few seconds later..._

...

"_Aah!_ Now _that_ was a _power nap!_" said Kyoko, who sat up from the ground. She noticed the medics and healers surrounding her.

"Huh? Did we win?" she asked, standing up.

Walking towards her, he raised her hand and the hands of her teammates in the air.

_Team M.T.L._ _**winsss!**_" the announcer shouted into his mic.

"YEEEEEAAAAARRR!"

"BOOOOOOOOOO!"

"FYLVgYvkuvygBVKygYVkj..."

Reactions were mixed, but lively. Some people _cheered_ and _screamed_, others _booed_ and threw their garbage down at them, others went into complete _shock_ and were convulsing like _mad_ on the stands.

"Well, what do you know? The newcomer underdogs beat up the _goddamn_ champions like _pros_ from the skin of their _bloody_ teeth! I don't know if that's stupid or _bloody amazing!_ It's like something out of a cheesy inspirational sports movie!"

"_Wohoo!_ We _did it!_ And not in that sissy, _kiddy_ kind of way either, we _really_ did it, like REAL MEN!" Kyoko shouted, grabbing Vivio by her little hands and spinning themselves around like they were in a large, dusty, open-air, dancing hall, where Kyoko was prince and Vivio the cute, innocent and _very_ underaged princess.

She then ran over to Tsukasa and did the same to her.

Almost on cue, Killer Bee pulled down his sunglasses and looked straight at the gigantic blast crater.

"Damn, that was _badass_,

That whole can of _whoopass_,

This crew of _badness_,

Was totally _hardass_..." he rapped on a whim, causing the surrounding spectators to nod their heads in mutual gangsta-induced agreement.

'_They may act like mere _charlartarns_, but I know a possible threat when I see one..._' Deth thought to himself, spectating in his own special spot.

'_Hehehehehe, oh yes, oh F*CK yes!_'

The source of Kagami Hiiragi's less-than-ladylike behavior mostly stemmed from an overwhelming excess of money she got for betting sensibly. The other betters were rather jealous of her and her incessant schoolgirl sparkling, so much so that they sent some guards to the area to prevent a possible massacre.

As for Kagami, oh _yes_, she can see it now... _Yaoi doujin_ as far as the eye can see! _Bishie hug pillows_ being commisioned _just for her..._

"_Hah!_ Stupid elitist! You think you're so _smart,_ eh? Well, look at you _now!_ You're just just a pile of melted _ash_ now!" Kyoko gloated over the battlefield's blackened remains.

"Umm, Kyoko-san, I think he's already dead..." Tsukasa said.

"_Quiet_, you. I ned to savour my kill a little more..."

She then burst into another fit of maniacal laughter.

"And_ nooow_, since we have our icebreaking match over and done with, let's move on to the _next_ portion of this exciting tournament!" the colour commentor said, pulling out a handful of cards from his sleeve.

"Uhh, what _are_ those, Fuun?"

"Why, these cards are the tournaments _Grand Prize!_(One of them, at least). Were you even _listening_ to the prize announcements!"

"But-"

*whack*

*KABOOM!*

"Then you _weren't listening hard enough!_ That, or the writer was completely stupid and left a gaping plot hole that bothered him but _nobody else_. And for that, we apologise, dear viewers..." he solemnly said, sitting and bowing down until his head touched the floor.

"!"

On the stands, Kagami spoke.

"Sayaka-san, those are..."

The blunette nodded. "The few remaining Soul Cards..."

Kyoko grinned. "Heh, the power to destroy dimensions, a handful of which are contest prizes. This is a _classic._ I'm almost getting hot right now!" she squealed.

Rio looked up. "Holy crap, isn't that what we've been searching for?"

"I wonder what they're even doing, giving away dangerous artefacts as prizes! I will never understand some people..." Kirsten mused to herself.

Madel grinned. "Partner, looks like we found the prize..."

Lord Homu of the 1670th simply leaned forward with interest.

The announcer went up and tossed all of them into the air, where they all hung there for a few seconds, then they flew around, past all the spectators, and finally, into the the sky...

All of a sudden, a competitor in the stands gets catapulted out of his chair, right into the sky and disappeared mid-air. Then another. And another.

Draken felt the sound of a spring unfolding beneath him.

"What. In. The..."

*BOING!* *BOING!*

*KRRRIIING!*

Being the experienced assasin that he is, Deth Murderochi calmly checked if his pouches were snugly closed...

*BOING*

Cracks began to form underneath Kyoko and Vivio.

Kyoko held the blonde tight.

"Umm, Kyoko-sensei, what's going on?" she asked.

"_Madness_, Vi. _Madness..._" she answered, grinning like lunatic hooped up on speed.

*KKROING!*

A large underground spring platform rose up and catapulted them into the air.

"Aaaaaaaaahh!"

"Yeeeeeeee-Haaaaaaaah!"

Large cracks also formed around Rio and Corona's area.

"Uh oh..." the former said to herself.

However, unlike the others, they didn't get carelessly catapulted into the air. Instead, a mysterious, transparent bubble formed around them and the small piece of ground they were on, floating up and carrying them within it.

The same cracks formed around Kirsten and Charlotte, as well as the same bubble and the same "flying on a flying platform" shtick. Her platform flew right next to the Mid-Childans.

"Wait... why aren't _we_ getting catapulted into the next zone?" Kirsten wondered aloud.

"It's for _safety_ reasons, of course!" the mad maestro screamed like a mad manatee, riding right next to them in the same rock-platform-surrounded-by-bubble that they are.

Tsukasa eeped. "What are _you_ doing here? didn't your team lose?"

"They _did. _I'm just going to _spectate._" he said, pulling out a milkshake from behind a rock.

Rio blinked. "You know what? I'm not even gonna ask."

"For safety reasons? When has this tournament _ever_ cared for contestant safety?" Kirsten asked, crossing her arms in frustration.

"Ever since the summer of '98... _Hey_, we have different standards of safety here! Besides, it's not like anybody's been killed horribly _so far_. Mostly, they were _merely_ incredibly seriously injured..." he defended.

Kirsten sweatdropped. "Merely...?"

"And why are _you_ riding in one? You don't look very roughed up to me!" Rio said, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"_Ah_, but I _am_ wounded, young lady..." he gestured grandiosely to himself. "My _heart_, It has been _comepletely shattered_. The moment our dear leader got hit by that terrible, _terrible_ meteor, it was as if _God_ and _The Devil_ conspired to pull out my heart and cut it into a million bite-sized pieces, and then cook them into fried nuggets and served them to the ghost of Adolf Hitler. I don't know if there could be _any_ fate worse than _that_..."

Kirsten sweatdropped even more. "That's bull**** and you know it." she said.

"Who's Hitler?" Rio asked.

All the while, they passed through a portal into the next stage...

* * *

><p><strong>Zzzzzzz... Zzzzzzz...<strong>

_Wait, snoring? She was snoring?_

...

_Something's bright..._

*tweet* *tweet* *tweet*

_The birds seem to be up and about today, too..._

She opened her eyes to a faceful of soft pillow. Well that's something she didn't have in a while.

Oh, of course. The last thing she remembered was...

That blue-haired girl. And that red-haired one too, if she remembered correctly.

Yes, yes, she told her that she had something special to her, and then they led her off to... someplace, and she apparently fell asleep on the way, apparently.

She wondered where she was right now. It was soft, sunny and...

There was something _very_ uneasy right behind her.

Someone, or _something_, was breathing behind her back...

Nervously, she turned around onto her back, and when she did, her breath caught in her throat.

Because right in front of her... right in front of her face, in fact, was a tiger larger than a two full-grown man kneeling on thie hands and knees andstacked on top of each other, wearing both a graduate's cap and a very classy monocle.

It was looking at her with very intense eyes.

"Heheheh, um... _hi there..._ kitty?" she eeped out.

*_ROOOOOOOOAAAARR!_*

* * *

><p><strong>Hey, I had to add <em>something<em> to make Kag something other than just "Snarky Straight Woman". Might as well make her a yaoi fangirl.**

**Since the TSAB is _almost always_ overpowered in _almost every crossover I see (Naruto, Harry Potter, Dresden Files),_ I thought it would be neat to instead make them the yukkuri of the setting. People who think they have magic and the multiverse all figured out, but are almost meaningless except as playthings in the larger scheme of things. A big fish in a small pond, in other words. AND I LOVE IT. **

**I usually write fight scenes while listening to classic 80's metal and IOSYS's awesome rock remixes. It helps, especially if you're a fan of someone like Hirohiko Araki.**

**And as always, give me your constructive feedback on my series. Because I want to know. I absolutely MUST **_**need**_** to know!**

**Also, tournament arc ends next update. Or the update after that, I dunno. I don't plan things to the exact milisecond.**


End file.
